[Magnetism]

I couldn't agree more with these two statements!!!

By her own admission, my wife was much more promiscuous than me before I met her and continued to be for at least six months after we started dating. However, now that I reflect on our relationship, she was the most prude and least skilled woman that I've slept with, even after 20+ years of marriage. I'm not trying to be harsh or speaking out of resentment, but objectively based on skills alone, I could easily have believed her either then or now if she claimed to be a virgin. In all those years, she gradually opened up to allow me to please her orally, manually, using a vibrator and at the very end of our relationship she would occasionally masturbate in front of me. However, I can count on two hands the number of times she tried to please me manually and on my two feet the number of times she tried to please me orally, and still have fingers and toes left. To make matters worse, less than half of those attempts were good enough to achieve orgasm. My wife was unskilled, close minded and selfish - the antithesis of a perfect trifecta if there ever was one.

Regardless of how good or bad our relationship was, she always said that I was the best lover she's ever had and there isn't even a close second.

I fell in love with her, not the sex, but unfortunately the sex never got any better for me and the relationship slowly deteriorated. I still love her, but I haven't been in love with her for years. Aren't I a complete fool?

Missed this post. You know what? I've also heard that too. That a promiscuous person will become asexual when they're married or in a long-term relationship. This is another reason why I don't want to bed hop. I'm concerned that being so used to that "high" during casual sex will make it harder to bond in the long-term. By saving yourself for someone special, I would have tons of sexual energy to give to that person.

[JonDoe]

Missed this post. You know what? I've also heard that too. That a promiscuous person will become asexual when they're married or in a long-term relationship. This is another reason why I don't want to bed hop. I'm concerned that being so used to that "high" during casual sex will make it harder to bond in the long-term. By saving yourself for someone special, I would have tons of sexual energy to give to that person.

As a generalization, I don't think people that abstain make better sex partners anymore than promiscuous people make better sex partners. Sure good experiences can help and bad experiences can hinder, but nothing will stand in the way of having a fulling sex life than a selfish, close-minded partner. Steer clear of these types at all costs!

[Magnetism]

As a generalization, I don't think people that abstain make better sex partners anymore than promiscuous people make better sex partners. Sure good experiences can help and bad experiences can hinder, but nothing will stand in the way of having a fulling sex life than a selfish, close-minded partner. Steer clear of these types at all costs!

That wasn't my intent to say that people that abstain make better partners than promiscuous people. While I try to accept people's different paths, I've been the recipient of judgmental comments from promiscuous people. Promiscuous people complain about being judged, but us that don't want to adopt that lifestyle get judged too.

[effy2014]

It seems to me that, when people believe that they are in a minority or a shunned activity, they (me included) tend to proselytize their actions. If one is more promiscuous and feels society looks down at them, the natural reaction is to label people who wait for the "right relationship" as prudes or "giving the aura" of being nonsexual. People who think sex should follow connection look at promiscuous people as emotionally vacant bed-hoppers. I feel the same way about swinging posts here -- probably erroneously -- that they try to convert us monogamists by writing that it takes a special relationship -- stronger and more trusting than mine -- to succeed. I probably do the same by claiming that monogamy is the superior way. Unfortunately, we judge others either by conditioning (religious, cultural, societal) or because we are uncertain in the path we have chosen.

I enjoy these discussions because they tend to break stereotypes and can get others to understand an alternative way of thinking. Some people are promiscuous because sex is a means for acceptance and companionship, not because of a huge sexual appetite or acrobatic moves. In that case, following the stereotype can be disastrous. The same can be written of the reverse; some that wait for the right relationship may well have shut down sexually forever.

[atskitty2]

I think my friend's point was just that, it's very difficult for him to imagine a woman with a high sex drive to go for almost 4 years (as I have) with not so much as a touch from a man, and rarely masturbating. He took my point, that it's intimacy & the relationship, the physical touch & scent of a man that I crave, rarely the orgasm itself, but I still think his point is a reasonable one, and suited for him, and likely many others who choose that lifestyle. I think that so-called promiscuous men & women can be great lovers, same as the more reserved types such as myself. I think a lot of virtuous men & women are lousy lovers too - it isn't necessarily a blanket statement we can make.

Another point he was trying to make is, that you cannot be good at something you never practice or work at. Now, whether that's developed over a long term monogamous relationship or with various partners, the point is, it takes experience. No doubt, I'll be a lousy lay once I get back in the game, but I think it won't take long for the overdrive to kick in again, and I'll be just fine (wink wink)!

