[Texinator]

WildRose?

[WildChild]

WildRose?

Perhaps so. It may be a while before I'm approachable without great care.

[stressed]

Better safe than sorry, I say.

[tesoro]

I'm old enough to have encountered enough men with sexual issues to see that they are pretty fragile in that department and should be better able to understand how their behavior contributes to and helps create the women's sexual issues which so many of them complain about.

Thank you for this, WC. Although I have not encountered a variety of men due to being married young, I totally agree that a man's behaviour absolutely contributes to creating any sexual issues their woman has that they complain about. Again, I think it has a lot to do with maturity or the lack of it. Some men are very emotionally immature and they just don't "get it". There is nothing a woman can do to educate this type of man. He has to be open to talking and learning about relationships instead of looking for his next sexual release...sounds shallow I know...but in my case this was reality.

[Casey715]

Chandlers Wish asked, "I wonder if the men that view porn and are faithful to their partner, see it as a way to avoid cheating."
Not for me. I have no desire to cheat.

I'v done this scene puberty. Actually, studies show we masturbate in the womb. And you ask me to stop now? WHY? Because I am a visual creature and need visual tools to aid me? When I look at porn, it is an aid to achieve a goal. As simple as that. I don't just do it to look at it. I don't think about it later. I don't remember how that girl looked 20 minutes later. Its not part of my thoughts later. I use porn JUST to get off. That is it. No physical connection. I don't know what you need to hear to believe that solo masturbation in no way indicates a lack of love or sexual need for a woman. I love my wife. I need, want, lust, and urge for her body. She sexually fulfills my needs. I want for nothing. Am I going to continue to play with myself? Yep. WHY, you ask.

(casey shrugs his shoulders)

I don't know. Because I can, and it feels good. That is why. Do I love that girl I am masturbating to? Do I need her body? Do I even want her body? No. It is a tool to achieve orgasm.


When you masturbate and your man is not around, what do you think about?
I have always wondered. Is it fruit? Perhaps cars? No? Is it a male? Always your S.O.? If not, then you are doing the same thing as looking at porn. The only difference is your just not looking at a magazine, tv, or computer. Men (most) are visually stimulated. I cannot masturbate with only a thought or idea, just can't. If you are masturbating with the mental picture or idea of someone other than your S.O., then how is it any different?

[Casey715]

In relationships, men are generally more fragile, IMHO. I wonder if conditioning would work. Insist that porn be watched together and then not let him be alone with his thoughts. Make a number of comments about the physical attributes of the males in the porn, but not direct comparisons. Such as "he is hung well", or "he really knows how to use his assets", or "I love it when his veins stick out". If you are subtle enough, he will start to feel inadequate and will no longer want to view porn with you. Make him look at the other guy and feel inadequate every time he watches porn. Remember, originally he said that it's natural for guys to watch porn. Now he will have to change it to, it's natural for guys to watch porn, but alone, away from their SO. Or maybe, it's natural for guys to watch porn in stony silence. Many guys would quit, realizing that they have been outmaneuvered.

What a terrible thing to say. I have never heard of any man referencing porn trying to make his woman feel inadequate. If your man does this, then I could understand. However, I don't feel this is the case. Should men hound women when they read those romance novels? its the same thing. my wife can get off reading those novels. Does it hurt my feelings or make me feel unwanted? no. Thing is, she can read those thing anywhere. I can only watch porn at home.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I don't think jns's comment was referencing porn trying to make his woman feel inadequate, I think he is purely using reverse physcology, to those who's men claim "it's natural for guys to watch porn", then fine, let's do it together... The reverse physcology is that no man likes his woman to compare penises, no man really likes to look at other penises, as he compares himself either, and no man feel's perfect there unless he's a certain size and knows exactly how to use it as well, then his ego usually sends him cheating anyway

Okay a bit far fetched....

I am a visual creature and need visual tools to aid me?

Chandlers Wish asked, "I wonder if the men that view porn and are faithful to their partner, see it as a way to avoid cheating."
Not for me. I have no desire to cheat.

So what's wrong with visual aids - being a picture of your wife naked? I get masterbation and understand it completely, have no problems with it, unless it's excessive and therefore, he has a problem cumming, (then again that's not a problem ... But if you were to take those visuals away totally and could only masterbate to "thoughts" such as we do, perhaps, then would you miss never being able to see a woman naked other than your wife, ever again in your life?

Perhaps avoid cheating can be defined therefore, in a different manner

[jns]

What a terrible thing to say. I have never heard of any man referencing porn trying to make his woman feel inadequate. If your man does this, then I could understand. However, I don't feel this is the case. Should men hound women when they read those romance novels? its the same thing. my wife can get off reading those novels. Does it hurt my feelings or make me feel unwanted? no. Thing is, she can read those thing anywhere. I can only watch porn at home.

Whether it is done on purpose to make the woman feel inadequate or its done by lack of understanding, the result is the same.

Actually I was trying to create a situation that makes for Pavlovian conditioning or in this case Pavlovian reconditioning. As in alcohol addiction and other forms of addiction, the addicted will insist that they are not addicted until reality hits them in the face.

One thing that is done with alcoholics is to have them take medicine that makes them sick when they drink. If they are willing to take the medicine, the getting sick when they break down and drink plays directly to physically conditioning their body to understand that getting sick comes from drinking. The going for a drink is a physically automated task when they start the program. After a while it is not, and they have a chance to determine if they want to do it.

