[Stillness]

So yes, you do live in another world

It's because I've had these "crisis" conversations before. One time my wife told me she wanted to die. It wasn't out of emotion, but it was out of a desire to be free from the vow we took. We couldn't figure out a solution. So my best friend, lover, and partner that I've know over have my life wished that she could die to free me because we couldn't see a way out. She told me that the problem was she's not suicidal. It sounds funny, but it wasn't and it's not and she didn't mean it to be. We were exploring options and were just scrapping the bottom of the barrel. That's how desperate we were.


So, yes, we do live in different worlds. I know some of what stigggger is going through because I've lived it. Pretty much anyone who's making a success of their marriage has to some extent. The woman he's describing is not laughing at their issues. She's trying to work through them. And they will if they keep at it.

[Obelisk]

It's because I've had these "crisis" conversations before. One time my wife told me she wanted to die

We were exploring options and were just scrapping the bottom of the barrel. That's how desperate we were.

Hmm, I have no idea what to say. My comment was kind of "tongue-in-cheek" and not really meant to disrespect you. I have a lot of respect for you as we have chatted about different topics on here and your heart is always in the right place

The woman he's describing is not laughing at their issues. She's trying to work through them. And they will if they keep at it.

I wouldn't say she's "laughing" but by the way it sounds she's throwing in the towel. She threw every torpedo at the guy going for maximum hurt imo. Sounds like she wants out. I have no idea why this woman chose to be with this guy if his size was this freakin' important to her. I agree with those that said she never should have gotten involved with him.

So yeah we know the guy needs to build his confidence. The only thing I can offer in advice is to do what I've been doing successfully. If he doesn't want to go this route, then he has to find that confidence from somewhere else. I have no idea where he can look.

[Stillness]

I didn't take anything you said as disrespect. We're cool. I think he's on the right track and I want him to know that a lot of people go through similar things before they get a breakthrough.

[jen1447]

The more I think about this, the more shades of grey (not 50 ) I see. There's a difference between pointless jabs at a man or woman's insecurities and an honest evaluation of needs that aren't being met. For example, if the OP's wife really does need a larger man, and if not getting one is going to be destructive to the relationship, then how is hiding that fact going to help anything? He'll only be kept in the dark while his plight potentially gets worse.

This is going to sound a little freaky, but there is a possible solution, albeit one that would have to be handled very carefully: a surrogate lover for her. If both spouses were in the emotional mindset to be okay with this - where he doesn't resent it and she doesn't lose sight of what it's for and start bonding romantically with the stand in (and that is a hugely tall order, so take it for what it's worth), it could resolve some of her needs issues while preserving the marriage. Again, very risky, but if there were no other way out?

[stigggger]

if the OP's wife really does need a larger man, and if not getting one is going to be destructive to the relationship,

a surrogate lover for her

Nice thought, but, ARE YOU KIDDING ME... this is exactly what I am afraid of, some big penis'd Casanova screwing my wife to within an inch of her life, and her loving every minute of it... that would be the ultimate in relationship destruction!

Sorry, no way, the marriage will be over at the slightest sniff of another man being involved.

I was feeling moderately uplifted until this point...

[stigggger]

it sounds she's throwing in the towel

I fear that you are closer to the truth here than perhaps I would like to believe, but I would not entertain even Jen's suggestion if that were the only option left in the world...

[jen1447]

Sorry ...I said it wasn't necessarily for everybody. I guess that leaves you with the hope for more and better communication.

[Stillness]

I fear that you are closer to the truth here than perhaps I would like to believe

Then why did she agree to "relearn" sex with you and start all over? Why did she get so upset when you looked into the enlargement techniques?

One thought I have is just faking it until you make it. Hype yourself up and maybe take a little liquid courage before you go into the bedroom if you drink. Behave like you're the confident lover you'd like to be. I'm in sales and I had to do that before I got good at what I do. I just pretended to be skilled, experienced, and confident until I was. A lot of endeavors in life are like that.

[Obelisk]

Nice thought, but, ARE YOU KIDDING ME... this is exactly what I am afraid of, some big penis'd Casanova screwing my wife to within an inch of her life, and her loving every minute of it... that would be the ultimate in relationship destruction!

Her advice is completely out of whack IMO. How is it "saving a marriage" when the other person has to go to someone else to get physical and emotional satisfaction.

That's like a guy saying "Honey, you're really not doing it for me in bed, your breasts are really small and your vagina is so loose I can't even feel it going in. Is it ok if I sleep with my hot female coworker friend, that way we can save our marriage and I can still get the satisfaction I crave?"

I think most of you (with some exceptions, like people into cuckholding/swinging) would agree with the following sentiment ======================>>>> lol!

Then why did she agree to "relearn" sex with you and start all over? Why did she get so upset when you looked into the enlargement techniques?

One thought I have is just faking it until you make it. Hype yourself up and maybe take a little liquid courage before you go into the bedroom if you drink. Behave like you're the confident lover you'd like to be. I'm in sales and I had to do that before I got good at what I do. I just pretended to be skilled, experienced, and confident until I was. A lot of endeavors in life are like that.

Now this is killer advice!

The wife has to be willing, but if she is, I would go the route that you suggest here.

1. Fake the confidence, liquid courage might not be a bad idea
2. Strap on
3. Look into enlargement techniques for the long run if he's up to the task.

The first two might be good enough if wifey is willing to work at it. If she's not, unfortunately I don't think there's anything the OP can do.

[jen1447]

lol Obelisk, I acknowledge that it's not right for the OP and his wife. They're completely entitled to decide for themselves, and I apologize if I hurt his feelings by suggesting it.

The fact that it wouldn't work for you either though doesn't mean that it won't work for everybody, because you are not representative of everybody. I didn't invent the concept, I heard about it, and in the context of it working for some people with various types of marriage difficulties, like sexual dysfunction or total disability for example.