[Stillness]

Now you're really getting to know the community, 123. We just came out of a really buggy period, so we're experiencing a minor rebirth. But, this is what we do to threads. We'll help you a little, but we'll also take your question as an opportunity to talk about other stuff...not necessarily in that order.

Welcome.

[jen1447]

I have found most will quickly give up the false lessons learned from porn after a relationship or 2. The ones that don't are the ones who don't care about the other person and would never listen to you anyway.

Or like 123's guy, are too bullheaded to consider it. I agree tho lol, I've been with a couple inexperienced guys, and after they use a finger and then try to reach up and jam it in my mouth after 5 seconds of that I just say "hold on, hold on, I already know what that tastes like. Okay, back to basics here ..." They've generally just sat back respectfully and done what I've told them after that.

Another (slightly OT) pet peeve are the orgasm interrogators. "Did you cum?" or "Are you close?" or "I want you to cum for me - 50 TIMES!" That's sweet and all, but first of all they're not you're orgasms, their mine no matter how you slice it, and while I guess I can try to accommodate you by orgasming, they should learn that I can do it very easily without them even being there, so the orgasm itself is not really the goal. It's the fun of getting there within the shared experience.

[atskitty2]

Lol! Love that jen! Yep...I get a kick out of a man who feels such a responsibility for it...I'm not criticizing, but yes, anything said repetitively, especially during sex, is just annoying!

[a_dub]

Havent all men watched porn before losing their virginities? I the average age of firs sex is 17, most guys have seen porn by then. I didn't really start watching porn till i was 25 but i had still seen some.

[a_dub]

Or like 123's guy, are too bullheaded to consider it. I agree tho lol, I've been with a couple inexperienced guys, and after they use a finger and then try to reach up and jam it in my mouth after 5 seconds of that I just say "hold on, hold on, I already know what that tastes like. Okay, back to basics here ..." They've generally just sat back respectfully and done what I've told them after that.

At first i thought you meant they try to jam their penis in your mouth. Then i realized you meant their finger after it had been in your hoo hoo.

Isnt the girl sucking the guys fingers astandard sex move???

[Lady Syrinx]

I know my husband is a prodigious reader and does plenty of research on his own. I also will send him interesting tidbits I find. Maybe this is one of the perks of marrying a self-described "geek." Maybe you can encourage your husband to his own research tinstead of just telling him what he needs to do he might start to see things differently.

[jns]

Sex is one of those things that a rank amateur will think he or she is a master of.

I have never had sex yet I know I could satisfy any woman. Its all about creativity and taking cues. Casanova had sex for the first tune once and he was good at it. Us gifted 'athletes' have an instinctive sense. Watching porn doesn't necessarily guarantee one will aquire those instincts.

I have yet to see many instinctual only athletes at the pro ranks. All of the pros train very hard to hone their skills. And in contested athletics there is always a set of rules to follow and those rules can dictate how to train.

With another person, not only does one have to hone their skills, but the rulebook changes with every individual. Maybe not completely out of the box, but quite different. The ability to adapt and communicate may go further than instinctive sense.

[Lady Syrinx]

Sex is one of those things that a rank amateur will think he or she is a master of.

I have never had sex yet I know I could satisfy any woman. Its all about creativity and taking cues. Casanova had sex for the first tune once and he was good at it. Us gifted 'athletes' have an instinctive sense. Watching porn doesn't necessarily guarantee one will aquire those instincts.

I have yet to see many instinctual only athletes at the pro ranks. All of the pros train very hard to hone their skills. And in contested athletics there is always a set of rules to follow and those rules can dictate how to train.

With another person, not only does one have to hone their skills, but the rulebook changes with every individual. Maybe not completely out of the box, but quite different. The ability to adapt and communicate may go further than instinctive sense.

That`s a great analogy! I think this gels nicely with my comment regarding geeks. . I think a geek uses a modified version of the scientific method in other facets of life, everything is an "experiment." Sex is probably one of the most important of these "experiments." I`m not saying my husband keeps detailed, written data on what works and what doesn't like Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory would. But all of his research has paid off more than he could`ve imagined.

[jen1447]

IMO it's 'instinctive' to mate, but it's not instinctive to pleasure another person (unless it happens to be coincidental with mating - which means that guys would be more likely to be pleasured by 'instinctive' mating, because all they'd need to do is penetrate, thrust for 30 seconds, and orgasm. Not so simple for women.)

Experience and what I'd prefer to call passion rather than instinct are both indispensable. Experience - you've done it before, you know the ropes, you're not gonna shoot your goo 30 seconds in, etc. More importantly tho is experience with your partner. You know what makes him or her tick and know how to hit those spots. That leaves passion, which can take you a long way on its own, but works much better for foreplay and fooling around than actual real sex. For example, inspired by passion, you and your partner might make a really good kissing combo. It could be red hot in the kissing department. But when it comes time to get down to business, enthusiasm's not gonna be enough to make it good. All that said, 'experienced' sex without passion is no good either. No one wants to just go thru the motions, even if you know the motions very well.

Bottom line: there is no great sex without at least some level of experience, especially experience with the person you're trying to please, and there's no great sex at all without passion. If you don't have any experience, the solution is simple - get some. And most everybody has passion, at least if you're healthy.

[a_dub]

I guess I meant 'passion' loosely instead of intinct. Or perhaps a better word would be aquired instinct.

For examlple, women seem to require foreplay to have any success beyond that point. To me it seems fairly instinctive for a guy to make out with her first. Caress her hair, neck, face, shoulders, and breasts before moving down between her legs. It also seems fairly instinctive to 'play' with her vagina before your penis dives in and the only way to do that is with your fingers and mouth (i find toys emasculating as if I'm not skilled enough). Sure i suppose you could use your kneecaps too but you know...

And we havent talked about erotic massages, chocolate syrup, or role playing (also not something i'm a fan of).

Even though I'm a virgin who has never even held hands with a girl let alone boinked one, I did exchange dirty emails with a woman once for a couple of months. She claimed to have gotten off to it, so I assume I was pretty good, lol.

All that knowledge i've just aquired through the journey of life so i think sexual skills can be 'instinctive' especially in the 21st century where sexual info can be found so readily.