[Obelisk]

I proposed to my wife after I broke up with her and it felt like someone had ripped me in half. She is the best woman with whom I've ever been, or even been interested in as far as I can tell. I didn't settle. I chose who I wanted and she wanted me too.

If you think a smaller penis, shorter stature, a larger vagina, or smaller breasts makes you inferior there's probably not much point in trying to get you to understand my position.

Hopefully this is the final-final-final penis size thread. There just doesn't seem to be much success helping people on this issue. They seem to come in thinking that manhood is attached to the size of their penis and never grasp that the two are not connected no matter how much others protest, show statistics, or use logic. It's probably like the guys who suggested to Michael Jackson that he was fine without the surgery. Maybe the person just has to make the connection on their own.

The problem is much more extensive that simple penis size (or breast size). To use that example I mentioned about that dude and his fiancee, if the size of her man wasn't important, then why did she even mention it? Obviously it was important to her, and she is supposedly marrying this guy. If I were in that guy's place, what the heck am I supposed to think after I get blasted with something like that? I'd expect this girl to cheat with no hesitation. She would probably feel entitled to sleep with other men with bigger packages simply because she's not getting that from her husband. I know I would dump her and never look back.

In your case, who knows what your wife thinks. Maybe she truly is fine with it. Maybe she didn't enjoy the larger ones she's had, or doesn't remember them. You say you were ripped in half. Why did you break up with her? Why did you get back together?

[Obelisk]

To that I say no one ever gets someone that is 100%, so by such a stringent definition, everyone is settling. So it's no longer a discussion about settling rather about when you did or didn't. Kind of like DNA tests, the results may be 99.999999% certain, but some will say it ain't so. Fortunately courts don't put up with such nonsense.

It's true that when we are talking about 99.999999% we are splitting hairs.

If a guy found a woman who looks exactly the way he likes, and has the exact personality that he can get along with, then that's probably a 99% match.

Same for a woman. In real life how often does this actually happen? I'd wager that a really really good match would probably be 80% what your ideal is. A lot of people settle for less than that.

[Stillness]

In your case, who knows what your wife thinks. Maybe she truly is fine with it. Maybe she didn't enjoy the larger ones she's had, or doesn't remember them.

Assuming that she's had larger than me, it probably doesn't matter. Everyone is not obsessed with penis size just because you are, Obelisk. You're not alone with it, but most of the people you share it with have penises themselves. You've created issues that aren't based on reality to support this hang-up you have. The studies show that the dimension that women care most about when they do mention function is circumference. The length seems to be a more visual concern with taller men - probably related to proportionality.

But look at all of the sexual complaints that anonymous women have asked for help for over the years on these boards. Penis size is overwhelmingly brought up by men. The only time I remember it brought up by women is maybe a post or two about men with micropenises. I'm not saying they don't exist, but I can't remember any off hand. Do a quick search here on "micropenis" and "small penis" and see who is posting this stuff and what they're saying. There are probably more posts on here about people who actually get off on making the fit looser. And there are plenty of posts asking for help with problems arising from large penises. The count on all of these is dwarfed by the posts on libido, mental, and functional issues. Either someone is not getting enough, they're not getting it how they'd like it, or getting it is uncomfortable.

If you want a bigger penis and you're willing to deal with potential side effects from fooling around with nature, do your thing. But you should at least be realistic about your reasons.

My wife and I broke up when we were dating over moral standards. She wanted to stop fornicating. I didn't.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

This is so true Stillness (nearly called you stillman?) In 6 years all we have ever read is threads from guys coming on this Forum to talk about their penis and do you know that I can't recall (1) not 1, of those guys walking away going phew so it's only the handleful of spiteful women or carp I've read that is reality, in reality women don't really care (real women)... Sigh.... And, so we keep going on.

I'd wager that a really really good match would probably be 80% what your ideal is. A lot of people settle for less than that.

Off course people settle. It's written here all over the forum, over and over again. The worse cases are those that "settle" with someone who abuses them, emotionally, physically, controls them. Knows their weaknesses and goes in for the kill. It's what they are seeking, someone to control.

Why people settle? Emotions. As soon as they become intimate and there is a next intimate scenario, the woman assumes "he likes me". For the most part, she sees the red flags, and the flaws, the in-compatibility but she justifies it in her head. (I've got a boyfriend). (I can change him) .. Until one day, she can't take it anymore and wakes up. Realising she made a mistake. And, settled.

Simularily, a guy will do the same. Fall into it, maybe even try to leave but she wants him to stay so he does. Until one day, he decides to cheat, leave, or marry and then leave...

Not many people sit back and visualise their partner. Not in looks, not in size, but core values (morals as Stillness pointed out) and stand their ground prepared to wait until that "type" of person enters their life.

Most, keep going, in hope.

Until you love yourself, accept yourself, accept others for who they are and smile in the knowing of what you want out of life, including the type of partner, everyone in my opinion settles.

After all, in the oldern days, your first love was your last love, you never divorced, left or rarely... It just was.

There are choices now and unfortunately like everything in life, learning takes time.

Too many people carry their past into their present and do not eventuate into a future.

My only wish is that people concentrated on getting rid of the past, through every avenue they have to go down... Because if they did, they would be free, happy and can move forward.

Living in the past, this happened, that happened, must change it, still trying to change it, still bothers me, I'll do this then, what if I do that, maybe... Imagine, every day of your life instead of being free, pondering, dwelling, obsessing, in pain, angry, disliking your body, your looks, height, size - Why the heck would anyone want to live like that?

Think about it... Visualise never thinking like that.. Imagine...

Though I think I am talking to myself

[Obelisk]

Assuming that she's had larger than me, it probably doesn't matter

Yeah you know I apologize to you for asking questions that really aren't my business. I'm glad you're happy with your life.

