[Explorer44]

I am thinking that over the long term, having mismatched drives can be devastating. Oh perhaps one could 'tough it out', or something, but emotionally it would take a toll...

It is one thing to know that a person perhaps cannot be intimate (illness/disability, etc). It is another matter entirely to know that the person is perfectly capable yet uninterested..and over time, that internal knowledge of real or perceived rejection can be quite poisonous to one's mental health.

[StillLearnin]

Mismatched sex drives CAN and eventually WILL destroy a relationship, unless you are proactive and try to address it as early as possible. DON'T PUT OFF DEALING WITH THE ISSUE!! Ignoring it will just make matters worse. Address the problem early (hopefully before kids get involved). If adjustments and compromises can't be made early on in the relationship, that person isn't for you, even though you love each other dearly. There is more to a relationship that just love. There are very REAL physical needs that must be met for a person to have true happiness. Love does not conquer all.

Trust me. I know.

[Explorer44]

I agree, in my case I was fooled, and I'm sure other's have been as well..I had no way of knowing...

[Texasred]

I agree, in my case I was fooled, and I'm sure other's have been as well..I had no way of knowing...

Tell me about it!
Just this year my wife finally admitted that she doesn't much feel a need for sex at all, but that "it's OK once I get started."
As if there's a way to "get started" with an attitude like that.
But it's worked out even - now I feel nothing at all for her either.

[alterview]

ouch!

My first (and probably only) marriage started great, sexually speaking. Our passions and sex life soured right after the birth of our daughter. 5 years of very infrequent sex. She found emotional attactment elsewhere and stuck the knife in (and twisted a bit).

I really feel, in order for a relationship to work, the two involved need to be sexually compatible within reason. A relationship without sex is just a friendship.

I am so thankful towards my current SO. Our sex life is fantastic. We communicate very well in the bedroom (or kitchen or couch or tent...). We both came from sexless marriages. We have had talks about how to ensure that it wont happen to us since we both can envision staying together for a long time.

She mentioned the other day that she believes that small emotional grievences, built up over the course of years, can lead to a lack of sex in a relationship.

Not sure what I think but I do feel that great, emotionally connected sex can be cleansing. Making sure the downward spiral doesn't start is the first thing.

cheers!

[StillLearnin]

I agree, in my case I was fooled, and I'm sure other's have been as well..I had no way of knowing...

Ah, the old "bait and switch" tactic.

Anybody that has this done to them shouldn't stand for it and should demand some changes.

In my case, I didn't experience "bait and switch." I experienced the "respect her pre-marital sex morals and forgo sex for 5 years and hope and pray that when we get married that she'll like and want sex as much as I do" tactic. Going without sex for 5 years was tough because I was very sexually active before I started dating her. That was 26 years ago. I'm just now coming off of the "hope" phase and demanding some changes, because I didn't sign up for infrequent boring sex the rest of my life. I want to LIVE, d**nit! I want hot, steamy, romantic sex every day.

[pretzel]

Ah, the old "bait and switch" tactic.

Anybody that has this done to them shouldn't stand for it and should demand some changes.

In my case, I didn't experience "bait and switch." I experienced the "respect her pre-marital sex morals and forgo sex for 5 years and hope and pray that when we get married that she'll like and want sex as much as I do" tactic. Going without sex for 5 years was tough because I was very sexually active before I started dating her. That was 26 years ago. I'm just now coming off of the "hope" phase and demanding some changes, because I didn't sign up for infrequent boring sex the rest of my life. I want to LIVE, d**nit! I want hot, steamy, romantic sex every day.

Still, you're lucky that your wife is at least willing to listen and understand that. Not all of us are that lucky.

[Texasred]

I want hot, steamy, romantic sex every day.

Yeah, I want that and world peace...

[Texasred]

She mentioned the other day that she believes that small emotional grievences, built up over the course of years, can lead to a lack of sex in a relationship.

That's no doubt true, but it's one of those fairly useless bits of knowledge, like knowing that it's going to rain tomorrow: no matter what you do, it's still going to rain.
Sometimes making a new start is about your only option - or at least sincerely threatening to do so.

[c.chandler]

I'm 24. I feel like I'm ready to settle down. (ie not go to bars every weekend, not have sex every day or even every other day...I'm good with maybe once a week). So what? That's the way I am, I'm not going to compromise that for a man. Having sex due to a sense of obligation is really sad to me.

Why can't men get this? Is that why they cheat? I've never talked to a woman that wants sex all the time...if you're out there, raise your hand.