I was trying to create a situation when the guy reaches for the drink ... er, I mean porn, he gets a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. This will help him break the addiction. It is not meant for those who want to keep going for the porn even if it is detrimental to their relationships, and ultimately don't care if their SOs feel inadequate.

[Hopeless Dork]

Casey:

I don't read romance novels, and guess what a weirdo I am.. I actually DO think of my S.O during masturbation.. I recall a recent steamy encounter, I think of a sound he made, a look he gave me a lot of other more explicit things.

I understand it being visual stimulation, I understand if a guy doesn't have an imagination him needing visual stimulation ... but if you don't care about the girls your masturbating to -- why not masturbate to a pic of your wife? Is that really so proposterous for a man to do?

I hink thats where the question from CW about is it a faithful mans way of not desiring to cheat comes into play... as in he still gets the variety of women in fantasy while being 'faithful' to his chick. If it were simply a means to an end... why wouldn't pics of their wifes naked body do the trick? It really sounds more of a case of wanting variety or wanting somethign different than what they have.... I have such a hard time seeing it any other way... especially when its pictures, sex... I can understand wanting to watch people have sex for arousal. But just looking at still pictures of particular women -- why? if not for variety , why would this be necessary?

No one in this thread has talked down masturbation, I personally think its awesome when it isn't done to the excess that a partner curbs their drive and has no desire for their partner because of it.

[stressed]

I'v done this scene puberty. Actually, studies show we masturbate in the womb. And you ask me to stop now? WHY?

As mentioned above, nobody is against masturbation. I personally find the thought of my SO masturbating thinking of ME very arousing. When he finds me as attractive as to think of me in that sense when I'm not at home then I cannot ask for anything more. I only think of him when I masturbate as well, I love it. There's nothing "abnormal" with wanting one person or be sexually fulfilled by one person. It's what we all want. But nobody claims that men shouldn't masturbate.

Because I am a visual creature and need visual tools to aid me? When I look at porn, it is an aid to achieve a goal.

What I don't understand is:

- If you are aroused and need to masturbate then you don't really need porn. You're aroused enough to ejaculate by using your hand. If you need additional means to ejaculate then why not look at a sexy photo or a sexy clip of your SO instead? If it's all about visual it should not be a problem if the person you're looking at is your SO. But what I notice happening in these cases is that these men don't want to connect masturbation with their SO, they don't want to "use" them like that. But this is caused by other psychological issues and not by men having to look at other women when they masturbate.

- If you are not aroused, then why seek arousal by intentionally seeking photos/porn on a computer for? You can just as well wait for your partner to come home, or suggest sex. A man who is not aroused and watches porn to become aroused uses porn as a habit more than a need. Of course I will become aroused if I watch a couple have sex, but why would I do that if my SO is coming home soon? Why waste energy on something fake when I have the real thing to keep busy with?

As simple as that. I don't just do it to look at it. I don't think about it later. I don't remember how that girl looked 20 minutes later. Its not part of my thoughts later. I use porn JUST to get off. That is it. No physical connection. I don't know what you need to hear to believe that solo masturbation in no way indicates a lack of love or sexual need for a woman. I love my wife. I need, want, lust, and urge for her body. She sexually fulfills my needs. I want for nothing. Am I going to continue to play with myself? Yep. WHY, you ask.

As long as it does not hurt your wife in any way then it's none of our business and we are not telling you to quit porn. What we're discussing here is why men who know that porn hurts their SO continue to do so. If she has told you that it hurts her feelings and her self-confidences would you tell her that you will continue to do so anyway because you are a visual creature? Then, women are emotional creatures and hate being emotionally hurt just like men want to be visual. The only thing with this argument is that a man can still be visually stimulated by his own wife, yet a wife cannot stop feeling emotionally hurt by her husband if he continues to watch porn when it hurts her.

I don't know. Because I can, and it feels good. That is why. Do I love that girl I am masturbating to? Do I need her body? Do I even want her body? No. It is a tool to achieve orgasm.

Which makes me wonder why is it so wrong to use your wife as such a tool. Women love to be seen as sex objects, they love to be desired. Why is it so hard for men to understand that?

When you masturbate and your man is not around, what do you think about?
I have always wondered. Is it fruit? Perhaps cars? No? Is it a male? Always your S.O.? If not, then you are doing the same thing as looking at porn. The only difference is your just not looking at a magazine, tv, or computer. Men (most) are visually stimulated. I cannot masturbate with only a thought or idea, just can't. If you are masturbating with the mental picture or idea of someone other than your S.O., then how is it any different?

This has to do with what I said above. If you cannot masturbate with just your thoughts then why seek to be aroused by porn? If you're not aroused then you're not, you can let it be and nothing bad will happen to your organs. You don't have to ejaculate every day and blue balls is a myth. In fact, the less you masturbate the more you're going to be thinking about sex with your wife. If the thought isn't enough, like I said, film your wife or ask her to make you a film. There's absolutely nothing wrong with men who don't watch porn and they aren't any less of men when they don't.

What a terrible thing to say. I have never heard of any man referencing porn trying to make his woman feel inadequate. If your man does this, then I could understand. However, I don't feel this is the case. Should men hound women when they read those romance novels? its the same thing. my wife can get off reading those novels. Does it hurt my feelings or make me feel unwanted? no. Thing is, she can read those thing anywhere. I can only watch porn at home.

You and your wife obviously have your own means of masturbation enhancements. There's nothing wrong about that as long as you are both happy with this. I just wonder how different your sex life would be if neither of you used those enhancements and thought of each other instead.