Imagine, every day of your life instead of being free, pondering, dwelling, obsessing, in pain, angry, disliking your body, your looks, height, size - Why the heck would anyone want to live like that?

Because you get judged on it no matter what you think. I guess the trick is to not care what other people think about you. For me it's really hard to get below 10% bodyfat, but when I am, the stares I get from women is incredible. When I've been over 20%, it stops. I could be the nicest guy ever, but don't register for women unless I actively seek to talk to them.

Anyway the truth is I'm not really that obsessed about it. It may seem so here because we've discussed it at length (hah hah). My problem is that, due to my experiences with looks (both good and bad), it's something that I see as being far far more important than people give it credit for.

If a guy looks really good, he can fumble words and look like a dork, and if the woman is on the market, it will get her attention. If the guy just looks average (pudgy, overweight, etc etc) he's not likely to get attention with any woman that is not willing to settle for him. I know this from personal experience. I also know that if a guy looks buff, the woman is probably hoping the dude is packing something decent down there, and will probably be disappointed if it's not what she expected. Now if the guy is big enough to do the job, I agree it probably won't matter much once the initial disappointment passes. I do believe for most women it's simply a "visual" turn on.

I've talked to some guys on other forums, and the really large guys (8-9") say that most women they are with require them to get them really aroused, and being careful, and a lot of times using lube, etc etc. Yet the women still ask for full insertion. These guys say even petite women usually want it all the way in. So there's gotta be something to that.

This is all theoretical stuff. Others can come in and say "Why don't you accept the policy of not asking your partner?" or "You are insecure, you need to have self confidence", or a gazillion other psychological tidbits. Sure, that's probably the best way to live life for almost anything. Ignorance is bliss.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

As a woman. With a "normal size", no lube, no need for foreplay, means you can do it anywhere anytime.

Why would I therefore want a huge doo da that I have to have him work heaps before anything can be felt?

Ever think of that?

If you really read and I mean really read, women say pftttttt not all it's cracked up to be and that is one reason why....

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Every one reading this will be dead in very little time at all. So stop limiting your life and playing childlike games. Have as much (or as little!) sex as you feel like having, and don't let anyone make you feel small. Live life in all it's twisted
glory.

I love this quotation....

[Obelisk]

As a woman. With a "normal size", no lube, no need for foreplay, means you can do it anywhere anytime.

Why would I therefore want a huge doo da that I have to have him work heaps before anything can be felt?

Ever think of that?

If you really read and I mean really read, women say pftttttt not all it's cracked up to be and that is one reason why....

Well I understand that. But what would a woman consider "normal"? From all the research I have been doing, that number seems to be around 7". Bigger than that is novelty size and can cause problems. Smaller than that is "smaller than the woman would like". So me, at 5.7" right now am a "tad" smaller than the normal size. It still eats at me a little bit, because I'm afraid a girl has had really large (like 8-9") and really liked it, then 5.7" will be disappointing to her.

Do I stress over it? Not really, not that much. But I usually have to put myself in the girl's shoes to not think about it. When I started dating my current girl, she started showing really really bad insecurity, mostly about her weight. Even after the whole thing with not wanting kids, she still want to see me, I suspect that I'm probably the first guy that actually treats her nice and makes her feel special. I doubt her past boyfriends looked as good as me, and I doubt they were significantly bigger (making estimated guesses based on what she's told me about her past relationships).

So I know that when she's with me, she's not thinking "his penis is smaller than I'd like". She's probably thinking more like "I hope he's enjoying being with me and isn't put off by my weight.

So yes, as with everything, it's luck of the draw. Some women can have over 20 men and never see a penis bigger than 6". Some women with their first guy got 9"+. Some women ended up liking it. Some are relieved when they get to go down to a guy who's 6" again.

So what can I do? I know I'm not happy with my size right now. One extra inch would definitely help since it would put me in the bracket of desirable sizes. Even if a genie were to appear and offer me 9" I wouldn't take it. To make sex difficult for half the women just so I can sport around a cannon is not worth it. However, 7" seems to be a nice number that looks bigger, yet causes no real difficulties. So that's my goal right now.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

To me, your goal right now should be, learning all about your woman, loving your woman, and making her not feel in-secure.

You have a woman, "finally" one that wants you for you.. You shouldn't be concentrating on extending, as she is happy with you. You should be concentrating on how to please her and how you wish for her to please you, you'll be amazed if you use all your efforts in concentration in that department on how you both will feel sexually, sensually.

Do you know the art of being sensual?

Do you know there is such an art? And, that, that art creates amazing and stunning feelings?

[Obelisk]

To me, your goal right now should be, learning all about your woman, loving your woman, and making her not feel in-secure.

You have a woman, "finally" one that wants you for you.. You shouldn't be concentrating on extending, as she is happy with you. You should be concentrating on how to please her and how you wish for her to please you, you'll be amazed if you use all your efforts in concentration in that department on how you both will feel sexually, sensually.

Do you know the art of being sensual?

Do you know there is such an art? And, that, that art creates amazing and stunning feelings?

It was a mistake for me to get involved with her before the kids issue was put on the table. Now I'm not really sure what to do with that. Even if she decides to continue with me, she might be mad at me for the rest of our time together if she feels that I denied her something she wanted.

So I don't expect us to be together much longer, and I'm honestly not sure what to do. I was going to try the online dating stuff, but I really hate the concept. Might be the only way to put the kids card on the table before even getting to a date.

I sometimes wonder if I had just taken the route everyone else has taken (marrying your first/second gf, where you're likely to be her first/second guy tops, and having a bunch of kids by 22-24). I'm not sorry I have taken the route I did now, I just didn't expect swimming against the current was going to be so tough.