[Guest]

Well the first thing I would do is to leave him alone.If I am not in the mood,really not in the mood, I would not like my wife nagging me about doing stuff.
Have you tried getting some sexy looking things to wear? Have you tried buying some toys? Maybe a change in hairstyle might do it. Maybe he is bored.
About being bored, this is only a suggestion. I might be totally wrong about that.
The toy store is a good place to go.Get a nice vibrator for yourself so you don't get frustrated.But you know what! If my wife is not and has not been in the mood, if she sees me doing it alone and being really excited, it almost instantaneously put her in the mood. You might just get him going by using your toy while he sees you. I know if I saw my wife putting something in her and I happen to see her doing it, I would be on her faster than a ... well I would be on her quickly!!

[WildChild]

There are 30 pages to this thread so I can't blame you for not having read it all but he doesn't want her to masterbate, doesn't want to see it, hear it or feel it. He's been out of work quite a long while and she doesn't work - so there is no buying any non essentials. He is using sex a control tool and has some serious hygiene issues as well as some real behavior problems. They haven't been married very long, he lived with his mum all his life before that and in general she just needs to get out!

[cassie66]

it makes no diff if i dress up or not he doesnt like toys look at it from my point of veiw, ive been married 7 months i have a high sex drive he never wants to know i feel negleted and unwanted, i need to be touched but he wnt or cant because of issues

[Guest]

There are 30 pages to this thread so I can't blame you for not having read it all but he doesn't want her to masterbate, doesn't want to see it, hear it or feel it. He's been out of work quite a long while and she doesn't work - so there is no buying any non essentials. He is using sex a control tool and has some serious hygiene issues as well as some real behavior problems. They haven't been married very long, he lived with his mum all his life before that and in general she just needs to get out!

OK I may have the answer. In my first marriage, there was a time that I couldn't provide which is why my fist wife left me. But when I couldn't provide, I felt like a complete failure and felt I was not worthy enough to have sex with my ex wife.

[cassie66]

it would be great if you could find an answer and the reason why he lived with his mum all his life until he met me and his only long term relatiuoship was with a woman who refused him sex

i really dnt know why he wnt touch me he just says its disgusting
i wouldnt leave someone beacuse they couldnt provide it would be beacuse the love and trust had gone

so what would you suggest i do? the more i go on aboiut sex the more he says im pressurising him etc but im lonely and in need of intimacy

[Guest]

He may have been very dependent on his mom. I was that way until I was about 32 and it affected my self-esteem. Here is something you can try. Try telling him that he is the greatest husband in the world.Hold his hand and tell him that you will be there for him and there is no hurry for him to get a job and well generally make him feel like a king. That is what my present wife did for me when I wasn't doing well financially and emotionally and she actually kept me going. She kept me from being discouraged and she always supported me in every circumstance we were ever in. I bet he has a lot on him right now so try to relieve the pressure by boosting his self-esteem. It is up to you to figure out how to do that. But forget about sex just for a bit and don't ask for
any. See if building his self esteem will do the trick!

[cassie66]

he went back to work today after 3 months off
its the bills we are struggling with

he is just pushing me away and acting so wrong its like he doesnt know how to be in a relationship
his mum did everything for him

i just cannor cope with the lack of sex, his refusal to even try to touch me and his constant controlling, stubborn sulky mood swings any longer
ive shed so many tears and the fact im expected to pay for everything

[Guest]

Well the fact that he was dependent on his mom is good because we seem to be going down the right track. I know that he is definitely extremely stressed out because he is used to his mom taking care of everything. Be patient and do what I said about building his self esteem up. You may want to google that question. I know that my wife sits beside me and looks in my eyes and says everything is going to be ok when I get stressed out. We also pray and trust God.But you have to support him like this especially now that he has started a new job.You might tell him that you are very proud of him going back to work and no matter what happens with your finances and the new job you will be with him and beside him.You might tell him that you will be with him through all the problems you might face.I think you should be holding his had when you say these things. You may want to *look him in the eyes* and say that everything is going to be ok and that he is doing a good job with your problems and you think he is wonderful.
You may also want to pray to God
I really see him snapping out of this real soon. Maybe when he gets confident
with his new job.

[cassie66]

its not a new job, he s been there 10 yrs just been off 3 months with a bad back

he is very distant and always preoccupied ands always on the pc
he gets frequently moody and not of this is my fault

[WildChild]

[QUOTE=The_Average_Man;81666]Well the fact that he was dependent on his mom is good because we seem to be going down the right track. I know that he is definitely extremely stressed out because he is used to his mom taking care of everything. Be patient and do what I said about building his self esteem up. You may want to google that question. I know that my wife sits beside me and looks in my eyes and says everything is going to be ok when I get stressed out. We also pray and trust God.But you have to support him like this especially now that he has started a new job.You might tell him that you are very proud of him going back to work and no matter what happens with your finances and the new job you will be with him and beside him.You might tell him that you will be with him through all the problems you might face.I think you should be holding his had when you say these things. You may want to *look him in the eyes* and say that everything is going to be ok and that he is doing a good job with your problems and you think he is wonderful. QUOTE]

With all due respect, I think you need to read the entire thread! No one in their right mind would tell this man he's a great husband - even he isn't so far gone that he would believe it - he's not daft, just a jerk. His mother depedency probably needs a professional to deal with and mum doesn't want him around either now. He is jealous and resentful of her kids, won't bathe, won't touch his wife, give her hug... nothing. He needs to understand that his behavior is not acceptable.