[Stillness]

I like some of the suggestions and your determination to stick to your guns. Probably every person on this planet has some regrets. My guess is that a huge number of the regrets people have deal with romance and sex. We want to give ourselves to someone else, but we don't want to be taken advantage of. We want to express ourselves and let go, but we want to be respected. We're looking for someone to stimulate us intellectually, but a person that's no good for us smells, looks, or smiles at us a certain way and reason goes out the window. We don't want people that want us and long for someone we can't have. And for so many of us, there's an incessant drive that demands that we address it. It's a recipe for disaster.

I've done some things that haunt me still years later. Why was I so stupid? Like you, I'm determined that I won't do them again. I've learned from my mistakes. I'm a different person. I've grown. I'm not perfect, but no one is. That gives me some comfort.

[Magnetism]

True, stillness-our mistakes are our greatest lessons. I don't mean to put entire blame on the counselor. I did allow myself to take the advice and get wrapped up in the high of this person. I'm still in shock, but it will go away.....especially when I have a new beginning when moving. Now, I know not to do the same things again.

[Euphoric]

Mag,

You are beating yourself up too much. I encountered a situation that somewhat parallels your situation, but very different circumstances. My gut reaction was to do A, B, C,… The doctor's plan was M, N, O, P…. The gist of my situation involved my son's health. I was instructed to wait a couple of months and reassess. During that time, the issue progressed and at the time of reassessment, I was given a very discouraging prognosis. In short, I beat myself up pretty badly for not following my gut and getting a second opinion. The outcome thus far is a watch and see approach, but all indications are positive. The friends I've developed here on the forum offered tremendous support for which I'm very thankful. Point being, when you seek medical help, guidance, etc…we assume the professionals know what they are talking about. When the outcomes are positive, we think they are geniuses, but when they are wrong, we feel like they incompetent. In your case, the counselor was completely unethical and unorthodox. Nothing about her sounds professional, but that's because now you can look back and see how reckless she was with her advice. While we are in the middle of a situation/crisis, we can't clearly see and know what's going on because we are treading water to keep from drowning. Hind sight is 20/20, right? Because of this very bad experience with the counselor, moving forward you will assess the advice you are given and will respond based on what's best for you.

Based on some of our conversations that go waaaaay back, you know what you want, have set boundaries, have chosen not to settle because of outside pressure, etc. In other words, you know what you want and because it's not necessarily "traditional", you reach out to seek reassurance. There's nothing wrong with that, however, you need to trust your instincts more and follow your heart. That is the only way you are going to find true happiness and contentment.

((drum roll)) Quit assuming there is something wrong with you. Look at all the things that are right. You've set healthy boundaries and refuse to settle for less than you deserve. That further solidifies healthy self respect and esteem

Euphoric

[Magnetism]

Euphoric-Thanks for sharing. Yes, I know professionals are human. I'm human and make mistakes. Next time, I have to be careful to not let someone's words easily sway me. When I chose this therapist, I was very stressed and going through the "toxic friendships" that I made a thread about last year. I was at least happy to have someone to talk to and let me vent.


I'm feeling MUCH better today. I'm streaming with joy knowing that I'm not the woman that this man commits to. You can only imagine what that woman will have to endure, unless he changes.

I'm glad people on this forum are able to listen. Some of my "friends" here do get annoyed and think I ruminate. I'm the type that has to vent, process, be heard and then let go. I do believe that time truly heals. Once you have sex with a person, you don't just get over them right away. Some "friends" also say I need to unattach during sex, but isn't attachment and caring for the person you make love to the best part?

[jns]

Some "friends" also say I need to unattach during sex, but isn't attachment and caring for the person you make love to the best part?

Having sex with your love is absolutely the best part.

[Stillness]

Some "friends" also say I need to unattach during sex, but isn't attachment and caring for the person you make love to the best part?

"Associates?" "Acquaintances?" Are these the same "friends" who just want to have sex with you?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Euphoric-Thanks for sharing. Yes, I know professionals are human. I'm human and make mistakes. Next time, I have to be careful to not let someone's words easily sway me. When I chose this therapist, I was very stressed and going through the "toxic friendships" that I made a thread about last year. I was at least happy to have someone to talk to and let me vent.


I'm feeling MUCH better today. I'm streaming with joy knowing that I'm not the woman that this man commits to. You can only imagine what that woman will have to endure, unless he changes.

I'm glad people on this forum are able to listen. Some of my "friends" here do get annoyed and think I ruminate. I'm the type that has to vent, process, be heard and then let go. I do believe that time truly heals. Once you have sex with a person, you don't just get over them right away. Some "friends" also say I need to unattach during sex, but isn't attachment and caring for the person you make love to the best part?

What you showed him is you are not afraid to confront. And, good for you that was brilliant, most people would be too frightened to do that, especially in person. Strangely, I do believe that after he walked away, he thought about what you did, in confrontation his response and then his relationship with his girlfriend and how he actually made you feel. I imagine he is used to women that come onto him and do it with other men all the time, so he thought nothing of it. You just showed him you are all woman, you missed the goings on. He would have respect for that, most men would. Hopefully he feels like a pure *** now.

Some "people" think it's ok to cheat as long as they aren't married. I think he's one of those types of guys.

You want to follow your heart and think with your head. Do it. I remember waiting 18 months not too long ago and I did make D wait not too long but I made him wait, as same as you, I wanted him to want "me" for me so he had to get to know a bit about me "inside" for that to happen and there is nothing wrong with that.

Your friends are "ok" with sleeping with someone for the sake of it, or they themselves have been in this situation many a time and so, guard their heart.. Cheating is real and a lot of people experience it. But, you shouldn't let it rule your life, what ever has occurred in it, rather do what you are doing, see it as a lesson for you, one that you don't want to experience again, personal choice .

Yes, caring for the person and making love with them is the best part He's out the trust me.

[Magnetism]

"Associates?" "Acquaintances?" Are these the same "friends" who just want to have sex with you?

Yeah, one man (who knows me and the guy that I slept with) has made advances towards me. I've told him no numerous times. This man is ALSO in a committed relationship, which makes me want to stay the hell away. I consider him a casual friend, since I see him at community events. His "You need to unattach" comment might be because I'm not interested in him.

Another friend is bisexual and also has made advances. She has one partner after the other within a few months. I've repeatedly told her I'm waiting for the right person, and don't want to ruin our friendship. Having sex, and then being "just friends" isn't my thing. She says that she knows how to not get attached. She is now respectful and doesn't make advances anymore.

Everytime I ended an intimate relationship (whether it's a long-term relationship or a fling), it takes me awhile to fully get them out of my system.

[effy2014]

I'm glad people on this forum are able to listen. Some of my "friends" here do get annoyed and think I ruminate. I'm the type that has to vent, process, be heard and then let go. I do believe that time truly heals. Once you have sex with a person, you don't just get over them right away. Some "friends" also say I need to unattach during sex, but isn't attachment and caring for the person you make love to the best part?

Oh my goodness YES. While many people can disassociate sex from emotional attachment, I am not one of them. For me, intimacy is best when it's the natural progression of an underlying relationship. Ignore your friends' advice.

[Magnetism]

It seems like wanting the right partner to fall in love with is stigmatized , or maybe I'm with the wrong people. I'm an old fashioned romantic