[kaylar]

Carly, your situation is very common.
The husband never had any intention to leave his wife.
Ever.
As you can see, he's still with her.
How many Other Women between then and now can
only be guessed.

[Drama28]

Drained.

I just don't know what to say. I just am so emotionally, physically, and mentally drained I can't function. I try so hard to imagine the worst but pray for the best. Sometimes it works and other times I just can't. Tinkerbell and my sister are the only 2 people in the world that are leaving me with a glimer of hope. I feel like the rest of the world has turned their back on me and is just saying that it is all textbook and will end like **** like every other affair so I should just suck it up and walk it off. I really can't do that right now. I can't think like that. I just want to crawl in a hole and die when I think that. I am trying to imagine the worst so I can deal with it, and I'm sure it will be easier since I have already delt with this, but for goodness sake people, isn't there any hope out there? Am I the only one who believes in possiblities out of the norm? I'm really glad to hear that at least in Carly's situation that things worked out at least for the child's sake and they are all friends and stuff. I just doubt that would happen in my situation, hell, she thinks I'm the devil, ya think she wants to be friends, hell, she doesn't even trust me enough that they don't want him and I even seeing each other to to the drop off/pick up situation if he gets visitation! WTF?!?! I just see either him saying FU, I just wanna pay you and pretend you never existed, but here let me see my kid. Or, him saying he is sorry and after the family gets over being hurt and they get mad once the DNA proves she is his, then he will come back because he will realize it is too painful to deal with his wife always being mad at him and knowing I am here still wanting him and have his baby here. Okay, those are 2 way different senarios, and anything could happen from 1 to the other or anywhere in between. I am going to have a hard enough week coming up that I can't even get past tomorrow. I just am wondering if he will even show up to the paternity test or reschedule because of the short notice. I just have to take it one minute at a time. Sometimes I can, and other times I feel like nobody cares and why not just quit while I'm behind. The funny thing is that since this situation evolved I have been online a lot more looking for people to talk to and get their opinions. I have 1 man I talk to that is in Iraq in the Marines that is like totally wanting to date me, 1 man in Kansas that wants to be my best friend, another in Washington that always is calling me hunny and baby and sexy, and a college friend from LA that offered me a plane ticket to come and visit him. The funny part about all of this is that I know I can find sex where ever I go...that is not what I want or need right now. I need someone to love me and someone that I can trust and who will hold me when I'm sad. I really thought I had that, and for the past 3 years I did. He was always there and I can't imagine not having that from him anymore! We were so good together, finishing each others sentances, loving to do the same things, ect. I can't let go of those good things unless I see the truth come out otherwise. Threats and guilt can make people do weird things under stress. When I do get to see/talk to him whenever that may be, things will go one way or the other. Like Kaylar's theories , then I will see the snake and know I was lied to the whole time, like my sister's theory he will appologize and see the light when she is done being sad and gets mad when there is no doubt that she is his and he has to pay money out of their bank account every month for her and spend time with her, he will know that it isn't what he wants and come back. I don't know what will happen next. I just know that one minute at a time is all I can take. Please keep the coments coming, but remember I don't want you to just tell me what I want to hear, but if you have negative things to tell me, please try to do it in a friendly way that doesn't make me wanna go jump off a bridge. I know everyone is trying to help and that we all have been in different situations and not everything always goes the same way so we need to take it one situation at a time like my one moment at a time. Thanks again for your help guys. Keep the coments coming, just please be gentle...I'm way too fragile right now.

[tinkerbell930]

Keep hanging on!

