[CHANDLERS WISH]

You have to type fast

What I would like and I'll say it again and actually the last time I will say it.

The question was " why do guy's always want sex on the first date", nothing about rape or assault.

However the OP also had questions and we should "only" be addressing "her" and to her questions direct not as a third party and not in discussion of what is and what is not rape or sexual assault, off course we can comment direct to the OP that we feel it was or wasn't but other than that, start a new thread obviously it's an interesting topic of debate and is welcome.

Thank you.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well, the OP has not been back for awhile.

The "OP" started the thread yesterday.

Sweet please also, as asked in my previous post let us know if you want us to pick up on the old thread no one answered for you..

[jns]

I know I put myself in the position yesterday? But I'm still confused on how it all happened so quickly? There is this guy that's been hounding me to " hang out ". We don't know know each other? I thought throw on sweat pants and huge shirt? Act a bit loud and not girly? 20 minutes in? He'd excuse himself and leave? Next thing I knew? I wasnt thinking. I should of grabbed a cab home? Instead, I got in his Lincoln Town car? He drives around in circles for a while? He drives me to the lake? seriously start
to HIT on me. Extremely handys so I tell him " Im not ready for whatever it is that your thinking of "?. He says " sorry, I cant help it ". Then, drives me out of there goes into another part of town ONCE again to another lake ...then throws himself at me once again....kissing me in places? then he sticks his finger inside me...starts kissing me again :S I tell him.." I cant I just c an't".
After this? he whips out his penis and says " look what you did.. you made me so hard ". :S I tell him he did it to himself! then he leans over and kisses me AGAIN! whispers" I want you so bad ". Starts up trying to get back down my pants again! puts his finger in me AGAIN!! ( I donno what was wrong with me...my head was shouting this is wrong...I was repeating GET out of there... but strangely? I was MOANING while telling him GET OUT OF THERE )
e d
Afterwards, he gets out... but ends up masterbating in front of me. Then says it took so much to have self control? :S He really wanted me right there... how the heck does sweat pants and massive T shirt say WELCOME ******** me? After the entire thing? he drives me home.. on the way home he went REALLy quiet. When he drove me home? He ends up saying he's sorry for throwing himself on me? Hopes I don't hate him....

Entire thing was just confusing! First he treats me like a guy friend? Then he bumps it into booty call request mode? Afterwards,?? he texts me from midnight til 5am wanting to know what I am doing? if im ok? ( sorry for the massive long story ) this isn't something you can gossip to friends about... I could use another female opinion

He wanted you to be a full participant in sex but he didn't want to wait for a relationship that it would have been natural in. He is a predator who fortunately stopped where he did. Don't think that that's where things would end if the situation repeated. You were lucky he didn't force you. I would call it rape, but if you don't want to, that's your decision. As far as the moaning, it was an involuntary reaction: not your fault. I would stay away from him and anyone like him.

[effy2014]

CW, you have given wise advice. I did not read all of mzhk's other threads and your comments/questions are well placed.

Nonetheless, I think the comments from all -- consent and sexual assault included -- were both relevant to answer the issues posed by mzhk.

[PhrendlyPhil]

mzhk: Well, your post doesn't say where you met to begin your date. Based on the experience you described and the title of your post, may I suggest some ground rules going forward. 1. NEVER HAVE SEX (OR ANY OTHER SEXUAL ACTIVITY) ON A FIRST DATE (see reason below). 2. To ensure #1 and to ensure your safety, always MEET your first date at an agreed upon public location/business (restaurant, coffee house, bowling ally, etc). Very few women have been sexually assaulted in full public view. 3. When the date is over you go to your home, he goes to his home, separately.

Going on a first date under these guidelines assures that you won't be assaulted or even pressured because both of you know and have agreed up front that the whole "date" is in public view.

Now the reason: A first date should never be sexual. The purpose of going on the date is to get to know one another and perhaps consider the date as a potential spouse (at some point). Having sex or petting of any sort will confuse the issue and you will have learned very little about the other person except how they are in bed, which is a very bad start. Some women will go for a one night stand - most will regret it. Many men seek out a one night stand - rarely reflecting on it as a great way to get to know the woman.

