[Guest]

I dont know what to do, its just the thought of having my balls removed, freaks me out tbh, but have to see louise on monday and see what she says, plus they want to examinemy balls etc, dont really want to go, dont like hospitals and the thought of them cuttingmy bollocks out, really scares me, i think about it and ive been sick already, just really really terrified.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Carl,

Off course your terrified.

There are two Carl's at the moment.

One who is intelligent can communicate with people and wants to be "normal" as any other male and live a happier life without fighting with his demon other alter ego.

Which is the other Carl, which you loathe.. He has a real nasty side, one that eventually may take over the nice Carl and do things that the nice Carl would not do.

Here's the irony.

If the nice Carl can only be that way and finally rids of the alter-ego and feel so much freer, that Carl can then go on with life and find a partner who likes him for himself, and your sexual relationship with the right partner can be non-submissive, some fetishes that you currently feel.

What are you losing?

Your just ridding of that devil side, which has come about from having too much testosterone in accordance with your Doctors.

As for the 3 that have said it now, the only 2 that count are your Doctors, the other person is only a person with thoughts, not medically...

There were other options, but if they feel that medication is not strong enough they wouldn't be recommending this... You can pose that question again to them on Monday, "You mentioned medication", what would that do, but they may fear you won't take it, and you know they are probably right. Even if you remained in hospital to do so, what would you do when you got out?

Like any addiction, take a person away from the Pokies and send them somewhere where they're aren't any for a month, bring them back, rest assure they won't pass a pub but go in... same as alcoholics and drug addicts.. It's difficult to re-train your mind to I don't need to and continue being that new person. Same with a smoker, " i gave up for 4 years now I've started again" you hear it all the time.

Read what other's have written regarding what won't happen and re-read the google site i mentioned to you as well.

It's not as bad as you think, this is the "twin" side of you wanting to continue doing what your doing and more but the other side of Carl is nicer and will enjoy his life way much more trust me.



CW

[Guest]

Erm it still means, them removing both my balls, not easy choice tbh, yes serious carl talkin but still, no bollock......

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hey Carl, just dropping by to say i know Monday is not far away, i just re-read your very first post... 57 all together you've written wow, now a VIP member... You said there how you hurt there, that's another positive... that won't happen.

Keep your chin up...

CW

[Guest]

Theres alot i havnt posted on here, since my last visit to louise, they have talked about the castration is a must thing since my first visit to her, but they have also said about putting me on female hormone injections to keep my testrome down so that i cannot become sexualy turned on, the injection would be short term basic for now, but castration will be long term as u can guess, she as said if i agree i will be only on the register for 6months then took off, but i really dont class myself as a sex offender i admit things happend with nicole, but havin thoughts doesnt mean i will hurt anyone, as i know i would never do that as im to much of a wimp, but she said means i am classed as a offender and she thinks theres a high risk, she could goto court and get the permission to do this without my agreement, and if thats the case i would be on the register long term, so either way my balls will be removed although i dont want that, the female hormone freaks me out, as nightmare and yes this will sound , i might grow breasts or somethink lol, but theres alot i want to say here, especially to the poeple that gave me advice, but i will say that once i know whats going on when i goto the mental hospital monday, part of me wish i never made the move to get help bcua were things are now, but for now i will say bye.

carl

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hi Carl.

Well discuss this further with Louise on Monday. I suspect that because you can still get sexually arroused, from castration but no where near the quantity you talked initially about ie) 4 times a day, that she wants you to get used to feeling "normal", so the added hormones for a "short period" are also there to just assist in the process.

Doubt you'd grow breasts (lol) ....

Sounds like they have really thought things out in order to help you and ensure that you are not on a (list) for too long and that they can take you off.

It also sounds like when you talk to Louise, she tells you the short version and then explains it later to you which is good. She lets you know the good sides to things but off course, then has to go into the detail so that you understand, but once you have obsorbed the good parts for a while.

CW

[Guest]

Todays the day, i have to see Louise about them castrating me, and then being put on female hormone injections, and i dont want to go but ive goto, and im even more terrified then i was the first day i had to see her.

Carl

[damd]

Thats a bummer.

Maybe it's for the best, maybe it will help you with your problems.

Hang in there, I'm sure that there are plenty brighter days for you in the future.

