[CHANDLERS WISH]

At least your not thinking the opposite.

So, Life's good...

CW

[bluesapphire315]

Im still alittle confused about my first visit, i thought she might have asked about school and being abused but she didnt, and also what even done sexual trouble wise, but she never did she just delt with what im doing at min, she said next time i go she wants to deal with the pleasure side of things (not sure what that means), i will say i felt a right idiot as i broke down crying like a baby and just felt so pathetic, even when i post here especialy the women you must think im some right sado havin now control over myself when im horny etc, anyway i would have thought she would have asked about school, when i was younger and got introuble with police for exposing myself when i was 17 i think, but since then i havnt done a thing (trouble wise), untill these past 2 yrs, anyway think im ranting on so i will be quiet.

cheers
carl

The first visit was just to get the ball rolling, kinda like an icebreaker. If you are still feeling confused, don't forget that you can ask questions too. She'll start to dig deeper each visit most likely to help expose the problem. You feel pathetic and just want to cry. It must be hard living like the way that you do. I give you alot of credit for having the courage to seek help.

You acknowledge your problem and are seeking treatment, which is the first step of the recovery process. Does this make you proud of yourself?

This therapist that you are seeing now seems like you will be able to work with her better.

If you want to talk, just let me know!

[Guest]

Erm i dunno i know first visit was pure , but all she asked about is what happend with a ex friend of mine and how the exposing myself and masturbatin started and then telling people but mainly was about Di, she didnt ask about masturbation and flashing, she didnt talk about school and all the other sexual problems, but doesnt mean i was disapointed i go again on the 9th july, but although i hate myself so much im still doing what im doing telling people online or in real life, going out and exposing myself and masturbating becuase the kick of being caught is so overwhelming that although what happend with my firends 14yr old, im scared the age wont bother me anymore as long as im being seen and caught with a hard on and masturbating to orgasm, and i DO NOT want a young girl/boy seeing me but the kick is so high, and when i do expose myself and masturbate to orgasm you will never know how much i hate myself once ive done the deed.

bluesapphire315 you asked if i was prode of myself for seeking help and tbh no, cant believe i have a problem like this that could get in arrested i just feel pathetic, and you asked if id like to talk bluesapphire315 but im hear and im not sure if im being a pain to everyone (and btw im greatfull for all the comments people have made good or bad) funny thing is i have no one to talk to Di was a good freind buy i lost her ,so although i can talk to the doctor its not quiet the same, when i went for my first visit and it was over im sure she said next time i go she wants to deal with the pleasure side of things and i dont have a clue what that means, and i know like first time a week before i go i will have butterflies, be sick as im terrified, ive even thought if i was ever hospitalised would i be able to masturbate in there how sad.

I just know theres two sides of me when im horny, 1 when i touch my penis and masturbate there is no pleasure and when im masturbating i find it very hard to stay hard or even have an orgasm, id say although im hard when i touch my penis to masturbate i cannot have pleasure.

But the other side when im horny (which i hate) when i have pleasure in my penis i dont care who i hurt when i expose myself and masturbate untill i make myself cum, the kick and the pleasure is so overwhelming, and just want the women or guy to see me hard and masturbating untill i make myself cum, but once thats happend the guilt and hate i have for myself is painfull to the point if i had a gun you know, but once im honry again with pleasure its being seen etc i love and want to be caught more and more, but i know its adults i do it to mostly what if i dont care who it is and its a young girl or boy, and i wont care because the pleasure is so intence, but after the guilt and pain will be so intence it being young kids, i dont want that but when im horny all that goes out the window.

I dunno i post here and i hope i dont offend thats the last thing i ever want, i know maybe its not the place but i dont have anyone to talk to about this and besides both my shrinks which just isnt the same, again i am greatfull to everyone thats replied, but i am terrified of the future, as what if i want sex i cant do it with a hooker as loose erection and get turned on thinkin about firedsn or people i know ie my other shrink, tbh terrfied aint the word, anyway sorry about my long post everyone, and if you all think i shouldnt post here please just say.

cheers
carl

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hi Carl...

Good to see you here again.

I think if we were able to kick and it would reach you, we all would do so, for your apologies as they are not required. Hope you laughed!!!!

Talking here is different, it's like your own personal diary that you can write but at the same time, you get comments back in return that somewhat assists as you get closer to visiting the Doctors whom you share simular stories with...

I think it's a great avenue for you.

And, i know i for one, and reading many a post here, that all agree, we are glad that you feel comfortable to share and please, do not apologise any more, there is no need.

