[PJhavinfunagain]

oops I think I spelled conscientious wrong. The above meaning is not what I meant!

[Texinator]

his hand is more attractive

Does not compute.

If we consider that

Masturbation with hand = good
Sex with woman = great

and

great > good

then

Sex > Masturbation

[WildChild]

I love him very much so I am willing to work through this and not walk away. I'm just hoping we can get through this before I loose this awesome sex drive I have begun to have. Sex should be fun and not soo stressful...it takes all the fun out of it! But it is hard for me since I'm older and all he looks at are teens....I know I do not look like that any more after three children!! It just seems like some men are not happy either way...either their women are not sexual enough or when they do get one that is they turn to porn and hand. I know not all men are like that but it is still frustrating. Sometimes I see why women turn to other women....we understand each other and probably wouldn't do that..ha ha ha I just want to be on the same page with my husband but he says he is happy with everything...how can a man be happy knowing his wife isn't being satisfied?? It's like the lazy lover syndrome...it is much easier to get yourself off then it is to work to get the other one off so you just do it yourself! Men don't get that it isn't only the sexual part a woman wants...she also NEEDS that physical touch of a man...a dildo can't kiss your body or wrap their arms around you. I'm looking forward to chatting more with all of you...hopefully talking this out can get results we are looking for...thank you all for your advice!

Moni, I agree with you. Although I have to say that I've seen lesbian freinds go through plenty of frustrations too. It's seems there are plenty of sexually and emotionally selfish people in both genders.

Your husband's attitude sounds pretty classic, "I'm ok with it, what's your problem?" When you are in a committed relationship it should be about both of you. We've had discussion here about this before, esentially the one with the lower interest controls the sex. The old bit we may have grown up hearing (I'm "older" too) that it was women who weren't interested has turned out to be a more balanced truth that there men and women who have little to no interest.

The problem is many faceted; You start out well matched and one changes, you start sexually ill matched but so infatuated that it doesn't matter until later, one or the other withdraws emotionally and choses to self pleasure rather than have a loving shared experience, I suppose the causes are endless. People slip into relationship destructive behaviors, maybe both get caught up in just earning a living and raising a family and don't realise how far out of tune it gone until the kids are getting more independent.

You may be able to turn this around if you can just get him to truly hear you. Is he open to talking about it?

[WildChild]

Does not compute.

If we consider that

Masturbation with hand = good
Sex with woman = great

and

great > good

then

Sex > Masturbation

Ah, but

hand = sit in recliner, done in 2-3 mins, grab remote, watch CSI
woman = interaction, touching, paying attention to someone else, even a quickie will take more than 2-3 mins (especially if used to hard and fast by hand) no remote - cannot make woman appear or disappear with touch of button

[Guest]

Does not compute.

If we consider that

Masturbation with hand = good
Sex with woman = great

and

great > good

then

Sex > Masturbation

It always puzzles me when women chose a vibrator over a human. For me masturbation is a substitute for sex...

[Texinator]

hand = sit in recliner, done in 2-3 mins, grab remote, watch CSI
woman = interaction, touching, paying attention to someone else, even a quickie will take more than 2-3 mins (especially if used to hard and fast by hand) no remote - cannot make woman appear or disappear with touch of button

The higher effort should be worth the higher reward. CSI can wait.

[WildChild]

The higher effort should be worth the higher reward. CSI can wait.

LOL occasionally I out rank it

[Texinator]

WC, do you think he is just being selfish or did he maybe have some partners before that had a low sex drive and he ended up training himself to prefer masturbation?

[WildChild]

It's a combination. He's been badly burned in relationships before, which is one reason I haven't just dumped and run. I've had some really negative stuff happen to me but made a conscious choice to open up and trust until given a reason not to. He started out trusting and loving - had some things happen, part of it was ex-wife induced stress and other part was some legal stuff I had to deal with that reminded him of a mess he had been in years ago. That kicked off a downward spiral. Occasionally he'll open up and tell me he's working on it. Guess I'm starting to lose patience. How long do you give someone, is a hard question to answer.

Basically he's kind of curled up in a ball like a hedgehog. I'm standing here deciding between walking away, poking at him with a stick or waiting until he decides to uncurl-if he does.

[Texinator]

Maybe you just need to jump on him whenever you know he's rubbing him out and help him rediscover that Sex > Masturbation.

Of course he might like it to much that he'll have his hands down his pants 24/7 in the hope that you'll 'punish' him with some sex.