[CHANDLERS WISH]

Interesting debate..

So many threads try on this level and one gets peeved and it ends..

Got to say, Casey, when bombarded you do but good

I actually get what you are saying to a degree.. Now you lot hear me out.

For a man to have an orgasm, it can take time, 20, 30, 45 minutes, yet the whole time he's performing, he's started with foreplay in addition to that. He's concentrating on pleasing his woman, and she is the one who gets the most out of this, if this occurs, as that's a long time to have orgasms over and over..

For a man to be selfish "as you put it" and do that in 5 minutes, solo, it's his time, turn, no hard work, is a fair call..

Most women will get horney and take 5 themselves..

I am a visual person, I can close my eyes and "see" the last episode, ..

So, maybe men need to train themselves to "see' the last episode themselves, the look on the SO's face, in that 30 min effort made, each time she orgasmed and masterbate to that...

I think there is a non understanding on the moving back and forth a man does, and the conentration and time, it takes if he can last the distance.

But, I also think that if we as women can masterbate and visualise in our mind, then men can learn to do the same, and for the sake of the person he is with, if she doesn't like porn, then do it. Learn it.. It can be done, there is no such word as can't..

CW

[Texinator]

Tex you stay out of this, I don't need your help. lol j/k your killing me here. It feels like its all against me. I'm not shallow, I see your point. Each one is true. And please don't think I am mad or just trying to make you mad. Indulge me here.
One has to be worse than the others. You cannot say they are the same. If you feel they are, then denote it. but for arguments sake, pick only one. Would you rather your man have sexual interaction with a woman, or mindlessly jack off to some stranger on the computer?
When put in those terms, do you see how it is different.

Haha, well, it's not being against you just for the sake of it. I guess we just disagree on the matter.

I look at it like this... a man appreciating the sight of a female body is only interacting with her on a visual level, right? How would it then be different if his girlfriend or wife showed her body to another man? Even if she knew him? They'd still be interacting on a visual level. As long as they're not having sexual contact in any way, it's not physical. As long as they're not professing their love for each other, it's not emotional. It's purely visual.

Therefore, if a man is allowed to find visual arousal outside a relationship, the woman is allowed to find visual acceptance and appreciation outside the relationship. On the other hand, if the image of her naked body belongs to him and only him, then his arousal also belongs to her and only her. And vice versa.

[Hopeless Dork]

Before meeting my boyfriend, my preffered method of arousal would be making some random guy aroused, via webcam. I'd dance around and pose etc and watch him get excited and that turned me on. After doing so I would masturbate privately fueled by the arousal of that non-emotionally connected encounter.

Before my boyfriend meeting me his preffered method of arousal was looking at nudie websites.

We got to together and are in love and faithful to each other... my method of masturbating before we met each other had to change, obviously, he did not want me watching other guys jerk it to me bending over for them etc on a webcam. It would be disrespectful to him and our relationship so I stopped of course... his feelings and our happiness matter more to me than masturbation material.

I enjoy our sex and when we can't have it I don't think about it or TRY to become aroused by something else. If I happen to be horny for no reason and he's unavailable I think of him, and our last encounter , of his body and his scents and tastes and get myself off that way.

He on other hand... continues to look at nudie sites, even though I've said time and agian how it hurts my feelings and I do feel disrepected and unwanted by his desire to do it. Doesn't matter. He will continue to look at nudie sites whenever he wants because thats his preffered method of arousal/satisfaction when he doesn't want intimacy with me.

For me it wasn't hard to give up something so insignficant to me, because he matters so much more than that... but giving up nudie sites is like asking a man to cut off his right arm.. and it just makes me sick to my stomach.

Thats like me saying I love potatoes and my man saying but I don't want you to have pototoes you can have beets instead, I like beets, beets are okay, beets don't hurt anyone because beets don't bother me, so just eat beets. And me saying but beets don't taste good to me, I like potatoes. Hey maybe we can just pick something else we both like and each of us learn to like food without beets or potatoes.. him: nah, i'll still eat beets, kthxbai. If you ever want beets you can have them, I'll keep eating them, but you stay away from those potatoes!!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

But HD, if you and I, therefore, women can think of our last encounter with our man if we are horny and in fact, I'd go as far to say that as soon as we get that tingle of horniess, the first thing we think of is him, then reminise, then why can not a man do the same thing?

I know we have more love than a man, due to being the child barer... and in that, maybe that is why we turn immediately to our thoughts of the one we love...

BUT, we're still vixens We can definately give them a run for their money, make them squirm So, I cant see why they can't train themselves to think also as we do, if in love. and see that vixen

Nothing at all wrong with masterbation. but surely it's worth a try, in fact I would bet on it, if they concentrated daily for 1 month they would be capable of orgasms via thought pattern only

[Texinator]

Maybe because through the use of fantasy sex - porn - and through the belief that women either can't be or shouldn't be sexual, many men are trained to live in a fantasy world. Then they need to look at fantasy women in order to sustain that fantasy world.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

That makes sense, but in today's age, alot of women are being sexual and their partners, love every minute of it, whilst they are ladies outside the bedroom, is it not hard therefore, as women say over and over and over, why, when you have it all?

I get, and understand, if the woman isn't sexual, or lays there only, or gives in, not actually wanting him, or isn't forthcoming very often, absolutely.

But, in relationships where it's all there for them? Then can they not try to train themselves, to visualise us? Compromise isn't it?

[Texinator]

If a man is trained to live in that fantasy world then, regardless of whether or not he is in a relationship and regardless of the quality of the sex in that relationship, maybe he needs to keep returning to that fantasy world, because it provides him with a certain level of comfort. His fantasy women are always there for him, regardless of what his real woman is doing.

Another.. or additional.. possibility is like I mentioned earlier, that some men think they are objectifying the woman when they fantasize about her or look at pictures of her, and they don't want to do that to their significant other, so they'd rather go and look at some woman they don't know at all.

I'm not saying that that is how it should be, just that maybe that's how it is with some men. Maybe it's different reasons for different men. Not everyone is the same. I don't know... I'm still trying to figure out much of this myself.

[Hopeless Dork]

Casey:

This is my big question here... okay that 20 year old in pigtails picture that you used to get off quicker than your significant other... Lets say THAT girl in that picture that was so quick to get you off just standing there.. say THAT chick was your girlfriend and in your bed every night... would you log on to the internet to masturbate to a picture of someone that looked like your girlfriend?

[Casey715]

tex.
no. all because of interaction. the possibility of it going further. me and a girl in a video can not go any further.

but it is a moot point. Its like you say HD, your man keeps doing it. Even tho he knows how you feel. I don't think we keep doing it despite your feelings, its just what we have always done. I do agree that if I was stuck on an island, I could definitely get off to the thought of my woman. Why don't I, too many options at hand, no pun intended, not to use. You will contend it hurts your feelings, I don't see a compromise in site. I can understand where you are coming from. So lets just agree to disagree. Or not?

[Fallen1]

I do agree that if I was stuck on an island, I could definitely get off to the thought of my woman. Why don't I, too many options at hand, no pun intended, not to use.

I'm curious as to why she would be enough if you didn't have any options .... but since you do she isn't?