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I feel so alone!

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  • It was.
    If he had divorced his wife and married you,
    then it would not be the typical Other Woman

    The typical is;

    Married man has affair with Other Woman.
    Married man does NOT divorce wife.
    Married man dumps Other Woman.

    You're lucky.
    I know of one affair that went on for twenty five
    years. Yup. He NEVER divorced his wife. He had
    children with her...(during those 25 years when
    he claimed the marriage was over.)
    When the Other Woman was fifty he dumped her,
    as he was having an affair with a 25 year old.
    He is STILL MARRIED to his wife.


    • I refuse to believe that...at least not yet.

      You can say all you want, but I refuse to believe that...yet. It wasn't typical, nothing about it was typical. Guys you have a "fling/affair" with don't come and clean your bathroom and spend time with your kids! A typical affair doesn't bring you to meet his extended family in another state and come over for holidays! A typical affair is just about sex and it was never just about sex. I will never just disapear out of his life for good no matter how much his family wants that. We have a child together and he WILL pay for her and spend time with her, he isn't the type of person to abandon his kids, maybe temporarily out of fear or confusion, but not permanently! There is no way anyone can convince me right now that he will actually repair his marriage and things will go back to "normal" for them without me! Even if they do stay together, I don't believe he can stay away from us for long. He loves us too much and we have too much fun being together. He has a lot of crap going on at his house other than this because of his kids/grandkids and other stuff so things were tough before the secret came out. I certainly don't blame him for being caught up in all of the chaos. I do worry about it taking too long, especially with our and their anniversary coming up, but she must be making his life a living hell and why would he put up with that and not come back to me? She doesn't lilke being with him, she just likes it cause it is safe and comfortable, he thinks the same thing. He doesn't want to make anybody mad or upset. Ironically it is making all of us crazy and nothing is getting solved right now. Hopefully soon he will call and I can see him and get a face to face answer on where I stand. I will not believe what his kids/wife says because they are just trying to control him right now and he is going along with it until they calm down so he doesn't rock the boat even more. If for some strange reason I am wrong, then I will get a face to face answer first because I will not walk away without it, especially if they plan on seeing my daughter! Call me overly optimistic, crazy, or plain old stupid, but this isn't just denial talking, it is coming straight from my heart and my sister totally agrees. She knows him and knows the situation and she thinks it will just take time for things to settle back down. I have had a horrible day and if I think bad things I will not last. I need to at least think a few happy thoughts since that is the only thing keeping me going. I know you think you have seen it all, but maybe you haven't. Maybe this is different. I sure hope it is, if not I will be crushed.


      • It is still possible.

        Just because as soon as he told her and he didn't divorce her doesn't mean it can't or won't happen. Like I said, it hasn't even been 2 weeks and there is a lot of other crap going on at his house besides this that he prob. feels obligated to stay for a while for. Even though a divorce wasn't the thing that was done doesn't mean their marriage will get any better and he will stay. It certainly doesn't mean he won't come back to me or leave her for me sometime soon either. Okay, I know you prob. just think I am in denial and am stupid, but I am just trying not to go crazy.


        • Signing Off

          I can see my posts are just upsetting you,
          so I won't respond to any more of yours.


          • Sorry.

            I didn't mean to make you go away. I am just trying stay a bit more positive. I know you are prob. very intelligent and know lots about these types of situations and I didn't mean to offend you if I did. I need to think happy thoughts at least for the time being. I have 4 kids that need me sane and thinking that this is over and that he has done such a horrible thing and it is permanent isn't exceptable right now. I know that it might be, but maybe it isn't over, when I told my husband I wanted a divorce and stuff, it didn't happen overnight and I felt bad when he was upset and it took me a while to finally decide enough was enough and it was over no matter how sad he was. Things like that can take time and people do need space and get confused about things when tons of stuff is going on. Maybe I am wrong, maybe I am right. I know that I just have to wait and see.


            • Drama28, I've skimmed over the enteries and sadly I know that pain you're feeling....we think if we just hold on long enough we'll get them back...and maybe you will....only something had stood out to me you said a typical affari doesn't introduce you to family so on and so forth and Yes they do. My father did it...my friend also had a child with a married man and he did it...my best friend at the moment is having an affair with a married man and he did too....I too had an affair and he did too. All you can do is follow your heart....but you need to know when to let go also. I'll pray for you to find happiness....bc the pain of love ending w/o a reason is the worst kind of pain.

              try and be strong


              • Straws

                I've been trying in every way I know,
                based on 25 years of familiarity with these
                kinds of situations, to no avail.