Your post shows that you had reservations about this guy before you even left your front door (your choice of clothing, your reluctance). Further details of your "date" shows that your instincts were correct. In the future follow my guidelines and your first dates, if not fun and worthwhile, will at least be safe. A good man will wait for you.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

CW, you have given wise advice. I did not read all of mzhk's other threads and your comments/questions are well placed.

Nonetheless, I think the comments from all -- consent and sexual assault included -- were both relevant to answer the issues posed by mzhk.

I agree see below which obviously was mis-interpreted.

However the OP also had questions and we should "only" be addressing "her" and to her questions direct not as a third party and not in discussion of what is and what is not rape or sexual assault, off course we can comment direct to the OP that we feel it was or wasn't but other than that, start a new thread obviously it's an interesting topic of debate and is welcome.

A debate occurred over what is and what isn't sexual assault and / or rape with various general scenarios and it got off topic as a result where the OP was left out un-able to answer or ask further questions. To answer mzhk's personal question which lead to the suggestion of assault or rape, you would state for instance " In my opinion it was rape because............." the end.

Perhaps the OP would then be able to read it all and realise what occurred, come to her own conclusion ask more questions.


I suggested a new thread be started about the said topic in general because of the debate over beliefs in this regard that are valid, good points and a good topic. Stillness started one and I see the confusion as he used the OP as a continuation of the conversation. I've asked he start one again, as "general discussion" and I'll close that thread.

Sorry if I confused anyone.

[rcoreyus]

Trying to discuss the original question: Not all guys want sex on the first date. Many are nice guys who want to get to know someone and have a friendship evolve into romance that gradually becomes physical. Then there are some who are looking for friendship but become so excited that they want sex - this can be OK if the woman is interested as well. Nothing wrong with a date where everything clicks and and they wind up sleeping together. The absolutely need to stop though if their partner doesn't want to go further.

Then there are the guys who are just out for sex. Unfortunately many will lie and deceive to get what they want. They will pretend to be "nice" guys. All you can do is try to recognize and steer well clear of this sort. If you do wind up with someone like this, get out of the situation as soon as you can, and make it VERY clear that you do not want sex .

[Motorguy]

Trying to discuss the original question: Not all guys want sex on the first date. Many are nice guys who want to get to know someone and have a friendship evolve into romance that gradually becomes physical. Then there are some who are looking for friendship but become so excited that they want sex - this can be OK if the woman is interested as well. Nothing wrong with a date where everything clicks and and they wind up sleeping together. The absolutely need to stop though if their partner doesn't want to go further.

Then there are the guys who are just out for sex. Unfortunately many will lie and deceive to get what they want. They will pretend to be "nice" guys. All you can do is try to recognize and steer well clear of this sort. If you do wind up with someone like this, get out of the situation as soon as you can, and make it VERY clear that you do not want sex .

I been married many years now, so i am pretty rusty with the dating now days. But when I was dating sex on a first date never came about was more into finding out about the lady I was dating of her life and hobbies. Then how she was in bed that came later. But then I did have my relationship with my FWB that was wonderful no strings attach by just sex as that a whole new story.

[Baboy]

I dunno, Motorguy, you don't come across as all that rusty. Rather au courant I would say. I had to google "FWB" to come up with, inter alia, "friend with benefits". My initial take was "famous white boyfriend". I think your intended meaning was more likely the former, not the latter.

[Motorguy]

I dunno, Motorguy, you don't come across as all that rusty. Rather au courant I would say. I had to google "FWB" to come up with, inter alia, "friend with benefits". My initial take was "famous white boyfriend". I think your intended meaning was more likely the former, not the latter.

Thanks yes what I saying it was former dating life then now being I am married now going on 27 years now. Yes my FWB was a awesome life with no strings didn't have to worry about feeling getting hurt and so on was all about the sex nothing else.