[thack]

She could have cheated earlier on in the marriage(i think while she was deployed in 05)
But the HPV is like the common cold of STD's its got such a high infection rate, chances are if you have had sex, you have been exposed to it or had it at some point in your life, its extremely common in long term faithful relationships, SO, IF, she did not cheat and just spazzed out about it thinking that i did and thats how she got it, AFTER reading all the stuff she was given in 2001 (which she blocks out) after her gyno told her she probably had it because her test came back inconclusive (which normally means you have it but its not active) - positive = well, active.

SO, she's just being S*upid, projecting onto me, and like you said, probably in shock.
She tried to say (i told her i wanted her out of the house by the time the divorce was final) the house still has my name on it- to that i replied "well, if you want to consider it your house, i can always submit paperwork to take my name off of it and you can have it, along with the bills, but thats up to you.. just let me know.... she said "im trying to find an apartment"

I wish i would have planned it and gotten more out after looking at the conversation. I was initially pis*ed off but after you guys posted, it made me realize that I really did nothing wrong, I told her i had no respect for her, that i never cheated, and that her boyfriend was known about, as well as her dating ads...


Saldy, colorado is a "no fault" state, you cannot even file under anything except "failing marriage" so the adultery thing is bad, but does not sway it. only abuse does, and emotional abuse isnt significant to pull it in my favor lol, there is no physical abuse, I outweigh her by 100lbs . . . lol, so, yeah. (i will never ever lay a hand on a woman, never have and had plenty of reason to in earlier years)

SO, I actually broke down today and browsed an online dating site, I may check one out a little more indepth as this progresses, since we are now legally separated, its legal. So, i will not feel "bad" about it.

But, the headline will read- "just looking to meet new people" - if people want to email / im after that, then its for the right reason, not to jump into a new relationship. and that will also be one of my first responses... so we'll see how i feel about that whole shindig.

[thack]

Well, I canceled the whole online dating thing, I got approached by some women which felt good, but I felt guilty (not because I am not completely and totally divorced) but because I am still in the middle of all of this and the site I was using is directed towards long term relationships, I did not want to string along some other women or cheat myself out of a growth period. Luckily I was able to get a refund for the fees' which made me happy, lol, with today's development the frugal side of me is kicking in a little more.

Today my babysitter emailed me telling me that my X is pulling my son from her care as of Nov1. She did not give any more information, but it angered me a bit considering that he is my son too and to be informed by someone other than his mother is bull s*it. So, I emailed the X stating that if any life effecting decisions were to be made regarding our son that both of us were to be involved, and that a courtesy email would have made this much better. I think she is going to move out after I told her that I did not want her in the house with her boyfriends, which brings up another question- which will be answered by my lawyer today- what is she thinking she's taking from the house.

If she is being uncivil- which this action I count as this sort of thing - misinformation is not civil. Maybe I am over reacting, or getting to touchy to this. I just don't want to be taken advantage of while I am here. Which I brought up, that I would send her paperwork delaying this and preventing anything from leaving the house, I just am kind of confused right now.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Thack, you need to go home.....

You need to understand that you are not in the right frame of mind to be doing what you are doing, there in Iraq... You know it, I know it, other's need to know it.

She will do what she wants, IF YOU CAN DO THIS DON'T TELL HER.

She will be moving stuff already OUT of the house... There is a date, she has found somewhere to move to..

Be smart ask for compassionate leave, don't say a word but have your family and friends with you upon arrival.

Unfortunately, my heart goes out to you but this IS NOT going to go as you are trying to plan, you are trying to make it easy but she is a deviate already a deviate, she feels she has another life to go to all be it bad and f u c up, she feels that and she is doing her planning without you.

You can't be there anymore babe, you have to go home.

CW

[Guest]

Move it Soldier !

Thack, you need to go home.....

She will do what she wants, IF YOU CAN DO THIS DON'T TELL HER.

Be smart ask for compassionate leave, don't say a word but have your family and friends with you upon arrival.
You can't be there anymore babe, you have to go home.

CW

Thack, Listen to what CW is saying. She is absolutely totally 100% correct! Remember I was in the service too, I don't think they call it compassionate leave, altho I know what CW is saying, but when there is serious Marital problems and it involves your son, there should be know problems at all. At least that's the way is was back in the late 70's. The request chit that you fill out should go to your immediate officer, quickly!

That's an order Soldier!! Ha,lol,
Good luck to ya Brother!

[thack]

I tried, there are over a hundered of guys in my batallion in the same situation I am in and they will not let any of us leave at all.

It is a very fu*ked up situation indeed, but I have absolutely no choice in the matter. I made my requests, and I will not be the last guy to get screw*d over like this.

my Sergeant Major went through this so all he will say to me is "its only material , don't worry about it, you can buy new stuff, you don't want that old stuff anyway" that is what he's been telling me the whole time.

I emailed my lawyer seconds after reading that, as well as another lawyer because my lawyer has been very disappointing thus far. I will gain legal representation TODAY one way or another. I have had it the whole time but it was on an advice based relationship with the lawyer and he was being kind and not charging me any money (he's a friend of a guy I work with for like 30years) But I need him to become active and step in, I don't care if she moves out, but I do not want my house cleaned out in the process.