Drama, I am so worried about you. I can tell you are just hanging on by a string. It breaks my heart to hear the desperation you are feeling. It was really cool to hear from Carly. I am sure she felt so much of what you are feeling at the time she was going through her situation. The good thing is you can tell she has cycled through all that and is on the upside of life. It is true that every persons life is unique and outcomes are never the same as the next persons. I know you don't want to think of the worst case scenario, and there truly isn't a worst case for you. You are healthy, your kids are healthy and love you, you are young and have so much to live for. You deserve love and will have love. I think it is great that you are online telling your story and putting your feelings out there. It doesn't surprise me at all that you are getting offers from all over the place. You are right, sex is always readily available, and you are also right not to just go get some sex to help ease your pain. That is so smart. A lot of women wouldn't be that strong....it would almost be a revenge statement to Don. You can always feel proud that you didn't do that! Let all those men compliment you....compliments always help when you are feeling down. Moment by moment is just fine for you to work through. Don't let anyone tell you different. I don't like when people tell you what they would or wouldn't do in "your" situation. Nobody really knows until it happens to them. Those same people will have a situation come up soon after you ask them for advice and they seem to make horrible choices, or choices you wouldn't make, a friend never says I told you so, or you are so stupid for hanging in there...blah, blah, blah. I always say to follow your heart. You will hear me repeat that a million times. Your heart may not lead you down the best path, but until it is done feeling how it wants to feel, there is no sense in putting it through hell just because some friend said they KNOW exactly what will happen. It really does suck being out here in cyber space trying to help someone though. Ya just want to stop by that persons house and drag em' out (even if you have to take a box of kleenex with you) and go see a movie, go walk, go drink, laugh, cry, bad talk the guy, talk good about the guy, lend a shoulder, threaten bodily harm on him! Please just keep responding and telling us how you feel and what is going on. Keep talking to all those guys out there and getting compliments too....

[nicky2007]

hope your ok

ive been reading your posts and you dont know how much i wish i had the magic words to make it all better for you. ive never been in a situation like yours, but i can imagine that if you search deep down in your soul youll know the truth, it might not be the truth you want to hear, but it will be there somewhere. but i still think your in a state of shock about it all so when youll be able to see that truth god only knows, maybe am just soppy like that, but thats what i believe. really think a good girly holiday or even day/night out will cheer you up though,esoecially if you try and avoid the subject of your problems!

am really sorry i dont have any advice for you, but try and be strong, who knows what the future holds, i know thats easyer said then done, i just thought another friendly voice may make you feel a bit better.

hope things work out for you hun

[kaylar]

Analogy


Imagine you are going to buy a car.
A nice man named Johnny Smith hops up,
tells you all about his car. Tells you where
he lives, how long he had the car, where
he drove, and why he needs to sell it.

The price is good, and Johnny is putting
no pressure on you.

He shows you the papers, and takes you
for a drive around the block, and you like
the car, you like him, and you pay over your
life savings.

He gives you his phone number just in case
anything goes wrong, and you drive away,
quite happy with your bargain.

Two days later the police stop you and
arrest you for driving a stolen car.

Oh no you say happily, that's not true.
You tell them how you bought it from
Johnny, and show them the papers.

They keep insisting it is stolen, and you
dial the number Johnny gave you and
there is no answer.

You go downtown with the Police who
are convinced the car is stolen. But you
know you got it legally.

Johnny's phone keeps ringing without an
answer, tho.

You go home without the car, so sure the
police have made a mistake.

That is because, you, like the Other Woman
don't begin to know the truth.

You were never there when Johnny, (whose real
name is Robbie Robem) paid Ricky Ripoff to steal
the car from the parking garage.

You were never there when Ricky brought the
car to Robbie and was paid.

You weren't there when Freddie Forgey did
up the papers, nor saw how much Robbie paid
him.

You didn't even notice Sammy Slimeboy who
virtually arranged the meeting between you
and 'Johnny.'

All you know about anything is what 'Johnny'
told you.

You go to the address he gave you and find
Mr. & Mrs. Oldpeopleski, who have lived there
since just after WWII, never rented to anyone
and don't know anyone fitting Johnny Smith's
description.

The phone number that Johnny Smith gave you
was never assigned to anyone.

Yet, you try so hard to tell yourself that you
didn't give a con man your life's savings and
that you'll get back the car.

That is the position the Other Woman is in.

She has no guess what the Husband told the Wife.
Only what he tells her he told his wife.

Her entire 'reality' is a pure delusion, made up of
lies and tricks which, like Johnny Smith's ruse,
were done to simply get what he wanted.

Like you, the Other Woman sticks in the delusion
that she knows the 'truth'.

You are sure the car is legitimate. You are sure
it isn't stolen. You don't believe the police. Not
until the last moment, after you've made a complete
fool of yourself, do you begin to appreciate the papers
you hold so proudly are forgeries, and the pretty blue
car you bought is actually white and was duco'd by
Johnny's pal Danny to hide it that bit longer.

