[Guest]

[QUOTE=WildChild;81679]

Well the fact that he was dependent on his mom is good because we seem to be going down the right track. I know that he is definitely extremely stressed out because he is used to his mom taking care of everything. Be patient and do what I said about building his self esteem up. You may want to google that question. I know that my wife sits beside me and looks in my eyes and says everything is going to be ok when I get stressed out. We also pray and trust God.But you have to support him like this especially now that he has started a new job.You might tell him that you are very proud of him going back to work and no matter what happens with your finances and the new job you will be with him and beside him.You might tell him that you will be with him through all the problems you might face.I think you should be holding his had when you say these things. You may want to *look him in the eyes* and say that everything is going to be ok and that he is doing a good job with your problems and you think he is wonderful. QUOTE]

With all due respect, I think you need to read the entire thread! No one in their right mind would tell this man he's a great husband - even he isn't so far gone that he would believe it - he's not daft, just a jerk. His mother depedency probably needs a professional to deal with and mum doesn't want him around either now. He is jealous and resentful of her kids, won't bathe, won't touch his wife, give her hug... nothing. He needs to understand that his behavior is not acceptable.

Yup and she could probably cure all those problems by listening to what I told her to do. When a guy thinks he's worthless, he acts accordingly.

[cassie66]

my hubby has just text me saying he is upset and that work is doing him for been sick and given him a file note whatever that means i hope they dnt send him home or tell him to have more time off we will lose this house if he is off work agian now im worried

it means he s gunna be in a bad mood i think not sure what time he will be back

[cassie66]

his hygeine has got worse been weeks since he had a shower. and his hair is so greasy you can fry an egg in it im stressed

[sallyskellington]

how often do you talk about or bring up the topic of sex with him? I know personally if my husband says word one about it then I don't wanna be bothered.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Cassieeeee...

Good morning, the first person I spoke to before I slept and the one when I woke haha.

I will check out his photo.

You know what I think, 300 odd posts on your thread later... I imagine as I stated that he sees a woman as a cleaner, cook, Mother.. He doesn't know what intimacy is and only "takes" never gives or wants to try..

You are going to have to let that side go unforutnately and use plan (b) that he doesn't allow you to use, when he is at work, until you can walk away from all this and find someone whom loves you for your all.

You know when that time happens your not going to know what to do with yourself you know that don't you.

CW

[cassie66]

im afraid id bring jup the subject of sex 24/7 only cos i was feeling negleted

cw
good evening

yes i will use plan b i know its scary
i hope he goes to work tomorrow in his text he says his back hurts

[Guest]

his hygeine has got worse been weeks since he had a shower. and his hair is so greasy you can fry an egg in it im stressed

Depression. Get help.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

im afraid id bring jup the subject of sex 24/7 only cos i was feeling negleted

cw
good evening

yes i will use plan b i know its scary
i hope he goes to work tomorrow in his text he says his back hurts

Yes, I know... (good evening back)... but also by not bringing it up, your not going to get those comments of "it's dirty", "you smell", "oral is grose", etc which is worse I think than feeling neglected, it's degrading...

Plan b sounds good for now.....

CW

[Guest]

I still haven't read the whole thread but your husband's emotional reactions seem to be like mine."not my actions thought"
I was very dependent on my mother all my life.When I got married to my first wife,the stress was really too much for me to handle. I got major depression and agoraphobia. I was afraid to even leave the house. This is because there no one encouraging me. My ex wife was emotionally dependent on me. She was looking for security in me, and I was looking for security in her.One time when the stress went up too high, I went into the depression with the phobias.
Now, I still have the depression for 20 years in my current marriage, and a little bit of the phobia is there on days. But the big difference in my current marriage is that my wife encourages me and it helps keep my self-esteem up.
I also know that when problems do happen, she will be there encouraging me again. I know that no matter what the problem might be, she will alway be there to encourage me and to keep me fighting.
I think your husband is somewhat like me but he is acting out bad behavior because you have financial problems and there is no one in your house assuring him, encouraging him, and now his depression is so bad that he doesn't even take showers anymore.There still may be time but you have to be able to gain enough strength to start saying that things will be ok and we will figure something out if we lose the house. I feel you will see some sort of
change even on the first day. But you must look him in the eyes and say"everything is going to be ok" and if we have trouble, that's ok because we can get through anything together and I will help you do it.
Unlike my first marriage, my current wife makes sure that I am always encouraged. See what happens if you do the same.

[cassie66]

i will take your words mr average man into consideration

cw
sorry couldnt get back sooner net was cut of due to hubby not paying the bill he had to put it on his c card

i will stick with plan b

hubby got home late last night and was saying his back knee and ankle hurt bad and had an headache he said the same this morning
he said someone at work thought he would be off 2 more months he cant or we d be on the streets