[jen1447]

I like the communication situation too, but I find some of it that's happened already disappointing. For example, did she really actually tell you "I long for a large penis?" While honest I suppose, that's seriously lacking in tact and consideration. Plus, if that's a deal-breaker for her, it's her fault, as I assume you didn't hide your penis from her until it was too late and you were already heavily involved. She should have had plenty of opportunity to 'screen' you if that was really a thing for her.

[stigggger]

Thanks for the comments; I find some of them particularly uplifting with a smidgeon of hope, thanks!

Unfortunately yes, my wife said all of those things, verbatim – that is why I have spiralled into this place of real, erm, self pity and resignation that this is a ticking time-bomb… this is why I have felt the need to share/get it off my chest…

Yes, we can experiment, and relearn how to connect physically and emotionally through touch and other play (if we take time, work hard at it, and be honest, open and responsive)… but when it comes down to that most animal instinct of deep, hard sex it just ain’t ever going to be what she craves – and this, as noted, is why I’m stuck in this virtuous circle of self-loathing and sheer panic…

[happygolucky90]

lol she got mad at you for wanting to get a bigger tool for her?
I don't know dude, she has no right to say "I miss my ex's huge penis" to you, and then get mad that you are now grasping at straws to try to gain some size.

I have to agree with Obelisk... that is just confusing! Most of the guys I've been with have been average; a few above, and a few below. I honestly can't say there has been much of a difference between sizes... if anything, bigger guys are a little less pleasing for me; it hurts. It honestly is about how you do it... unless you are extremely small, there should be some sensation if you toss some different positions into the field. There is some positions that could put me to sleep lol... and some that make me do things I didn't know I could do! The thing is, is every body is different... so while one position may work for me, it may not for her... so try different things!

I can only imagine how frustrating this would be... and I'm sorry you are going through this. I personally don't feel like you deserve to be backhanded and blamed for this. It's great you two are communicating and being honest though; even if truth hurts, it needs to be said so there's a way to work through it.

People ARE right by saying intercourse is just a small part of sex. I found something with my boyfriend that I never noticed before with anyone else -while we have our own sex problems and that's another story lol-. I noticed if I am massaging his back in bed; I get turned on... while it doesn't usually take much for me... pleasuring him, even in a non-sexual way, really gets me going. We sometimes go to bed naked, and for some reason it really makes things a lot more passionate. Slowly making out, rubbing each others bodies. It's romantic and the sex following is usually better than ever.

There are just somethings you guys need to try out... no couple is the same and I think if you experiment a bit, it would help. To get through this, you guys need to have open communication and open minds. Consider porn occasionally together, it really does help from time to time (just don't be reliant on it). Invest in some massaging oils, toys, yada yada. Ask her to be patient with you and guide you.

I hope I've helped, good luck bud!

[Obelisk]

Unfortunately yes, my wife said all of those things, verbatim

That is really really unfortunate.

The fact that you didn't make this a measurements discussion says a lot about your wisdom.

It's the direct cause of his frustration because his wife directly told it to his face.

The fact that your wife doesn't want you obsessing over doing something that probably won't work and might hurt you says a lot about hers.

I completely disagree. I think his wife, like most regular people think it's impossible to change the size of your unit, and was not angry with him out of wisdom, but rather out of thinking of him as comical, like she's thinking "oh look the poor man wants to grow his wee wee!). If after what you read, you think wisdom is somehow involved, you really do live in another world don't ya?

Wisdom, in their case, would probably be working something out where he can wear a strap on like JNS suggested and that way he can pound his wife the way she wants to. This would at least be a temporary solution.

You can get things going. It's just a matter of having the will to figure it out and follow through.

If they are to make it work, the wifey needs to be on that boat as well. It sounds like she's barely getting her foot on the deck. I suppose that's a start.

I have to agree with Obelisk... that is just confusing! Most of the guys I've been with have been average; a few above, and a few below. I honestly can't say there has been much of a difference between sizes... if anything, bigger guys are a little less pleasing for me; it hurts.

Thanks happygolucky for your comment. I do understand, and agree that a lot of women think like you as well.

[atskitty2]

Re: your wife's comments:
While I agree she might have been gentler or more tactful in her delivery, she was being honest! We have to be open and receptive and not take personally those comments that aren't intended to be a personal attack. Were you already feeling inadequate? If we want honesty we have to accept it, no matter how difficult it may be to hear. Doesn't mean you don't take a day or two to absorb it and process it to get to that point, but if you want things to be better, the real issues have to be addressed, and without real honesty you may never know what those issues are.

[Stillness]

She probably doesn't want a man who's obsessed over the size of his genitals or wasting his time doing something that may hurt him and probably won't make a real difference anyway.

I don't think her comments were malicious, but said during an honest discussion with the goal of staying married to the man she loves. That's how it works. Sometimes you've got to say the hard stuff that will hurt at first, but will make you stronger in the long run. Otherwise you can end up bitter and just married on paper or divorced.

[Obelisk]

She probably doesn't want a man who's obsessed over the size of his genitals or wasting his time doing something that may hurt him and probably won't make a real difference anyway.

I don't think her comments were malicious, but said during an honest discussion with the goal of staying married to the man she loves. That's how it works. Sometimes you've got to say the hard stuff that will hurt at first, but will make you stronger in the long run. Otherwise you can end up bitter and just married on paper or divorced.

So yes, you do live in another world

[jen1447]

In retrospect I have to agree with both of you above (kitty and Stillness specifically) - honesty always wins.

[Justice]

Re: your wife's comments:
While I agree she might have been gentler or more tactful in her delivery, she was being honest! We have to be open and receptive and not take personally those comments that aren't intended to be a personal attack.

Ouch - I have to kind of disagree. So if a man tells your that he longs for DD breasts and the woman is an A or B... is she supposed to get implants? Or if the woman is large and curvy, and the guy tells her that he really wants a model or woman who looks like a boy or a teen? What should happen then?

It is one thing if it was a characteristic that is changeable and has changed, but I doubt his penis suddenly got smaller. (and again he is likely quite fine for many, if not most women.)

[Obelisk]

Ouch - I have to kind of disagree. So if a man tells your that he longs for DD breasts and the woman is an A or B... is she supposed to get implants? Or if the woman is large and curvy, and the guy tells her that he really wants a model or woman who looks like a boy or a teen? What should happen then?

It is one thing if it was a characteristic that is changeable and has changed, but I doubt his penis suddenly got smaller. (and again he is likely quite fine for many, if not most women.)

I agree with you on this. Why would you be with a small breasted woman and tell her you wish she had DD's? Sure getting implants is an option, but a pretty drastic one. If the breast issue is a deal breaker for some men, why are they with a woman that doesn't have what they want?

If I like a girl and she's got small breasts, because I really don't care that much I would never ever mention it. If she asked me directly I would lie, plain and simple.

I think honesty is good, but there's a limit to where it only hurts and has no further use.

In the case of the OP, I'm not sure he has that many options to be honest. It's really his wife's call as to what happens to them as a couple.