[CHANDLERS WISH]

Carl

Please go back and finish what you've started. I've read your posts and I know you're scared but you know deep down that you're doing the right thing now to make sure you don't do the wrong thing in the future.

You say what's wrong with thoughts if you don't act on them... well the men who do go on to rape women and children started off with just thoughts, and probably thought they'd never act on them.

The professionals you speak of just want to do whatever necessary to stop you crossing that line. They can probably see, as we can, that you're a good man, a decent human being who is desperate not to turn into a 'monster'. That is why you sought help.

Please don't turn back now.

Think about how bad you feel when you act on your sexual urges, how you make your mum and other people feel, and fight the fear.

If nothing else, think about what someone (fire I think) said about prison- you don't want to go there!

Please be strong. We're all here to support you so you don't need to feel alone.

Good luck and keep us posted.

WOW Maz, you left nothing out.. And it is a fact Carl, that we all read what you write, maz remembers after this many posts, your mum, prison, your urges, and that your a good person and not alone...

You know i think the exact same as Maz has written.

Off course your scared and i'm glad you wrote another post instead of keeping it to yourself, or just communicating with a friend only.

You are a "good person" absolutely and you know that. There will be downers but there will be great experiences of "freedom" no more pain when you constantly masterbate, a relationship again with your Mum, your not giving up anything, your enhancing your life and saving yourself from distruction.

Remember, if you can kick it, (like me with smoking) then they can give him back a little bit of life so you can enjoy intimacy with that special woman whom you will not find now, but will later.

It's hard because you've formed so many habits but you don't have to leave home and go out, because you won't need that addiction, you can be at peace and feel free...

Try to think of the positives.

CW

[Guest]

How the heck am i suppose to decide wether i go freely to have my "MANHOOD" (balls) removed and my made numb so then at the end all i have is a for peeing !.

I cant decide and not sure if i can go friday although i dont know if its for the op or not.

Bets mostly esp women think im sad being controled by his , and i darnt think what the guys think.

Im just a ****ing looser, who could end up not a man anymore.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

How the heck am i suppose to decide wether i go freely to have my "MANHOOD" (balls) removed and my made numb so then at the end all i have is a for peeing !.

I cant decide and not sure if i can go friday although i dont know if its for the op or not.

Bets mostly esp women think im sad being controled by his , and i darnt think what the guys think.

Im just a ****ing looser, who could end up not a man anymore.

Carl... Can you disagree with the "numb" bit? I know from googling that even with casteration you can still get errect just not able to have children, and the female hormones can be stopped, it's like a stepping stone, to get you out of this rut, to then deal with things later..

No I am a woman, your asking if the guys could cope with this, not wanting women's replies, as you feel that they will be biast.

For me, i want you to live, be happy, have a relationship, get rid of what God gave you, too much testosterone, but enough that you can have a fulfilling life with a partner... You just have too much that makes you want to be evil when you are actually a nice person.

I don't like the numb bit, but they may have decided that you are out of control but only you can answer this, ARE YOU?

WILL YOU do the unspeakable or are you still the threader, the one that said I DON'T WANT TO and i can handle some things.

If you can't handle ANYTHING remember, some things can be reversed such as getting a feeling but way lower than now...

ASK about this numbness and whether it is really necessary at this stage or can be decided based on therapy and the other methods they are planning..

Just my thoughts.

CW

[Guest]

They are not sure whether or not to do the numbness, the Dr She said she highly recommends balls being removed and penis made numb so I don’t get any pleasure when touching myself as that’s half the problem and it needs to be controlled before it’s too late and Louise agreed with her.

The Dr did say same as you chandler that I can still get erections will still be able to cum but I won’t be as turned on and my cum will be infertile, but her saying that she and Louise think my sex drive need to be put on hold, Louise says short term were then I’ll be on “Female hormone injections” for six months, but the Dr she feels numbness is the best way as I can still cheat by getting Viagra to get hard were as if I’m numb there is no sexual pleasure when I stroke myself.

Both Louise, Judith, my Gp and the Dr that’s going to remove my balls says that I am out of control especially when aroused I don’t care what or whom I’m hurting when I masturbate and cum in public or in front of my mommy etc, yet with what happened with Nicole didn’t help as I should have stopped it no matter what the outcome was, yet I chose to let Nicole do what she did etc. But I know myself when I have a hard on and I masturbate and there is pleasure in my penis I am out of control, but sometimes I’m fully hard aching and there is no pleasure in my penis as I’ve just cum but again hard.
They have said I will have to have therapy has been horny for so many years and having my sex drive removed I will be depressed can’t get any lower then I am now thinking suicide) but will need help to deal with not having a sex drive.
They Louise and Judith have decided I am out of control that’s why I’m on the register, I myself I don’t know I don’t like being controlled by my penis but I enjoy masturbating and Cumming and admit I like to be seen doing it that’s why I go out in public, but I admit I think about young girls when I get horny and think about sex, but I think about same when it’s a woman so why do they say I’m a danger, yes it was me and me only that went seeking help but hand on my heart now I wish I didn’t.
And I CANNOT decide or know what to do, 95% says don’t go Friday other 5% doesn’t know...

