[a_dub]

The average woman takes 30 minutes? ****. When i get a hard on i'm not waiting a half hour just to bust let alone get started. I think this proves maturbation is superior to sex for men.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

But, a_dub, when talking about togetherness, pleasing "another person" not thyself, masturbation is out!

[a_dub]

But, a_dub, when talking about togetherness, pleasing "another person" not thyself, masturbation is out!

Perhaps I'm just emotionally cold, even for a man. I'm definitely impulsive thats for sure.

How have you been CW? A lot of original ladies don't seem to post here anymore so its good to see you!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

That's very possible, but it can change, when you meet that lady and you will one day.

Thanks for asking and for your comment I think a few have been lurking and will start re-posting, the hick-up with the site made it almost impossible for me to post. Mod no problem, post no way Glad to be back posting.

[Stillness]

a_dub, comparing good sex and masturbation is like comparing eating a bag of cheetos by yourself while watching a b-movie to enjoying a nutritious 4-course meal along with stimulating conversation with an interesting dinner date. They're remotely similar and you may get some pleasure and satisfaction, but they're not the same thing.

Porn screws your head up. You actually might not be able to properly enjoy a woman. I hope that's not the case, because pornography and your hand cannot make you feel what a woman you love and who loves you and wants to please you can.

[a_dub]

a_dub, comparing good sex and masturbation is like comparing eating a bag of cheetos by yourself while watching a b-movie to enjoying a nutritious 4-course meal along with stimulating conversation with an interesting dinner date. They're remotely similar and you may get some pleasure and satisfaction, but they're not the same thing.

Porn screws your head up. You actually might not be able to properly enjoy a woman. I hope that's not the case, because pornography and your hand cannot make you feel what a woman you love and who loves you and wants to please you can.

I've had some pretty incredible masturbation sessions. I generally only masturbate to women i know in real life even though i watch a lot of porn.

Of ccourse i've unremarkable sessions as well, but i imagine actual sex is like that as well. It all comes down to how aroused you are at that time.

Over the past couple of years i've really taken a liking to an older woman who is the wife of a friend of mine. Such an elegant and classy woman even though she's 15 years older than me. I could never get a woman like that, so fantasizing about her is the next best thing.

[kira]

We probably spend 30-60mins from someone initiating sex to finishing except for maybe an extra 30mins afterward to use toys on me if I'm not done. I wouldn't want hours. I'd be sore and numb by then. He already has to be creative if it takes more than about 30mins to get me ready because all the usual spots will no longer be responding. I watch porn a fair amount but it doesn't really get me aroused. I need a story behind it. When I'm reading books or online erotica we have a lot more sex and less lube usage.

[atskitty2]

I feel for you OP. My ex hubby was similar. He never really figured out how to be with me. I tried teaching, directing, coaching and talking and after 20 yrs, he still never really got it. It improved but was never really satisfactory.

Years ago, someone told me that women are crock pots (slow cookers) and men are microwave ovens.
I think that's funny, and true generally speaking.

I certainly don't mean to be discouraging but it takes a lot of work on both your parts. Teaching someone how to understand that you're different and to have them care enough to change what's their own natural inclination... Well, it's hard work.

You've been given some good ideas here, but I want to add 2 things that I don't think were mentioned.
1. Have a talk outside the boudoir. Discuss it seriously but without the pressures of impending intercourse or perceived criticism. I even kept some discussion on a biological level...
2. In your OP, you commented about not wanting to be a bad wife for bringing this up. You won't be! Trying to make your life and marriage better is always good. Trying to meet your needs is healthy, and will be good for you, your hubby, your kids...everything!

Good luck

[rcoreyus]

I wonder if porn makes men miss out more than women. Men who run into porn before they have been intimate with women may miss the entire point of intimacy, and think its all just variations on bump and grind.

[kira]

I have found most will quickly give up the false lessons learned from porn after a relationship or 2. The ones that don't are the ones who don't care about the other person and would never listen to you anyway.