[carly212]

OMG!

Drama-

These posts are REAL! Many are just telling it like it is....Not saying your situations and outcomes have been similar....I wish you the best in this sitauation, but feel I must continuously remind you...you are better and stronger than any especailly this situation. Letz go....get ur mind right! Don't let this situation defeat you. Hold you head high...right now it is what it is..deal with today, not tommorow..for tomorrow will take care of itself. Continue to pray for him/his family and for yourself....guidance and strength. I know you do not want to hear that but put yourself in "that" family shoes. They are NOT the bad guys, "HE is." He created this situation and involved you. Wholeheartedly, you knew when you got into this situation what you were getting into (like I did), but hoped for the best because things were going so well. Well, at least I (we) thought. It is easier for me to say "forget about it and leave it alone", but I know it is not that easy. Be productive and stay busy at at times that way your mind IS ALWAYS OCCUPIED and never free to wander about "him". Use the post(s) as a learning tool and MOVE ON!

In his defense, I cannot say he is not feeling hurt, because I do not know him; hwr, since he has not contacted you I am begininng to wonder about his character. Based on age, he should be mature enough to at least give you the benefit or call you to inform you of what has been going on IF he cared or had any intention of leaving. There are many ways to handle situations and he has not dealt with this situation in an appropriate manner. "I" feel as though 'HE" was "NOT" good enough in the first place to have "YOU", but since you have given him the time he should feel priviledged. You are better than that... hold your head high. Good luck with everything and remember stay strong....YOUR KIDS NEED U!

[kaylar]

When one is doing group counselling the new woman
will always start off with; "My story is different," and
then proceed to tell the same story that the five other
members have told.

The giggles start and the others put in their little
bit, so where one might use some act the H. performed,
from spending the weekend building cabinets another
might use the fact he would suck her toes, or clean
the fridge.

And where one would point to the fact he took her
fishing with him, another would point to how he
spend a weekend with her in New York, or took
her to Disney Land.

It's always the same, tho' each Other Woman thinks,
until she hears the next story, that it is different.

Some women live in delusions for months, some for
years. Some believe in the fantasy man who used
to screw her, dismissing the sour faced guy who
sneers in Court.

"His family made him do it..."
"He's only doing it to fool them..."
"He'll come back to me..."

Usually, I play the 'bad cop', I'm the one who points
out the 'text book', and tells them all the ugly things
they don't want to hear.

They hate me, I'm the *****.
When they start to like me, we know we've made the
breakthrough.

I've known mistresses who have hung around through
the ups and downs for twenty years. One was an
on again off again for the first fifteen.

She's in her seventies now, still 'Miss', while he is
still with his wife.

She kept believing that he loved her until she was
fifty and he said he was going back to his wife but
instead hooked up with a twenty four year old.

[EllieM1124]

What are you thinking? A married man? You know he isn't going to leave his wife now or in the immediate future. Let him go. He obviously lied to you and to his wife. He has to learn to live without the best of two worlds. He will be alone in the end. Not you. But it will be lonely with him in your life now and it will be lonely if you stay with in the relationship. Is he worth it? I don't think so. But this is me. Good Luck to you.

[kaylar]

Delusions squared


Ellie, the Other Woman lives in a true fantasy land.
The delusions she grips are very difficult to dislodge.

No matter what you say, she will hark back a month,
a year to some 'nice' moment, which she will try to
use to confirm her delusion.

A man is married. He will NEVER belong to her. Not
unless he divorces his wife. And most Married men
having affairs NEVER do. Then NEVER do because
they would NEVER marry a woman who would sleep
with a Married man.

Married men have an almost infinite pool of women to
chose from. They know what to say and how to say
it, and enjoy fooling these women.

I've posted so many examples taken from the past
twenty five years,but it makes no diffence.

I've seen cases in which the Husband has abandoned
the other woman, made no contact for two months
then rang her up to meet him in some ghastly dump.

The O.W. raced there, had her wonderful moment,
swallowed his cum, and he left.

And there was no contact for another two months.

And she still didn't get it.

[tinkerbell930]

Hang in there Drama

Wow, I just read over the last posts...I wonder how you are feeling? I see you haven't responded to any of these. I don't think I would either. I am still out here praying for you. I know this week will be tough. If you want my email address I will give it to you.