[cassie66]

i got 24k from divorce and i spent a little to move from ex house to last house b4 i met current hubby it was cost of moving, a van, bond deposit a desk top ,laptop and sofabed plus i took the kids to benidorm for a week
so when i met current hubby i had approx 20k

6k went on honeymoon/wedding 1k spending money 2k at furniture store a fair bit on his 4 fish tanks and fish he chipped in small amount
i help pay him some money to lower his overdraft as well oh and his 400 pound glasses he never wears

i have 2, 700 left which he still is after he wthinks i have 1k his memory
i keep an eye on his a ccount cos if he goes overdrawn he l want be to pay charges

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I have no debts why should i pay his? yes he will half his c card debt soon he l still be left eith over 5k on it and still have a 10 loan which is 167 a month

exactly... Cassie, what you have seen, shown, is that you get it but also that you feel that you have to continue in order to survive.

I need to tell you... His Mother paid for it all before, think about it, how old is he? And you have only been with him for how long 18 months,? You are way being used by him and by her... think about it.

So far you are getting sympathy, support but not all answers... Some...

What you are doing is listening wanting to know each move and moving with those suggestions.

What we need to do is find a way to get you out of there now.

He can NOT pay his debt of in May to the amount of $5k... He can not...

You can not keep going much longer with this, whilst you have a plan it's good and it is a good plan but you need to say no to all but you can't you want to you now see him, truly for who he is...

What can we do , what can you do more importantly, forget the debts, you've forgotten the sex, that's second now, now it's the debts, what can you do to walk, what is around that you can google and get out?

Where can you go now?

Without it being under your name, what lawyer advice can you get free?

It's time to find...

It's time to get.

CW

[cassie66]

he said he will def pay the 5k he gets to half his debt no way am i paying th rest with my child credits.
at his mums he just paid her 250 a month and his debts of course
im thinking of my kids as eldest is weeks away from final a level exams in pyscology i cannot move them i want minimum disruption in their life im prepared to suffer a little longer in order for them to pass exams
there have enougfh dsiruption when i left there dad and then moved them here
rental places are expensive and doubt i could afford it alone id need more state help for single mothers
at the mo im getting more money from ex/state than id get from a part time job. id have to find a very well paid job to get rid of state help and if you work so many hours they take it off you anyway
i will not pay rest of his debts i l find a good answer even if it means i tell him the child money has been cut in half ive decided he s having NO MORE
i will keep looking fotr work etc iu can put my name down for a council house not sure how long the waiiting list is.
i can go to the law centre in town for free advice and the citizens advice beareau they can tell me my rights and advise me
99% of stuff in this home is mine anyway and so is the deposit id get back contracxt on this place runs out in aug if you want to stay on you renew for another year so i guess i coiuld try and do something for around the time contact runs out
without me hed ahve to go aback to mums now she is married doubt she d help him out much
the contract on this rental is in both our names so is gas, electric council tax and water phone bill is in his name and is sky tv

[CHANDLERS WISH]

can go to the law centre in town for free advice and the citizens advice beareau they can tell me my rights and advise me

Then go..

K, we are in April August is not far huh.

And,he knows what will happen and you need to send him then back home in August.. and speak to legal and put your name down and get by August......


A small price to pay, 4 months so now get on that phone and find out what you can do and promise.

CW

[cassie66]

ok i l make an appointment for the law centre and ring up council explain situation put name on list and say by aug id be homeless as cannot afford this home i l have to hope they l rehouse me
now all i need to do is put him off when he ask s me for money which i think will be to pay simons bill then rest of his debts

[cassie66]

then it would be the matter of finding a removal firm i cannot afford one thats if the council can rehouse me i have heard from some people once you are in private rental which i am its so much harder to get A council house id need to give emergency reasons and if you make your self homelss all you get is a hostel i cannot do that to my kids if i dnt move far kids can stay at this school last thing id want to do is move them from this school as there all in middle of exams any upset may make them fail
there are some pretty rough council estates too

[cassie66]

well hubbys got paid i checked at local atm he has only got paid 1,108 and rent has gone out he is already 930 od i worked it out to 882 so that means he has had something else come out he didnt tell me about and had occurred some bank charges so that means when we go to town today and he gets a mini statement he will hit the roof and blame me i know he will be svreaming its my fault and say i have to pay the charges
help me out here please what can i say/do i dnt want to pay everytime he goes over the overdraft limit i cannot use my savings account becausae im have changed it and he doesnt know h el be ranting and raving saying i have to pay well i cant i have to save to pay gas bill he l be in bad mood too as he on early shift so tired makes him ratty
what can i say when he checks his account?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Stand tall. And say to him so? What else came out? Nothing to do with me, it's your account, go to the check out and ask, and don't diss me when it's nothing to do with me.

Okay, I know he will be in a bad mood and take it out on you, and you can't cope with the continual "emotional abuse" just say, I can only pay what ever it is you can pay and then say " quit it, you know where we are at, I can only do what I can do,"


Cassie, you have to "stop" being worried about his "childish ways" and stand on your own, you have to say "you know I am doing what I can, quit being a jerk" Until you can speak your mind and STOP walking on egg shells and be scared, he will continue talking to you like shirt. Will he not? He has control

DOES HE? Not since you've been here, slowly but surely.

And, I appreciate the change of school bit, so well done for checking now check what you can do in this whereby your kids stay in the same school.

We are only at the beginning but wow what a beginning your doing so good, well done.

CW

[cassie66]

i know its silly to fell scared of my hubby but i can almost hear him now shouting at me you have took something out etc i dnt need him constantly shouting at me when things dnt go his way
i do know simon the mechanic is coming sat to finish his car we cant pay him.

he told me all the amounts that was coming out of his account so i added it uop and dedcuted the rent so he should have been 882 od not 930 so 38 pound has come out from somewhere i know its not my fault but he will say it is i just dnt know what to say other than its not my fault and its not my fault other monies came out i didnt know of he l still blame me
im trying to save to pay gas bill

i ahve an appointment at law centre monday i l ask about my rights etc

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Ah Cass........

It's not silly to be scared, you do know that I walked on egg shells for 4 years, whilst being emotionally abused myself? But I also was very strong which is what I am trying to teach you.

I refused to let some idiot condition my mind and blame me when he continually bought cars, "toys" and forgot what he spent on himself and then the Gas bill came in, or ETSA and he had no money.

You think that I am only answering because I am CW?

Or maybe I have jumped a stupid mistake myself and learn't from that, that we can marry thinking that we have found a "match" only to find that in my instance, they were abused, used before and therefore can't accept a real person in their life?

I made a "huge mistake" one that I am sorting even to today financially but one that made me know and realise exactly what I want out of life and it made me find me, the inner person, as much as this place did.

And as such, I 1) don't walk on egg shells anymore, 2) I know who I am, 3) I have one up on you perhaps, cause I was always strong and always knew who I was and never let anyone totally ruin me, rather, new when enough was enough but, I speak the truth with you, you need to truly say WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT< it's your account get a grip on it.

You need to STAND on your own..

Ok.

CW