[CHANDLERS WISH]

You would smell like soap and warmth... relax... get that part out of your head, he's put it in there and it doesn't exist ok..

Good for you Cassie, you finally stood your ground over something, it's a start isn't it, kind of felt good whilst at the same time, anger and hurt made you want to cry and also good for you, for hiding those feelings from your kids....

Keep fighting to be you, keep fighting for you, and your kids, and eventually it will all come into place and you will be able to move on..

CW

[cassie66]

thanks

wedidt goin the end ashis mum cancelleddint feel like a victory

he scomplaining about a soreback leg and foot
im so tired

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well, there will be other times.

Time to ignore him Cassie and his constant winges, man, I have had back pain and I didn't winge just strengthened it and go on with things.

Start to just walk away when he starts so he doesn't get to finish the sentence in front of you.

If he's at the computer, you go put your feet up on the lounge and read a book, if he's on the lounge go to the computer and talk with friends, or the phone, but in another room...

Just start ignoring his rants.....

CW

[Rockie54]

Me too!

I have been married 11 years, and we have been together 15 years. My husband is not interested in sex at all. He says that he is unhappy with his weight, has high blood pressure, etc, etc. I have a hard time not feeling like it is me. If some young cute thing were in my place, would he have the same problem? Then there is me. I am 38 and suddenly all I can think and dream about is sex. I think I have entered my sexual prime. This is a horrible situation to be in - it's not like I can go get my sex elsewhere. My self-esteem is ruined and depression is setting in. I am at a loss!

[rcoreyus]

Cassie: There are almost 200 posts in this thread, a lot of people here care and are worried about you. (There is a strange powerless feeling knowing that somewhere out there is a person in trouble - but that you can't know who they are, can't help in person). But as things are, only you can solve this.

What I've seen from these posts is:

Your husband is in pain. I believe that - but he is not in so much pain that he can't use the computer or drive if he wants to. He could hold a job (a lot of employers are reasonable about letting people change their jobs a bit to deal with injuries). I believe he is using his pain to control you and others. "Oh woe is me - if you don't do what I want you will be HURTING ME". This is a common but cowardly way to control people - using their love against them.

He keeps track of you, wants to see what you are buying etc. A common abusive behavior.

He wants your family's money - and may only be staying with you until he gets it.

He won't have sex with you. I know you brought this up first - but while I think it is important, it isn't the worst thing I've heard about him. My wife will rarely have sex with me, but she loves me and is good to me in other ways - so I can live without sex. But - it is a sign that he doesn't care about you.

What is much worse I think is that he won't have sex with you, but becomes angry if you please yourself. He has not right, none at all to do this. If he won't satisfy you, he should be happy that all you are doing is pleasuring yourself, not finding another man. I'm happy when I find my wife is pleasing herself - and in our case she is the one who is rarely willing to sleep with me!

He insults you, belittles you "you smell", "you are stupid", etc. etc. Now a word said in anger happens sometimes even in good marriages (but it should be very rare). This sounds completely inappropriate. How can he say such things if he loves you??

Please, please, please get out of this marriage. Is there anywhere you can go for a little while - parents, friends, anything? I've thought about you a lot (I haven't had internet for a couple of days), and it sounds so terrible. Don't let this man ruin your and your children's lives.

[cassie66]

thenks rcoreyus i am listening nothing is as easy asit sounds though.he does say he isin pain,it seem to be worse at bedtime or if we go out. yeshe can drive he spnds along time on the net. iman only chld and have no freinds,my mu diedin 2000aand my dadis ill and81 yrs old and lives 19 miles away. i have to rely on hubby to take me.
the no sex does make me feel rejected, ive told him this and that i feel unwantedhe says dont be stupid you are wanted.
im trying to think of ways out of this, the schoolis next door to us one dau

ghter is doing a levels another gcses and another will be later this year,im trying to keeps thigs normal for them hubby knows once kids finsish school i l no longer get child maintenece and wed have to move as we could tafford the rent he aslo knows if the 15yrsdoesnt pass exams into senior year lie her elder sister we l also lose money and still have to move he keeps puttng on prressure to her saying she must pass etc or get a job.

he spoke to his bosses about a specialchair for hisback and maybe work from home hubby said they said no.

rockie54
its a horrid feeling andi know what your going through
my hubby isnt overwieght etche s a walking skeleten if anythng im also in my sexual prime and have needs its so hard but i cannotforce him to do it, makes him angry

cw im so glad your my freind
i will do my best to ignore him/walk away when he has a rant. he only seems to be horrid at times whe im trying to something for me/or what id like he likes him own way a lot.
he is awake i left him in bed, this is the onlytime i have alone at the mo and its not enough
i do have some nice books its along time since i listened to music, as he says he doesnt like my taste in music and tells me to switch that rubbish off!
everytime say my dad rings me etc or anyone else he says did u tell them how much pain im in!

i have enough stress at the mo my ex hubby is always out to causs trouble too he is still bitter after all thi s time
i just wish i coul be left alone

[308dulce17]

i am in a similar situation

I came around this site because I could not sleep, still awake. I feel he only looks for me when he needs it every week or so. but if I approach him, just does not happen,

[cassie66]

i know the feeling

[cassie66]

another stange phobia my hubby has is if we go anywhere say the bank to pay a biill or for a meal etc he refusesto go up to the counter and order says u do it i dont like speaking to people like his doc s appointments i have to make them on the phone for him he wont and when he goes docs i have to go with hiim and book him inhe say u do it he never speaks to anyone i always have to be the first point of contact anywhere

[308dulce17]

i just dont get it

i have never been like this w him before. even thou am tired i try