What I meant when I said god knows what the women here or the men think of me, women probably agree I need my balls removed and penis numb, guys probably think what a ****ing Looser controlled by his , and I guess your right I am, but been a looser since I was 6yrs old so what’s different, I went seeking help as I lost good friend and it really upset me as they meant a lot and the friends meaning (Di, Simon & there 2 daughters) and I will never ever forgive myself and part of me wishes I didn’t have balls or a penis, but doesn’t mean I can make that decision now because I can’t simple as that.
Part of me wish’s I didn’t post here with my problems when you probably have your own things to worry about then post to some I guess pervert, and I’m sorry for that I truly am.

Carl

[maz33]

How the heck am i suppose to decide wether i go freely to have my "MANHOOD" (balls) removed and my made numb so then at the end all i have is a for peeing !.

I cant decide and not sure if i can go friday although i dont know if its for the op or not.

Bets mostly esp women think im sad being controled by his , and i darnt think what the guys think.

Im just a ****ing looser, who could end up not a man anymore.

Carl listen,

I'm not gonna pretend to understand how difficult this whole thing must be for you but you've got to remember why you asked for help in the first place. You know you've got a problem so weigh up the pro's and cons. Would you rather keep your 'bits and bobs' intact and risk causing distress and possible lifelong trauma to another human being, not to mention yourself? Or would you rather trust the professionals to rid you of this demon that has been controlling you for so long?

I obviously can only imagine the turmoil your mind is in over this. The problem here is, whether you can see it now or not, your manhood is potentially very dangerous. High risk yes, I agree.

I'm sure nobody thinks you're "sad" or a "loser". You can't control the urges, they control you.

People probably have alot of respect for you because you recognise that you have a problem and you're trying to fix it. You didn't just run away and hide, coming out just to flash at little girls. You didn't just pretend everything was fine like a sad loser would have.

You have behaved like a MAN, holding up his hands and taking responsibility for his actions.

You should be proud of yourself for coming this far, but you've got to see it out.

Do this for yourself as much as for others.

As a child I was subjected to a form of sexual assault by a man who "couldn't control his urges". That was 20 years ago and I still haven't really got over it. When I think about it, my mind goes back to being a 13 year old, trapped in a car, with this person I thought I could trust, scared for my life, not knowing what this person was going to do next.

That experience damaged me in a way I can't explain. It drove me to depression, drug and alcohol abuse, attempted suicide, and I still need therapy now, 20 years later. In some ways I've never been able to let go of that scared little girl and have never been able to really trust.

Please do what you know you need to.

[Guest]

Maz, i to was sexualy abused by two girls at school and a boy, and it was pure , but i still cant decide i really cannot im a let down simple as that hun.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

It takes a whole lot of woman to share that Maz...

When i joined i did the same, shared things that i would not usually do to help someone.

I only hope he listens..

Just wanted to say that to you because you went deep within yourself and chose to express things that usually you would have kept to yourself.

More power to you..

CW

[maz33]

Maz, i to was sexualy abused by two girls at school and a boy, and it was pure , but i still cant decide i really cannot im a let down simple as that hun.

You're not a let down Carl, you're human!

But you are on the right track to living a "normal" happy life if you just stay on that train.

[Guest]

Im gutted for you maz, i cry when i hear about women.men. boys girls being sexualy abused or hurt in anyway and i get angry just the same when i hear about kids being bullied at school, im 42 and i cry about these things. i wish all there pain and yours would come on to me so they never feel any pain or anythink, i went through it at school and abused and bullying but the way i think of myself i dont care for me, but i do care for others, what you just did on here maz and told us what you went through fills me with pure respect for you, you are a strong person and it took some guys to post here what you went through, brings a lump to my throat to be honest.

Carl

[maz33]

... i cry when i hear about women.men. boys girls being sexualy abused or hurt in anyway and i get angry just the same when i hear about kids being bullied at school, im 42 and i cry about these things.

... brings a lump to my throat to be honest.

Carl

I cry too. *sniff* and this subject is the only one that makes me angry.

Like I said, please do what you can to break the cycle of abuse.