[caster]

About 10+ years into being wth my wife, we were out meeting her sister for dinner. While my wife used the restroom I walked in to the bar area and saw my sister in law sitting at the bar. I've always had a good relationship with her. She's pretty and a good flirt so she gets hit on a lot. This time I tried to pick her up like I'd never met her before, and she played along until she finally said; "You're not very good at this are you?"
She was right and I said; "No I'm not, I can only be good at being myself" She agreed and said that's what she liked about me.
Which is open and honest with no BS pick up lines or exaggerated life exploits to try and impress someone. What you see is what you get.

Some guys are good at that type BS, and I think some women enjoy it. But it's not for everyone.

[liminal]

Yep. I think that makes a lot of sense.

[liminal]

Okay, I have another question. Say your with a gal and on the third date you have sex. According to popular culture at least that is fairly common. What can that person reasonably expect from you in terms of commitment? What is that act supposed to mean to her?

Yes I know we can't generalize but I need a general impression.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Oh I hate that question

Third date was my sexual experience with my now fiance...What did I expect? That it was going to continue, us, getting to know each other, what did I expect sexually? Not, intimacy, perfection because we were still finding ourselves as people let alone sexually... What was the act supposed to mean to me? That he had feelings, wanted to bond and that it would continue from there, it did.

But, ..... that's not always the case, so many girls wait for this "third date" "fourth" go ahead and the guy is like "I'll call you"...

Everyone here told me, don't go with any time, you will just know.....and I think that is the key, however our dates were hours each time and that night I did know....

But it's safe to say that we "think" if he's asked us out again, and that went well then he's asked again and that went well, and we start to really like the person, we expect that it will fold into a relationship....

I did request after being asked out on the second date that we text, talk during the week, and we did...made it more exciting, made it more like a forthcoming possible relationship and made it more easier to feel a bond forming ...

But, yep it's generalizing because it can go anyway.....

CW

[CHANDLERS WISH]

What could she expect (commitment wise) from you before you had sex?...

I'd hope you would have already discussed what sex means to the other person before you had it... but if you didn't then that would be the time to start talking...

Very good point......

We discussed exactly that ....all though a lot older than some of you, right down to the meaning of it, the art of giving, intimacy and what that means, boundries, etc...

[liminal]

Okay good point, the need to communicate with your partner is paramount. It's difficult to know what a person can expect on a third date but undying love sounds improbable, for example.

What I am asking is about in general what it signifies in terms of commitment etc.

I hope my question makes sense.

What could she expect (commitment wise) from you before you had sex?...

I'd hope you would have already discussed what sex means to the other person before you had it... but if you didn't then that would be the time to start talking...

[ItsASecret]

What I am asking is about in general what it signifies in terms of commitment etc.

In terms of commitment it means nothing other than that person has some type of attraction to you. Maybe physically they like you so they keep going out, maybe they think you are hilarious and therefore they want to keep hanging out because you are fun, maybe they just are taken back by how amazing you have been so far and just want to get to know you more, maybe they simply are waiting the dates out to see when you can finally have sex. There is no way to actually find out what that person is thinking commitment wise unless that person actually physically says "I am looking for a relationship"-that is just an example. After 3 dates you do not actually know that person, you know their name and some quick points about their life. If they are interested in commitment as in a relationship it will likely have been brought up because the initial ice breaker of initially meeting has already been done. It all comes with communication while you two are together.

[liminal]

Okay, My theory might have been wrong. It seemed to me as if a culturally instituted "third date" implied a culturally instituted laxness toward sex.

Hopeless dork sort of articulated an ethos to me where she said that half of people dating weren't looking for something serious. I am not sure if I completely understood her though.

What does not serious mean when your having sex? But it was in that non serious vein that I supposed the third date rule came into being

Oh I hate that question

Third date was my sexual experience with my now fiance...What did I expect? That it was going to continue, us, getting to know each other, what did I expect sexually? Not, intimacy, perfection because we were still finding ourselves as people let alone sexually... What was the act supposed to mean to me? That he had feelings, wanted to bond and that it would continue from there, it did.

But, ..... that's not always the case, so many girls wait for this "third date" "fourth" go ahead and the guy is like "I'll call you"...

Everyone here told me, don't go with any time, you will just know.....and I think that is the key, however our dates were hours each time and that night I did know....

[Neurotic]

I think most men go through a phase of just wanting a shag, probably fairly early in their sexual courier. Some people don't have that phase, and for some people it is more then just a phase.

[ItsASecret]

What does not serious mean when your having sex?

It means no strings attached, friends with benefits, the persons involved are not interested in finding love not interested in finding a feelings based relationship they are only interested in the sex. Show up, Hi how are you, pants down, have sex, leave. Not serious about knowing them on a personal level to the point of pursuing a love based relationship, only interested in knowing that they can have sex when they agree to on any random day.