[Guest]

Ok I went to hospital on Monday, (sorry its took a while to post) to see Louise and a Dr, were they went through the best way to deal with my current sexual problems, of enjoying young girls, exposing myself, masturbating in public, mommy issues, and a few others, when I was there and from what I told them (wish I wasn’t so honest now) they class me as a danger and last time I went Louise decided to put me on the sex offenders register as a paedophile as the sexual thoughts I’m having, but to be honest whets wrong with thoughts not as if I’m doing any think, although things did happen with Nicole but she was sort of willing, they went on to say I have very high sexual urges and I lose control when I’m turned on and my gets fully hard that it aches and I have erections nearly 24/7 and they class me as a high risk patient (which I think is ), with that they have decided the best forms of treatment to stop doing what I am are :-

1. Full Castration (a must).
2. Female hormone injections (6 month course).
3. Minor operation on my (so when I touch I have no sexual pleasure).
4. Therapy (as sex drive will be dead)

Louise and the Dr there have strongly recommend Castration, which they said will be done to lower the testrome in my body which are coursing my sexual urges and the main reason I become horny and hard, after I’ve been castrated they said I can still have hard on's and will still be able to cum, but I won’t get hard as much as I do now, plus I won’t cum as much but having no balls will mean I can’t get girls/women pregnant but they said that’s a good thing plus I won’t miss sex as I’m a virgin and I don’t currently have a boy friend or girl friend, but saying that they also want to give me a course of female hormone injections to further lower what testrome I will have after my balls are cut off, so then I can’t become sexually turned on, can’t get hard and then won’t be able to masturbate, they want to get me use to not being able to get pleasure sexually as when I do become sexually turned on, I lose control and don’t care what I’m doing as long as I get the pleasure (which I do admit it scares me when I’m like this), but its only for 6months and depending how I’m doing they will stop with the injections but the side effect from having the injections is my could become limp long term (which they say is a good thing) but she did go onto say if that does happen there is Viagra that "MAY" make me hard, she went on to say that if she sees that I’m still having problems after the 6months they would want to do a small operation on my to make it numb, so if I tried to stroke it I wouldn’t get any sexual pleasure at all, and I would only be able to pee but they would have to see after the 6month course of injections, but the Dr highly recommend removing my balls and doing the small op on my at the same time and not bothering with the injection but this would be long term and Louise sort of agreed with her, then I had to remove my trousers and get on this bed and put my feet in something’s to keep my legs open while the Dr examined my balls etc, before she started she said not to worry if I get hard but to tell her if I feel myself about to cum, (I went bright red) well she was feeling down there while asking me questions about how much I jerk off and do I cum every time and told her that sometimes although I’m hard I can’t cum sometimes but most of the time I can, by now I had a full blown hard on and will admit her feeling me was a turn on, I asked about my balls as 1 is allot bigger then the other and hangs down allot further she just said its quiet normal, they she examined my and again told me to tell her if I was going to cum, and she went on talking to Louise about numbing my and then it happened I started to cum and I didn’t tell them, Dr wasn’t happy that I didn’t tell her and Louise wasn’t happy but I really couldn’t help it and I just said sorry to them, once Dr had cleaned me up (was very embarrassed and guilty after) she finished examine me and was told to put trousers back on, then the Dr and Louise said I am going to have my balls removed which is a must to carm me down, but although they think I should have my made numb they will try the 6months female hormone injections and see how things go but if she seeing that injections hadn’t really worked then they will do the op on my , but here is the killer blow I have to decide for myself and if I’m honest and hand on my heart how can a guy decide to have his balls cut off etc I just can’t although didn’t tell them, but if I agreed to the treatment after the course of injection and there is a difference they mentioned I could have my name took off the sex offenders register, BUT now I’m classed as a "PAEDOPHILE" (still think is btw) and on the register both Louise and the Dr have powers were if they see me as a danger they can have me brought into the hospital were then I will be castrated and the op on my will be done plus name left on the register, she says they can do that by force without my say so, and have to admit scared the out of me and I’m very worried, but it’s my call but I will be fully castrated with my say so or without, now I don’t know what to do when I first posted on here it was about the problem of my exposing myself and masturbating and Cumming in public, and now because I’ve been so honest about what I’m doing my thoughts its now led to my balls being removed forever, and I really wish I didn’t go seeking help, and now I just don’t know what to do how can I decide on some think like balls cut off, now having bad thoughts means I still have my balls which I don’t like, but although I told them I won’t hurt anyone, they still say if I stay like I am I will rape somebody which I think is as I’m to much of a wimp to do that, but they say I’m out of control when I become horny and hard, so I don’t know what to do anymore and think I’ve said this above wish I didn’t go out there seeking help..........made a mistake I think !!!

Please help what I do now!

Carl.

Ps Sorry about the missing, or bad spelling but im terrfied more then ever now, and suppost to return the the hospital on Friday but i dont feel i will go back.

[maz33]

Carl

Please go back and finish what you've started. I've read your posts and I know you're scared but you know deep down that you're doing the right thing now to make sure you don't do the wrong thing in the future.

You say what's wrong with thoughts if you don't act on them... well the men who do go on to rape women and children started off with just thoughts, and probably thought they'd never act on them.

The professionals you speak of just want to do whatever necessary to stop you crossing that line. They can probably see, as we can, that you're a good man, a decent human being who is desperate not to turn into a 'monster'. That is why you sought help.

Please don't turn back now.

Think about how bad you feel when you act on your sexual urges, how you make your mum and other people feel, and fight the fear.

If nothing else, think about what someone (fire I think) said about prison- you don't want to go there!

Please be strong. We're all here to support you so you don't need to feel alone.

Good luck and keep us posted.