[Texinator]

I just had an idea. When men masturbate to picture of a woman, they are usually objectifying her, because their entire arousal is based on her physical appearance. They have nothing else to go on even if they wanted to. She's an anonymous model.

So maybe some men have a difficult time being happy with pictures of their girlfriend or wife because they don't know how to be aroused by pictures without objectifying the woman in them, and then they feel that they're demeaning their girlfriend/wife.

Though I personally find it easier to be aroused by such pictures, because they are of someone I know, which in itself is a turn on, but I can also factor things like their personality into the arousal.

[Casey715]

Hump......I feel I am not getting my idea across. Masturbation is not wrong. I get that you agree. Not what I was trying to get you all to admit. OK........upfront honesty? ......My wife has a problem with me masturbating to porn. She said she does not, but I know she does. Its not often. 2-3 times a month. Could be why she said she has no problem, maybe she really doesn't.

Now, why do I do it when I am not aroused? I am aroused. She is not in the mood. Shocker right, an SO that doesn't want it when you want it. Works both ways. I'm not always in the mood and you cant expect me to be 'on call' just because you are ready. She is wonderful and takes care of me and I feel, and she lets me know, that I take care of all of her needs as well. BUT I don't always want to make love. DON'T READ INTO THIS WRONG, it is a true statement. Making love takes...a lot. Much more than jerking off. Wanting to make love and being horny is not always the same thing. Just a little selfish me time where I don't have to even think about making sure my wife is taken care of. Not that I have make a concerted effort, just.....about ME.

And on to the meat of the issue, the subject of lust whilst I jerk off. I understand that me j/o to some chick is what ****es you off. Looking at her body is just wrong you say. I know my wifes body, and I love my wifes body. I do have pictures of my wife, but to j/o to her pictures....I can't explain why, but it would take forever. Is my wifes body sexually appealing to me, yes. So you ask why would it take forever if she is appealing to you? I have no answer. I am j/o for me, just to get it done without much effort. Some other female body allows me to acheive this quicker. Which is the goal. I don't want to j/o for 20 or 30 miniutes. I am doing this to for me. Could I wait, yes. Yes I could wait but you are not in the mood and I got myself worked up in my mind and I am ready to go. Your not in the mood or you are watching Lifetime, no problem. I can take care of myself. So I go j/o to some 20 year old chick with pigtails. It takes me 5 min. and I am ok. Why does it bother you that it was her and not you. You think I want that 20 year old girl? Seriously???? Be honest with yourself. You really think I would leave you, the person I love and have a relationship with, for her. I don't know her. I have no way of getting in touch with her. Do I long for you to be her. NOOOOOOOO. Why does it hurt your feelings soooo bad? If you are vibing to some hung stud and that helps you get off, big deal. Its your time. Is your man the best looking guy around? Does he have the most perfect body in the world? Does he please you in the best possible way every time. No. Does that mean you want some one else. I hope not. But does it mean that for a few minutes you can't fantasize about something your man isn't? And if you do, does it mean you are unfaithful? God I hope not.

[Hopeless Dork]

Of course men don't care if their wife/gf looks at other men to get off... but how would you feel about your gf/wife giving pictures of herself to other men for them to j/o to?

Its okay for you to masturbate to random women... would it be okay for your wife to be the random woman some other men masturbated to?

You see, that is what makes things more on a level playing feild. Most women don't want to look at a random penis to be aroused, most love being the object of desire to get them over the top... If looking isn't cheating, shouldn't showing also not be cheating?

If your wife was to show off her body and masturbate on webcam to some guy enjoying her looks... would that be different than you looking at a picture of someone not your wife? Yeah, of course you will think its different. Because its 'interactive' but women have interactive needs while for men looking at a few pixels on a monitor will do the trick.

You say you don't want the 20 year old in pig tails... but isn't that just because she is unnatainable to you anyway? When a man is getting himself off to a pic of another women it doesn't make us feel any better that you can't get her in rl... it feels like if you could you would but you can't so you will j/o to her instead... thats not as comforting to the ego as you'd think.

[Texinator]

Why does it hurt your feelings soooo bad?.

For many women, a man being able to orgasm faster looking at some random woman online than while looking at the girlfriend/wife comes across as the man finding that woman online more attractive than their significant other.

