[mymirrose]

Madetolove, Good to hear from you, no need for pardon, I wrote that with a self-depreciating laugh myself! I think if I received the affection you show your wife, I don't know, would it make me want to make love to him more? Probably! But that is a whole other thread, I think, lol. As you could probably tell from yesterdays reply, I was wound up tighter than a drum, so when I got home last night, I said everything I was thinking to my SO. He is trying to understand, but I agree, it is hard to express what I need from him (not the sex so much as the bonding and closeness that you are talking about) How do you put that into words with out sounding like you only want the sex? Any clues?

[WildChild]

The thing is in a relationship, especially a marriage you should have both! It shouldn't be one or the other. It should all blend and build to something better and higher - or at least I've always thought so.

[madetolove]

Madetolove, Good to hear from you, no need for pardon, I wrote that with a self-depreciating laugh myself! I think if I received the affection you show your wife, I don't know, would it make me want to make love to him more? Probably! But that is a whole other thread, I think, lol. As you could probably tell from yesterdays reply, I was wound up tighter than a drum, so when I got home last night, I said everything I was thinking to my SO. He is trying to understand, but I agree, it is hard to express what I need from him (not the sex so much as the bonding and closeness that you are talking about) How do you put that into words with out sounding like you only want the sex? Any clues?

Hello there mymirrose, it's great to hear from you!

I would say same sentiments and I agree with what you had shared. Indeed I do have the same thoughts like you of thinking if my wife had the "closeness" desire and who would appreciate and is responsive (like you would), would my desire fades?

No way! As I believe that would makes me wants to explore with her more and probably we would be so out of this world and lost in cloud 9. So many things I would like to explore and adventure with her. But truly, that's another thread by itself. lol.

You know, this thread really captivates me (which I may pop by and have a look) as it is nice and comforting to know that there is someone who is in a similar situation, who knows how you feel, and working/trying to have a solution (although I'm tired of trying).

Well, I had been thinking much after I re-read about my post, your posts, WC posts, and others in this thread. And I gave thought much about your situation and WC stuation, and seems like I have a conclusion but I'm not sure how I could share it here as some ladies may feel hurt/offended. However, I think it might perhaps improve yours/WC situation and vice-versa. (for me).

I believe we need some open discussion. We need honest and direct truths or answers, and to know what or where we might be wrong or it is really our partner. But sometimes, truths or too direct may hurt. But I believe since we are here seeking for advice, I believe we are pretty much open to ideas/suggestions as we made the first move! (which we hope our partner would make their "first or many moves".


But I guess I might know what might turn some guys on and what turn a guy off from a lady. But I would need your advice on what might turn a lady on too?

From me, I could only share with you what I as a guy myself know/feel, and who knows about how some guys could sometimes think and some be like a %$%# ( the guys talk about how they and their woman....bla bla bla which disgusted me how they could treat their woman), and some who are not responsive at all (seems like cold blooded - no feeling at all). And why some guys after they had sex with their woman, they could lose their desire of making love with the woman again (like what WC shared previously).

I believe in order to know what exactly might went wrong we need to really discuss and find out more about our personal situation.

But to have a thorough discussion and if to "dig" much in personal life, I think it might not be appropriate to discuss here, and so, guess we are not able to talk much on it.


hehe...I think if we did solve this issue, we could write an e-book together or start a "how to have great love making session with your partner" seminars or school. Guess this is a niche market

However, in my heart, I hope and pray things could be less complicated. I also wondered, why can't both party who love each other could "drown" into each other's love and have the same strong desire with each other and enjoy the bonding time and explore this personal adventure together.

You know, I remembered my wife had told me it is due to the enviroment (lightings...etc) and also she may feel pain...etc.

We used to make great loving making session at hotels long years ago, but last year, we went to a prestigious hotel, and guess what? When I just slightly went in, she seems no desire, and so, I wouldn't want to force her.

But now reading the posts and chatting with you and others here makes me realized that lightings...etc wouldn't be much of a problem. I believe it may not affect you (or WC...etc). Even if so, I believe that could be work out. Don't you think so?

And as for pain, I believe she knows her body well enough and we could work on it together (get lubricant or read articles together of how we could enhance it more...etc).


Well.....As it is said: Willingness is more important. I guess some things need both hands to clap. If it is a one sided thing...persuading or reasoning seems tough. But when There is an inlet and outlet, the sea would not be called Dead Sea. Don't you agree?

My wife had told me before that I'm like burning with passion, expressive, and affectionate, and I told her, isn't it good for her? I had seen guys who don't care about their partner after having sex with them, and who only go to their partner when they want sex (like what WC had shared).

Well...But then, I had tried to be like her and suppress my affection, but I give up. I can't...it is in my blood. I'm burning hot with passion to the one I love and I need to express ... I would say "YES" to all... I'm guilty of that it is in my blood...I got to admit.

I can't suppress anymore as it is tormenting, especially when you think about it.

Thanks for sharing mymirrose, I deeply appreciate.

[mymirrose]

WC, I agree and in a perfect world, it would be so. But, I think madetolove and I have all ready "opened the barn door and the cow got out" so to speak. Now we are in the process of trying to get our loved ones to understand it isn't just the sex we have been asking for, it is the whole package that we need. So, we are trying to change our way of asking, and trying to make them understand what all our relationship needs to be fulfilled and happy. It sometimes feels like one step forward, three steps back, But because of the love and commitment we have, we keep trying.

