[WildChild]

What do you suppose would happen at school if a boy (or more analagous - a male teacher)was caught chasing girls, smacking their rears, saying I know you want it or making comments about their "fried eggs"? I don't know about there but here it could warrent a suspension for a student depending on the circumstances. Very possibly loss of job, jail and a place on the sexual predators list for a teacher.

It is UNACCEPTABLE behavior. As a step parent, as an adult living in the same household with your daughters, your husband is in a position of trust. His behavior shows at best very poor judgement. This is one more reason to get out as soon as you can.

This is a touchy thing because if you were to report him and your ex got hold of the info he could possibly take the girls. You don't feel there is anything inappropriate actually happening but you need to stay very aware and keep them protected. This man obviously has no real sense of what is or isn't acceptable.

[Hopeless Dork]

Cassie have you talked to your daughters about how they feel about what he says? I beg you to do so. Please ask them about how THEY feel about it, you don't think its a big deal, you seem to think because he asks like a kid that its fine - its not fine. He ISN'T a kid.. and hearing junk like that from a man that supposed to be a father figure - for a teenage girl : ugh... could be more damaging than you think.

I beg you to talk to them about it because if he says something that completely innapropriate in front of you - one has to wonder what he says behind your back. He isn't interested in sex with you , you have mentioned and that is where this thread began. So him making sexually suggestive comments to them - it just seems very... not good.

[jss2000]

Hi Cassie,
Been away from the post for awhile... glad to hear you are taking steps to secure your finances. As are others, I'm concerned about your children's safety. Your husband's sexually suggestive actions toward you are out of line. Doing that to your children is horrendous and possibly illegal--child abuse.
See below for a (United States) legal definition of child sexual abuse:

"The employment, use, persuasion, inducement, enticement, or coercion of any child to engage in, or assist any other person to engage in, any sexually explicit conduct or simulation of such conduct for the purpose of producing a visual depiction of such conduct; or
The rape, and in cases of caretaker or interfamilial relationships, statutory rape, molestation, prostitution, or other form of sexual exploitation of children, or incest with children"2

His behavior is also a textbook example of sexual harrassment (inappropriate touching and sexually suggestive comments that are "evidently unwelcome").

The fact that he is "joking" only blurs the line between socially/sexually inappropriate behavior and prosecutable child abuse; it doesn't erase it.

Despite his immaturity, he is legally obligated to either fulfill his role as a parent, or lose parental rights. That's basically how it's worded in US criminal law--personal characteristics (e.g., temper, drug abuse, mental impairment) do not remove a parent's responsibility to protect the children. If he can't keep his step-kids safe from his sexually inappropriate behavior, then... he has given up his rights to be their parent and live in the same home with them.

As have others, I say talk with your kids and help them process what has been happening. You needto assure them that you will protect them and will not let this happen again. Then you tell him that he will never touch your daughters sexually (slapping their buttocks is sexual)--and he will never make sexually suggestive comments to them again. And you tell him that you are calling the child protective services and local law enforcement just to make sure this problem gets resolved. He'll protest, and when he does, you just tell him to cool down--it's not about him. You're doing this for your kids--you're committed to keeping them safe.

You need to get on the radar of these agencies. I can understand if you are worried about how he'll respond if and when they stop by to investigate. It may be better to call them first and ask for advice--tell them if you are worried he'll physically hurt you or the kids. They should know how to proceed--they've worked with lots of families in difficult situations.

Also, someone mentioned earlier the threat of your ex- getting custody if you report these problems? While I agree that this is a possibility, it seems remote. If your ex- is as bad as you say he is, then I don't see why a judge would increase his custody rights.

Get help.

What do others think?

[cassie66]

hi all i hear if i thought for one minute him was erious when i acts silly around my kids i would have done something about it. yeah he says stupid sexual remarks and sticks his tongue out at them but its all done in such a childish manner you d never think him serious
i will talk to girls. he s only ever done it in front of me just to wind us up
another thing everytime my eldest goes out or stays over at mates him says she is shagging and has said that to her. she just says go away you pervert but its all said in a jokingly way never serious

as for ex hubby he d never go after them he dnt care a less he just after upsetting me as he is still bitter i will be careful and watch

him was moaning last night when he came back from work,saying he needs a back shoulder massage and his feet hurt, i said what about me, you never give me a massage he replied you never ask so i said ok then give me a massage and he said my need is greater than yours! then he said its all about you dear isnt it your selfish here i am working hard to provide for you and all you can do is moan and complain on that note he turned over.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hey Cassie,

So, did you check again with the banks about them having your pin number delivered to them to collect?

You do need to check with your daughters, I mean they are calling him a pervert but I don't think that they laugh at him, with him when they say that do they. You may think it's silly but they may need your support in putting a stop to it, you need to see how sometimes words can play a part in our lives, well you know that based on what he says to you.

How about giving us a daily run down on where you tried to get work, or what your thinking about that, or help with resume or what to wear for an interview that kind of stuff.

Cause we already feel that this guy is a ... and consequently, we already know the rubbish he is dishing out at you daily...

But, off course, tell us that too cause it's good to vent sweet.

CW

[cassie66]

my bank details came in this mornings post him opened it but i managed to put him off and said it was junk he believed me.
him got a letter from bank about his work shares they have matured so all he has to do he present it to the bank on or after 1st may and he will get just under 5k so he is in good mood
he said he will pay off some off his c card with it. it wont go very far he owes 11k on a halifax visa same amount on a car loan and 2,5k on another card no way am i paying the rest!
he s unshaven as usual he gave youngest a lift to town, only cos he happens to be going that way otherwise he wouldnt
eldest still in bed middle daughter gone to school for extra exam help

i will talk to them
yesterday i walked along my road lots of cafes/takeaways shops etc i asked in a few for word but so far no luck

[WildChild]

He opens mail addressed to you?

[cassie66]

he has done yeah

[WildChild]

Need to get that Post Office Box!

[cassie66]

will do asap