As long as the things taken out are itemized and agreed upon, I have no issues, we can do a co-walk through once I get home for any meaningless , but as far as the large items go, I want it managed.

I can delay it via the soldiers and sailor's relief act but what does that do for me? I get to deal with her on a daily basis for another 3 months and get pis*ed off at her, whereas if it was done, I don't have to talk to her, I don't have to worry about anything with her, its her life and she is going to do as she wants in it, she thinks that I am wrong as hel* in all of this and she is wrong in thinking that. She is projecting every single thing that she is doing onto me so she does not have to deal with all of this.

I hate her for doing this period, let alone while I am indeed gone. and yet NOW she is the one crying "we have to do this without hating each other"

Cant wait to see how long her boyfriend puts up with her before he realizes "what am I doing, she cheated on him with me, who's to say she won't cheat on me with someone else" - which with her personal ad activity, she all ready is.

The babysitters are very upset with her actions and choice to pull him from a very stable environment.

[Guest]

Thack, man I'm very sorry you can't split the scene, I feel the frustration, I would be to. I know this stuff goes on a lot during war, in did in V-nam, 100 guys in batallion, that's amazing,
its' a shame, , look I know you have friends back home that can probably do more than I can do but if you would want me to discreetly get ahold of a representative or your recruiter or sobody man please let me know. I would try and do anytning I can, ok? Hold On Sport

[WildChild]

Check with your attorney but the separation agreement should prohibit the disposal or removal of property, cancellation of insurances and requirements for shared parenting. You can put pretty much whatever applies to your specific needs in there, it is the framework for the divorce so get everything detailed. You should both have to carry term life ins with your son as beneficiary. Think long term, how are you sharing not only his time but who will cover costs of things like soccer or football or drama class, school pictures, registration fees, braces, the graduation party? What happens if one of you moves out of state? What happens if you end up in different parts of the state? You will be dealing with your STBX at least until your son graduates and probably beyond. Detailing all this will avoid future hassle and really get both of you thinking about what is important - your child.

The feelings about your ex and her behavior will go through many grieving stages including anger and hopelessness. It takes time but you have to let go of all that eventually and it sounds like you are moving that way. There are a lot of people in the world who are stuck emotionally and they end up destroying every relationship they get into. Don't do that to yourself. She is what she is, you can't change that. But together you brought into a being a wonderful little person, who will reflect some of each of you but should be entirely his own person one day. So try to set things up so neither of you can use him as tool against the other. Try to look at her with some compassion, she has problems, probably needs help, for your son's sake if no other reason. You can try to get a requirement for counseling in your separation agreement. If you have to make it a requirement for both of you, never hurts to have a trained problem solver to talk to. Your situation is particularly tough because of where you are but that is what your attorney is for. Do make a particular effort to be in contact with your son. Do you have Skype or some other internet phone set up so you can see each other when you talk? Draw pictures for him, write him stories, is any of your family where they can have visitation? If possible have them use what will be your visitation time with him, so that there is a strong connection with you and so your son is used to the idea that he will spend time with dad and with mom. They could also ensure that your son hears about you positively and sees your pics and such to keep the bond strong. If you can record stories for him, the sound of your voice is a powerful way for him to feel closer.

[thack]

<Shrug>

Well, I asked my lawyer what he thinks I should do. He says to roll with this, but we will hold her back from moving out of the house. He said its in my best interest to just get this done and it would save me thousands of dollars in the process. I paid 3grand today for his official services ><

She is being very stup1d. She had the nerve to email me today and say this:

"You know exactly why I am leaving you Tyler, it is not that you cheated, it is that you were addicted to a video game for 4 YEARS and neglected me as your wife/friend and you continued to do so once our son was born. YOU HAVE NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BALME FOR THIS! So you will hear from my lawyer when I get the list of items together. I am taking what is rightfully mine, and I will split all the other stuff down the middle, like the dishes, towels etc."

While it is partly true, with the video game thing. Its just odd that she knows I gave it up over 8 months ago and yet NOW she is doing the divorce, not back then. So, who knows.
She is being vindictive and spiteful.

I knew that was an issue, but That dose not justify her actions on any level. I will not let her get to me.

[Guest]

Hi thack, read your post - Yes she is pulling a quilt trip on you, your'e the blame and nana,nana,nana,
bla,bla,bla and all that horse ****.

I love your attitude man, keep up the good work.
I was happy to see ya on board, I'm always looking for ya to see how things are going. Hoping the rest of your day goes better!

[Lost]

First, i would like to say, i'm SO sorry you have go through this. I can just imagine all the emotions you must be going through. I'm far from being able to give you good advice but i was once married to an army man. Can you contact the Jag office where you/she is stationed to stop her until you return? I know you've already contacted a lawyer but it seems Jag would and should be able to provide you with a free service, especially considering the circumstances in distance.

I see myself in your story so i could not pass this by and not post. I see a lot of confusion and anger in her and the only place she knows to project this is on is You. I know you've figured this out already. She's so confused in her emotions she's decided to put her finger on the only thing she finds You at fault for... the game. I hope you do not take what she says and stuff it to then blame yourself for this. No one is perfect but you are not responsible for her behavior or runaway emotions.

I wish you the best in your life's journey.

The only thing that comes to mind is, God must have a different and better plan for your life. Sending prayers to you and your family.

-Jennifer