[Fallen1]

Old thread.

[hot amy]

my husband masturbates nearly every two days when he is not servicing me

[Ashlee T.]

You hung with this, and like the others have said, gave it your best shot. You could've walked out way back when, but you hung around and it seems at least on here that you've really tried. Divorce/Seperation is always very hard, especially when there are kids involved, but I think down the road you're going to be happier and therefore a better father as a result. Hang in there. Glad to see you're still around.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

MiniVanMan, long time no hear so glad you replied to your thread, today. You are without a doubt someone whom has opened people's eyes because of your thread.

And, I am so sorry it's almost at a close...

I think that it's important for a man to feel like he's "the man" sexy, looked at, admired, wanted and loved.

Guess we are the same...

Putting that together with two people in compatibility, sometimes, it was lust, friendship and goes.

I want you to realise you gave everything, absolutely everything... Sex was important to you, acknowlegement of you there, and intimacy and love was to her...

You will if you open your heart again, find someone whom can see your side and you hers...

Never, give up...maybe we have to on a "person" but not in life.

CW

[forumhound]

MiniVanMan, thank you for journaling your 1+ year experiences here for everyone in similar situations (man, in my case) to read. I greatly appreciate being able to see the resolution of your situation, as many other forum threads are left open ended or ambiguous.

I appreciate the serious effort and love you put into your relationship. I'm sorry about your separation, but I recognize the strength it takes for your decision to do so. From what I have read here and elsewhere I fear that many relationships with mismatched sex drives end the same way. Best luck in the future, and thank you again for writing.

[WildChild]

It is difficult but you will know that you gave it all that you could. So long as the two of you keep the kids best interests at heart, they will be fine. I wish you good things for the future as you move beyond this.

[MiniVanMan]

Still here... we're separating.

Oh, I'm still around. I kind of vowed to just say positive things if I post anything, and there really haven't been any positive events in my marriage to discuss.

Last fall she agreed to have sex with me whenever I wanted, just to make me happy. That worked fine for about two weeks, and then the excuses started. She was too tired, or something was bothering her, or despite the fact that I was all over her she thought I didn't want to have sex and rolled over and went to sleep. Doesn't matter, because as I've said before I don't want her to have sex just to please me. I want her to want it too. And she never does.

Around that time I walked in on her while she was masturbating. First time that's happened. I didn't mention it, got what I needed and left the room.

I've just resigned myself to the fact that this marriage can not work. We've been simply polite with each other, and we stopped touching of any kind. No hugging. No spooning in bed. Nothing. After a couple of months of this, we went back to our counselor where my wife admitted that she just didn't have the energy to work on "us" anymore. She wasn't sure if it was permanent or not. I told her I felt the same way, and that for me it was permanent. I was done. I wanted out. She agreed. So the plan is to take it slowly but definitely separate when we can afford it. She needs to find a job first.

The counselor commented that the energy in the room changed significantly once we agreed our marriage was over. She said we both became more animated and talkative and open to each other. We're going to continue to see her for advice as we negotiate our separation.

So that's it. Marriage done. This is our third time agreeing to separate but the previous two times we almost immediately got back together. That's not happening this time. I'm really finished. I dread the thought of telling our kids, of dividing up our stuff, of breaking up this family. But I just can't do this anymore.

Thanks to everyone who posted. I appreciate each and every one of you.

[WildChild]

Van Man hasn't been around for a while. If you are responding I suggest you direct your responses to the more recent contributor to the thread or to the general topic.

[groupieindenial]

Just seems like there is a lot of pressure in this relationship to have sex. For women, their sexual drive is more to do mental turn on than physical. There is obviously a lot more going on here as MiniVanMan has described that has to do with their relationship that is affecting their sex life. You both seem to have adapted by turning to masturbation. WHile masturbating outside of the sexual relationship is healthy, normal for couples as long as it isn't a substitute. It's definitely a sad situation that this has progressively gotten worse over SOO many years. It's going to be a tough road to repair the damage in your relationship. You've become so disconnected over the years, to the point where there is no intimacy.

I hope things continue to improve for you MiniVan man. ALl I can say, is maybe if you try to remember what it was like before you got married, what your relationship was like and try to bring yourself back to that feeling. Maybe if you try to court her like you used to, it will make her feel special. I know paying attention to details and complimenting her on the things that would make her feel special again. It's all the little things, like sweet gestures that can make a difference. Not grand gestures, just thoughtful ones. You need to be her best friend on the mental level. Hopefully she'll respond positively in return, and that can lead to repairing the disconnect that has evolved over the years.

[Tool]

And about the Masterbation, it really hurt when I caught her doing it. I had a feeling for the longest time she was doing it. She would always say she could go for weeks without having sex if she wanted. Then I find the truth lol. She was doing it the whole time with herself!! To this day she doesn't know I caught her, but I figured out her routine. So now in the morning when she takes those really long showers, I join her!! She thought it was a little weird at first, but now she loves it. And the morning sex at times can be great.