You mentioned Di... Was she the first girlfriend at school?

Can i ask if you are still on the Internet other than here, communicating with games etc and chatting differently as you were before?

Or, have you dropped that now ..... as that would be a great positive start for you.

CW

[Guest]

Hi Chandler

Tbh i cant help apologizing as scared of putting my foot in it and also scared of offending some girl or guy as thats not what im here for.

As for do i still go online to tell people im hard or horny or masturbating, i dont do it throough a game called world of warcraft as scared i will tell a young girl or boy (if i havnt already) but i mostly use yahoo and goto adult rooms or the masturbation rooms, but i get frustrated (sexualy) as there mostly bots and no real women, do admit to going to the gay rooms as get more guys watchin but saying that although its the pleasure carl i get embarrsed as been told my is small by both girls and guys but saying that when im getting pleasure i dont care and in away its a turn on especialy if its a girl saying im small, but yeah i mostly tell people on yahoo adult sites, i do want to be watched by women but dont know were to go to be watched online.

You asked about Di, shes a good friend or should i say she was, and shes the mother of the 14yr old, and it got out of hand so to speak with di, were she would allow me to masturbate while i talked to her online which was a major turn on as she would ask questions also, and she would allow me to masturbate in real life which was pure heaven, and led to her doing it to me but was a one off only thing, but although she was married and had to girls, i got sexualy addicted to her were i was telling her i was horny when i wasnt so i would get her go ahead to wank myself (as she called it), and admit i thought of her alot sexualy and still do now.

And i will admit i still talk to her daughter nicole who is now 17 and get sexualy turned on with her as shes like her mother asking things.

[Guest]

But i will also admit CW i do goto random chat rooms, and pm people that im hard and horny or want or am masturbating, especialy when im very horny, like i said when im horny and get pleasure when i touch my , i dont care and cant help myself but once ive done the deed like i say the guilt is so overwhelming untill im horny again and start again. :s

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Okay, so i see, sorry but this is me everyone knows that.

I see, Di made you feel a tad normal... Sort of special as apposed to what you went through as a teenager. I don't understand it as she was married, but it could be 1) because she felt she could help you or 2) it may have been an attraction to her and she wasn't having sexual intercourse.

What i guess i don't understand is why the 17 year old ( was 14) still communicates with you?

As for size, expect everyone to say WT? Not relevant where sex is concerned with a partner, which you have not experienced..

I am however not going to comment on the sites you go on, as obviously that will be one area you have to oliminate.

CW

[Guest]

I know im an idiot but what does WT mean.

I dunno me and di was very close meaning she would tell me about her life and stuff and we would be there for one another, and i told her what i was doing and she agreed to let me tell her when i was hrony etc online or in real life, but if she allowed me to do that i had to try and stop doing it to strangers in public before i got in trouble, so i did try but failed but di didnt know and i became hooked on telling her especialy exposing and masturbating infront of her was a major turn on, plus the other thing she did for me which was mind blowing.

As for Nicole thats kinda strange as didnt speak to her since being told by simon (di's chap) to stop coming and leave them alone so i did, a coulpe year later nicole msn'd me and she said her mother (Di) had told her why i had stopped coming to visit etc, and Nic started asking questions what i had done with Di and now shes asking if ive had a wank yet etc and i become horny and do the deed, she gets very sexual and i admit its a turn on.

As for size of my penis, im just saying what people tell me, but do admit sometimes i do struggle to masturbate because of it which is sad i guess.

As for sites CW i wasnt asking for soem address, but i know im getting very sexual and cant see how this is going to be stopped or be put under control, sometimes i think should i do somethink to get arrested i dunno.

just dont see the light at the end of the tunnel, part of me 80% wants to be normal, but the other 20% (horny carl which i hate) wants to carry on getting his kicks, think im just screwed tbh and it upsets me.

[Guest]

There is even a site called .............. which i used to use, but not so much anymore.

[Guest]

Just wanted to say, i am scared of upsetting or offending people on here, but i know this will sound wierd as i dont know any of you (i dont think) but i like to be honest with you all, but last thing i want is to upset women or guys on here, im not here for that and i 100% know im not here to ask you to watch me on cam etc, that i do not want, its just nice to post here but i worrie incase im a little to honest but cant see why i should lie, im 100% honest with both dr's but why tell them 50% of the problem, i need help i admit that and yes i feel like im some pervert which hurts but i feel i need to be 100% honest especialy with the shrinks.