[i know i need help]

Hi, each relationship is different! If at the beginning a woman states that porn is not acceptable to her then its up to the man to either accept that or move on!
Its no different from some partners not accepting drinking or drugs or cursing etc etc etc
You have to know and be clear as soon as the issue comes up about what is good and what is bad for you. im only a few weeks into marriage and my husband viewing porn would be a deal breaker, he knew that before we got engaged and married and before i fell pregnant. He knows that i feel that strongly about this matter that i couldnt stay with him (i have mental health issues and my reaction is extreme with certain things like this which would force self harm) so its not something light to either of us!
However, if a partner doesnt say at the first opportunity what they cant deal with then their partner can be given false messages.
My general belief of porn (without my emotional reaction) is that a woman can feel belittled and unloved if their partner seeks gratification from looking at other women, self esteem can go down as can confidence

[stressed]

Casey... what I see in your post is sexual frustration (I could be wrong, it's just what I see). You'd like more sex with your wife but she turns you down, so you turn to porn. She's not happy about it, you know she doesn't like it, but since she doesn't give you as much sex as you want then you feel it's alright to continue doing so. A question I always ask in such cases is: What happened first? Her turning you down or her noticing that you watch porn despite your sex life being fine?

Your last post seems aggressive and that's you talking to random people you don't know and don't know you. Is this how you discuss sex with your wife too? Is this how she talks to you about it? (I'm not being offensive, I am trying to understand the situation, don't get me wrong). It's as if you're talking to your wife about how you really feel on the subject, as if you have never told her how you really feel. As if you have accepted that she has her novels, you have your porn, and sex can happen when you are both "fit" for it. If your wife senses this attitude then I can understand why she doesn't always want sex.

Another important question I have for you is: If you wife was always available for sex with you, if she initiated more often, if she always did what you wanted her to do in bed, would you still watch porn?

[Casey715]

to stressed.
my wife wears me out more often than not. her sexual drive is out of this world. the last part of the post is me trying too hard to get my point across I think.

[Casey715]

response to HD
Yes if my is showing off her body to some random person that she can interact with, it would crush me. Her body belongs to me, it is for me and me only. "Read the last statement subjectively, I don't mean to say she BELONGS to me as in I own her. But I don't see the comparison. I do it to some unknown who cannot see me. I in no way have any interaction with said girl. But yes, take pictures of my wife and mail them to Florida to some random guy. No return address. Let him j/o to them all day, I don't care. It has nothing to do with my wife.
So your telling me that by dressing up and putting makeup on to look good and going out to the club with your girls, that by doing this you are being the object of desire of men in the club. Doing that to get the feeling of desire is what turns a woman on. Because most women don't want to look at a random penis to be aroused. If my wife does this, it is the same as me j/o to some random chick? She goes out with her friends and gets compliments, and this makes her feel sexy. This happens often. Should I be worried she is mentality cheating on me because of compliments? Sorry, I don't see it. I also compliment her and make her feel sexy. She said she likes it when other guys compliment her. I know it makes her feel special. Should I forbid her from feeling good from compliments she randomly gets. What kind of person would I be?

[stressed]

But now you contradict yourself. First you say she turns you down, then you say her sex drive is out of this world. I don't know which one to believe (sorry).

In the way you mean that your wife's body belongs to you, your wife also feels that your sexual thoughts should be focused on her, because you are for her and her only. When you look at 20 year old women (or chicks, like you said) you indirectly tell her that you prefer that. It doesn't matter to her why you do it, you do it even if you know she doesn't like it.

You also compare compliments with an orgasm. There's quite a difference here. Your wife doesn't enjoy compliments by other men because they arouse her, she does because they boost her self-confidence as a woman. You look at porn to ejaculate.

What HD is saying is that women want to be admired sexually just as much men want to admire women sexually. The equal to a man watching girls is for a woman to show herself to guys. Men don't accept that, yet they find it's alright to look at other women. Don't you see the paradox here?

[Casey715]

Because my wifes sex drive is out of this world is akin to saying she wants it 100% of every day? Ofcourse not. Am I always in the mood when she wants it, no. But I know her and her needs. So I try to be what she wants me to be.
You say; "You look at porn to ejaculate."
Hallelujah. That is it. Why complicate it any further?????????????

The equal to a man watching girls is for a woman to show herself to guys. Men don't accept that, yet they find it's alright to look at other women. Don't you see the paradox here?
No I don't.
Me masturbating is the same as you showing your body to someone you can interact with? How?