[CHANDLERS WISH]

Chaya I'm just going to be straight forward.

1. You had sexual problems with your husband as well as emotional.
2. Someone came and gave you the emotions, a lesbian.
3. She gave you a reason to believe in sex again.
4. Your husband when you told him about the affair gave you a reason to believe in sex with your husband again.

I am kinda feeling like this is a fight between do you stay with your husband or start again with a woman.

This is not un-common only your husband held you, loved you, made love to you and you felt it.

He has accepted her to stay so that means he is OK with you being with her.

Someone said, is she ok with you being with him.

Yes, your baby will be adopted by you, you need to start to see her as YOUR child darling as she is.

That has nothing to do with your happiness.

Do you give him another go? He finally saw that he was needed by you, wanted to be in discussion.. You made love and it was beautiful, remember the amount of time that wasn't the case, but remember too that he made you feel that you had to and he was drunk.

Could this be a new turn?

I don't know.

Don't throw either away take your time, men don't like to loose she seems to love you, maybe he loves you, there are unanswered questions here... Stay put and be assertive, this is your life now and you will seek and find the answers and make the right decision.

[Stillness]

I don't think he believes Kiyomi is competing for my affections.

This is the problem, to me. You're still withholding information from him. He doesnt understand the situation. Why do things halfway?

[Patti-here]

She's not doing things 'halfway' Still, in my option she's getting back to normal, her and I were posting 'quotes' to each other in the lounge.

[effy2014]

This is the problem, to me. You're still withholding information from him. He doesnt understand the situation. Why do things halfway?

I don't pretend to know all,about her situation, but Chaya is clearly more comfortable doing this in steps. Sometimes it is easier to evaluate where you are emotionally and the state of your relationships are at after the first big step. There are so many "could bes". It could be that the three of them establish a norm that is better for everyone. It could be that, given time to digest the nature of their relationship, Chaya's husband turns out not to be accepting and the new decisions must be made. It could also be that this is a catalyst for change in their relationship.

I understand your point and I think she will eventually get there or it will become clear over time.

[Patti-here]

Guys, there’s no way of getting inside her head or her bed room, but there is such a thing as reconciliation, a compromise perhaps ?

[Stillness]

Revealing things over time may not be a bad thing. Her husband is inviting this woman back into his home now though. This while he's seemingly ignorant that she's a rival for his wife's love.

He may not care. He might even be into it. Maybe he would happily view it as a chance to pursue some other relationships himself. But it's unfair and dangerous for him not to be told.

[Something_Awesome]

For those of you that don't know, Misako is not our real daughter. I am her legal guardian, she is my sisters daughter. We intend to adopt her but it hasn't happened yet.

My husband has agreed to help me talk Chisaki into staying. She did agree to come over early tomorrow before hubby goes to work.

That she is not his actual daughter does change things IMO.

[effy2014]

Revealing things over time may not be a bad thing. Her husband is inviting this woman back into his home now though. This while he's seemingly ignorant that she's a rival for his wife's love.

He may not care. He might even be into it. Maybe he would happily view it as a chance to pursue some other relationships himself. But it's unfair and dangerous for him not to be told.

You have a good point. On the other hand, if the relationship between Chaya and Kiyomi runs its course, why create the conflict. There are so many what ifs and the issue is so new, caution may be the better course. He is not totally ignorant and does not feel threatened by their sexual relationship. While he is not eyes wide open, they are not completely shut.

[jen1447]

I'd like to urge that we keep this an update/support thread for chaya and resist getting into debates about it all. We can discuss that stuff elsewhere but this is sort of chaya's lifeline to WHF backup.

Good luck with it all chaya. Please be strong and stand up for yourself and what you want. You don't have to be ashamed of that.

[chaya]

Kiyomi came over while we were eating breakfast. We talked and she said she was not going home and would attend the summer session at school. She said she needed to get her own place but would stay with us until she did. All the time we were talking she kept her head lowered and never did look my husband in the eye. He had to go to work.

After he left she told me her parents didn't want her to come home at this time. Her father "couldn't afford to have a lesbian daughter in his household" He is an elected government official. They would continue to pay for her school and living expenses and would also pay for her to get her own apartment. Then she wanted to lay down because she had been up all night. When I walked by her room I could hear her crying but was afraid to go to her because I know I would break down and make it worse.

I worry about what she might do, before I met my husband I was depressed like her with no hope. I tried to end my life by a massive injection of insulin. It was only by a quirk of fate that they found me before it was too late. We are so much alike I feel I know her and what she might do.