[madetolove]

The thing is in a relationship, especially a marriage you should have both! It shouldn't be one or the other. It should all blend and build to something better and higher - or at least I've always thought so.

I totally agree with you!!! 10 thumbs and 10 Toes up!!!

[madetolove]

Well Said!!!

WC, I agree and in a perfect world, it would be so. But, I think madetolove and I have all ready "opened the barn door and the cow got out" so to speak. Now we are in the process of trying to get our loved ones to understand it isn't just the sex we have been asking for, it is the whole package that we need. So, we are trying to change our way of asking, and trying to make them understand what all our relationship needs to be fulfilled and happy. It sometimes feels like one step forward, three steps back, But because of the love and commitment we have, we keep trying.

I had nothing else to add on but to agree with you as you had said it all mymirrose.

By right: indeed we should have both and both sides initiate and take responsibility or "play their roles".

By left: We give in, and the one giving hurts more.

As the saying goes: "Be loved is Blessed, Loving someone hurts"

[mymirrose]

Madetolove, I love the e-book idea, we will have to see about that, lol! And I do agree that physical things can be dealt with as they happen, but it is the mental "Alls you want is sex" part that is the most difficult to overcome. I know you said you are tired of trying, but, you, I think are like me in that, you won't give up and neither will I. If it was just sex and having orgasms, we would have given up long ago, or gotten that somewhere else. We want the whole "package" and I don't feel we are wrong to want it, I just think we may have to work harder to get it. (Fair, no! Worth it? I totally believe it will be!) I have started, like you said, trying to take the "edge off" so when I am with my SO, it isn't uppermost on my mind, very unsatisfying, but we keep trying, don't we?
It is nice to be able to talk to someone (of the opposite sex) who knows what I'm talking about. My SO says "Isn't it nice to know some guys don't just want sex from you" Well, I really don't know how to answer that in the state I am in right now......lol

[madetolove]

Madetolove, I love the e-book idea, we will have to see about that, lol! And I do agree that physical things can be dealt with as they happen, but it is the mental "Alls you want is sex" part that is the most difficult to overcome. I know you said you are tired of trying, but, you, I think are like me in that, you won't give up and neither will I. If it was just sex and having orgasms, we would have given up long ago, or gotten that somewhere else. We want the whole "package" and I don't feel we are wrong to want it, I just think we may have to work harder to get it. (Fair, no! Worth it? I totally believe it will be!) I have started, like you said, trying to take the "edge off" so when I am with my SO, it isn't uppermost on my mind, very unsatisfying, but we keep trying, don't we?
It is nice to be able to talk to someone (of the opposite sex) who knows what I'm talking about. My SO says "Isn't it nice to know some guys don't just want sex from you" Well, I really don't know how to answer that in the state I am in right now......lol

Hey mymirrose!!! lol!!!!! You cheer me up and make me Laugh!!!

Well said and totally Agree!!!!!!!

I can't understand why both person who are committed to each other can't think about the other person by offering the "full affection package"!!! Aren't they glad that we love to be affectionate or so close with them? And don't they have feelings and logic???

I really love my wife and am willing to put work/things/friends aside and just to spend time with her! You know about guys...they have their what.."brotherhood fellowship" on weekends...YUCKS!!! I have NONE!!! I just want to "fellowship" with my wife! I would tell my friends, I would need to spend time with my wife...laugh as they may like, I don't care! As my wife is the woman of my life and where we would be with each other till death do us part (though it may sounds drama or childish to some, but I don't know why I feel this way for her. It's phenomenen). And I would really want and hope to enjoy every moments in every way together as we are growing older. I would like to enjoy every stage/age of life with her. I truly hope my wife could feel the same way as I.

I had some thoughts you know. That if I stopped having these desire, would my wife regrets and crave more for me then? But I wouldn't want that to happen as deep down I actually do still have some hope, and no matter what, she is my wife and woman.

[madetolove]

..........My SO says "Isn't it nice to know some guys don't just want sex from you" Well, I really don't know how to answer that in the state I am in right now......lol

lol!!!! I really have no idea what to comment!

hmm...you know what mymirrose?

During my suppressed times, I initially prayed that may the desire be taken away far from me...

But truly after chatting with you and viewing these posts, I guess I (or we) should start changing our perspective that "if we did anything wrong?" or suppress the desire to -------> we should appreciate this as a Strength and God Given Blessing which really really relaxes a person and enhance bonding and consider that we are a Special unique creation being!!! And if our partner don't appreciate, it is their lost!

gee... sounds like a motivational talk

AS for the e-book thingy...sure do. When our issue got resolved, we could work on that. But indeed we have to see about that first.

Anyway, thanks for sharing mymirrose, I felt much better after reading the posts and chatting with you (WC...etc). Thanks.

[mymirrose]

You wouldn't be the person you are if you did stop yourself from feeling the way you do and neither would I. I have had the same thoughts about putting my desire on the back burner, hoping he would miss it, it only made me resentful and him wonder where else I may be getting it. It is a two-edged sword! So, they do miss it when we don't do anything, because I think, it is comforting to them to know we do love and desire them, but getting them to reciprocate is the problem we need to figure out. I keep coming back to what my Nanny told me "This too shall pass", not very comforting in the moment, but it does give me hope for the future. I am not ANY help today am I?