                If a man doesn't go for a divorce within
                two weeks of his first 'I Love You" he will
                NEVER divorce his wife.

                I don't know how to make that clearer.

                I don't know how to explain that every word
                out of an unfaithful husband is bound to be a

                The man proves he is a liar by having an affair.
                You don't need more than that.
                It is like catching a man stealing and he tells
                you he is honest.
                What do you believe?
                His words or his Actions?

                There is no sense in this thread.
                When he sits in that court room and
                ignores her, and when the affair is painted
                a cheap fling, and she hears all the nasty
                things he has to say about her...maybe...
                just maybe...she'll believe what we say.
                Then again, maybe she will assume his 'family'
                'Forced' him to say those things.


                • I do agree with that. The man I was with was married as was I and within 3 weeks after we said I LOVE YOU we both left. It didn't work out due to children and states away but if they dont leave.....it's bc they dont have to they have everything a cheater could want. His safe home and his exciting life with the younger amazing girl who gives him what he once had with his wife.

                  I think the fact that he couldn't even give you the respect to call you him self shows that he wont leave unless she makes him leave.

                  I'm sorry your heart hurts....Ironically I am still in love with my husband who left me after we reconciled and planned our second chlild...which came a month early and he feared at first that he wasn't his. So two months later he left me bc his trust for me was gone. 2 years later I still pay for the affair that I had....the grass isn't always greener on the other side.


                  • Trust is so important...probably the most important aspect...

                    A friend of mine and her man had a fight, broke up in March,
                    got back together in October and she became pregnant.

                    When they went to the doctor the doctor said she'd
                    have the baby end of May.

                    No, insisted the bf, that's impossible.

                    He called me and we worked out the 263 days, which
                    would bring the birth into July.

                    The next doctor they went to said the Baby would be
                    early June.

                    No. We didn't have sex until the end of October he
                    says, has to be July.

                    My friend is enormous...she looks like she's going to
                    explode. But no labour. No labour until July. She
                    had to have a Caesar...the baby was enormous...
                    her first child an incrediable ten pounds.

                    Not for one second did her boyfriend...who had
                    been apart from her from March until Early October
                    think that it was not his child.

                    Despite doctors telling him this baby would be
                    born in May..(meaning it would have been
                    conceived in August, when he and the mother
                    weren't speaking)...he knew the doctors were

                    He trusted her so much that he was certain
                    that she wouldn't, even though they had
                    broken up, dealt with anyone else.

                    Could you imagine if he didn't trust her?
                    And some doctor told him the baby had
                    to have been conceived in August?


                    • Waiting...for what, I have no clue.

                      I am glad to hear that someone else has a story to tell and a caring heart. I know that everyone thinks this is typical, and it might be. I just don't know. I will wait and see what happens next. Jumping to conclusions or assuming things will only make me more crazy. If I don't hear from him until court and things go ****ty like you think Kaylar, then I guess I will have my answer. If he contacts me sooner and says he is finally done with the crap and is leaving her to be with me, so be it. I know that it must be horrible to deal with people, all family, which whom none of them no longer trust you. But, what I can't understand is not contacting me to see his daughter who he has been very close to from day 1. Maybe it is easier right now to concentrate on the tornado in his house and then move on to the hurricane brewing here after since we don't live with him and our daughter is young and maybe he thinks that is how to deal with it one at a time. I have no clue. Maybe he is a typical jackass cheating husband who doesn't give a flying f- about me or his baby. I don't know what to think. I was also married when we got together and so I know that honesty is a big deal, hell, that is why I wanted him to take me out of the "closet" and tell his wife; because he wanted me to feel good about myself and be happy and know I was loved and important to him and I told him that I never could totally believe that if nobody but him even knew I exsisted! I needed to be on the "map" of his life to be on his priority list and it wasn't gonna happen while in my "closet" and I knew that. Maybe it was a bad move on my part, maybe the best thing I could have done. I just know that this sucks and is killing me! I hate myself and can't stand life at the moment. If I didn't have kids I wouldn't be here right now. They are the only thing keeping me somewhat sane and alive. Please don't write me off because I won't or can't believe you right now. I still need help and I don't know where to find it. I feel so alone. I have to go for now. Thanks again for your advice and prayers.



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