[Magnetism]

I think my friend's point was just that, it's very difficult for him to imagine a woman with a high sex drive to go for almost 4 years (as I have) with not so much as a touch from a man, and rarely masturbating. He took my point, that it's intimacy & the relationship, the physical touch & scent of a man that I crave, rarely the orgasm itself, but I still think his point is a reasonable one, and suited for him, and likely many others who choose that lifestyle. I think that so-called promiscuous men & women can be great lovers, same as the more reserved types such as myself. I think a lot of virtuous men & women are lousy lovers too - it isn't necessarily a blanket statement we can make.

Another point he was trying to make is, that you cannot be good at something you never practice or work at. Now, whether that's developed over a long term monogamous relationship or with various partners, the point is, it takes experience. No doubt, I'll be a lousy lay once I get back in the game, but I think it won't take long for the overdrive to kick in again, and I'll be just fine (wink wink)!

Ah, that makes sense. If someone is rarely masturbating, then I would wonder about that drive. Masturbation is my way of fulfilling my needs. As far as not having enough practice, my blowjob skills don't get rusty when I take a break from intimacy. My technique is just something that comes naturally. I think that if you're confident about your skills and you love a certain sex act a lot, you don't forget how to stop being good at it.

[Magnetism]

It seems to me that, when people believe that they are in a minority or a shunned activity, they (me included) tend to proselytize their actions. If one is more promiscuous and feels society looks down at them, the natural reaction is to label people who wait for the "right relationship" as prudes or "giving the aura" of being nonsexual. People who think sex should follow connection look at promiscuous people as emotionally vacant bed-hoppers. I feel the same way about swinging posts here -- probably erroneously -- that they try to convert us monogamists by writing that it takes a special relationship -- stronger and more trusting than mine -- to succeed. I probably do the same by claiming that monogamy is the superior way. Unfortunately, we judge others either by conditioning (religious, cultural, societal) or because we are uncertain in the path we have chosen.

I enjoy these discussions because they tend to break stereotypes and can get others to understand an alternative way of thinking. Some people are promiscuous because sex is a means for acceptance and companionship, not because of a huge sexual appetite or acrobatic moves. In that case, following the stereotype can be disastrous. The same can be written of the reverse; some that wait for the right relationship may well have shut down sexually forever.

My issue with promiscuous people (both men and women) is when they continuously want me to jump in bed with them, no matter how many times I explain my point of view. It's partially my responsibility for staying in these friendships, as I thought I could just be nice and don't judge. It's not like they were FORCING me to have sex, but they would verbally suggest it or try to entice me. It does start to get uncomfortable when you know your friends are hoping that you will just cave in. I've learned that when someone wants something badly, NOTHING will stop them. Looking back, I could have just walked away from these promiscuous people and not wasted my breath on them. At this point, I view being friends with non-promiscuous people as emotionally safer and more respectful of my choices. If I met a promiscuous person that was okay with just being friends, then I would be okay with it. So, I think my negative experiences are what leave a bad taste in my mouth about that sub-culture. I'm sure they also would find me annoying as well, but I don't want to change myself to please them.

[effy2014]

Another point he was trying to make is, that you cannot be good at something you never practice or work at. Now, whether that's developed over a long term monogamous relationship or with various partners, the point is, it takes experience. No doubt, I'll be a lousy lay once I get back in the game, but I think it won't take long for the overdrive to kick in again, and I'll be just fine (wink wink)!

I'm not convinced that one needs to practice the sex craft to maintain competence, especially if it means having sex with random people. The only thing my SO's sexual hiatus meant to me was to go slower the first time we were in bed, but she nixed that right away. I will take enthusiasm over technique every day -- as you say, it will all come rushing back with the right man.

[JonDoe]

I will take enthusiasm over technique every day

Enthusiasm for the win!

[Magnetism]

I'm not convinced that one needs to practice the sex craft to maintain competence, especially if it means having sex with random people. The only thing my SO's sexual hiatus meant to me was to go slower the first time we were in bed, but she nixed that right away. I will take enthusiasm over technique every day -- as you say, it will all come rushing back with the right man.

Enthusiasm and chemistry for sure!

No matter how many times I have vaginal penetration, my body is built for a man to take it SLOW and gentle at first.