[cassie66]

no i dont have a car,i cant drive, he has a car he takes me to the supermarket.

ifi go anywhere he d follow. id like to go around townlooking in shops alone

all moneis in my account now soif we need anything it comes out of mine

we have to go to town today topay some bills he has already said he needs another plug socket.

i dont feelcomfortablelooking in clothes shops with him breathing down my shoulder, i know itmay seem silly, but id prefer to look alone. he d probably moan if i got something anyway. i so widh he was back at work
im going to go insane with him off work another 4 weeks
i just went upto checkon him andi said are aleep, he just said im trying to and turned over so i take that as a go away sign so here i am on the pc totallyfed up, sexually frustrated and feeling unwanted.

he rarely cookshis own meals. i even ahd to wash his hair for him last night, ashe said he cannot bedn over sink. i did suggest he d be better offin shower, but he ignored that

im doing my best and im patient, buti dont feel like his wife, just his carer.

its not fair.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

in cold water or hot?

Did you wash his hair?

It's normal that you can say stuff off, i want to go into the shops on my own......

But i am curious about the first bit.

CW

[cassie66]

yes i washed his hair over kitchen sink in warm water he says he is aallergic to hot water. refuses to have a bath. he hasnt had a shower in god knows how long getting on at him doesnt really work.
he s in bed but not asleep.
im extremley horny but no point in even going there, he just bite my head off. he is seeing phyiso again in the morning.

i wish ihadsome answers i feellonely and frustratedjust needto talk a lot it helps

he wont even touch me intimately.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Okay, I want you to think for a second alright?

Is allergic to hot water yes?

But, not warm water, nor cold yes?

Well that is just common sense....

So you "babied him" washed his hair, he didn't complain about the water did he?

So this means love, he can have a warm shower, a warm bath, a cool shower, every day...........

His Mother says what? He's like that? He controlled her, her thoughts, how she saw him, mothered him....

Now, he's doing it to you?

He can bathe.... simple, he can bathe..............

This you need to see.

CW

[cassie66]

yes he is fine with warm water. he told mehe was unbale tobend towash his own hair. also said he comes out in big blotches in hot water

his mum did everything for him she was a single parent with little money and did all for him he lived at home untilwe movedin together he has never lived with anyone before me, just his mum.
his mum said he can be moody sulky and stubborn and has a temper. she said he getshim from his dad his dad ran off when hubby was a baby.
i wish i knew where his fear on intimacy comes from.

i cannot foce him to take a bath etc. i have gotte on to him about his lack of hygeine and so has his mum. he only hears what he wants to hear.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well, it's from his childhood the insecurity.''

He has another serious problem, phobiac...

He cant wash cause he is allergic to hot water.

But Cassie, warm water? It's why I asked you... He's NOT allergic to "warm" water and gut feeling Mother is covering for spoiling her son, cause Dad left... And so, she is denying her own mistakes, through the need to heal and for love, wanting the pain to go away, that's why she states stuff like that, lt's like "your a good woman stay, it's just his thing, he'll change, she confirm's why he is what he is...." guilt herself.


His injury sweet, is going to continue why?

Cause either he is sincerely in pain.
He wants the pay he get, care about the extra you get it....
He has freedom, paid and doesn't have to work
Therefore, "lying ..............again............to get........what......he ........wants.
like he did with Mum
Or, he's a really good actor so go employ him and enjoy your millions.

HE CAN COPE WITH WATER .......THEREFORE........SHOWER......DAILY......IN WARM WATER..

How many lies sweet?

CW

[cassie66]

he has a few phobias all silly from my point of veiw like saying he is cared off the showe sincehe saw the film pyscho as akid and he thinks someone is going to kill him
he is fine in warm water he just couldnt be bothered i guess
he says he does want to get backto work says he is fed upof staring at 4 walls
he comes up with silly hair brained schemes that always involve spending money

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Think your replies = 100% my comments, re-read.

So, he doesn't want to work anymore, just dreams of being successful because he feels he's a faliure, has falts, phobies including his back hey, now that is a new one, it's bad , real bad, will never get better so let's make my life something else, sad, dream, oh i know i can be this, or i can be that... Money, Cassie where are you? You've paid for everything, come on you love me, give.

SEE?

He needs alot of help.

You can't give it to him.

I want you to confirm here and now, yes.........what ever money I get, I will not reveal, I will keep it myself and bank it.

Remember, Dad dies, there goes another hair brain scheme... See how's he thinking? take your money, Dad's money to feather a scheme that he has no idea how to plan, no business skills to apply and no study to succeed?

I SEE BANKRUPT....

CW

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Let me ad.

If he was molested as a child, (again he needs help) but, it may explain hot water, being in hot water, a phobia.

And, masterbation by himself... Sex, oral is dirty... He was molested... He sees it all as dirty but he wants to love.

Now take that aside, that only explains the hot verses warm is ok, encourage him to bathe in warmth, not hot.... And, it explains masteration verses sex, sorry but it's gone..

It aint coming back , as I said he lied at the inset about his sexuality cause no one would want him.

Non doing around the house depression.... injury get that.

Taking on the world? with no idea how to? no finances, take Cassies, she always pays? Selfishness over what was taken from him, his innocence..

So he will take.

He needs a physc.... to get him through what happened in his life, you need to stop spending your money on him, he sees it as ok and it won't change, till your bankrupt..

CW

[WildChild]

Everytime you add more to the story, it's hard not to think you just need to get out. This is why it is so important for everyone, male or female to get out on their own and be self supporting before they live with anyone. Mummy took care of everything and now you are. I bet mummy paid for a lot even though he was working? With mummy he could throw tantrums and get his knickers in a knot and get away with it and he is with you too. His pain may be very real to him but it is also a great source of sympathy and a stand up excuse for all his poor behavior. The difference between you and his mum is that he feels that he can behave even worse!

He wants a mum he can control, isn't that every kids wants - someone to pick up, cook, pay the bills, cuddle them (when they want it) and who will leave them alone when they don't want to be bothered and whom they can order around? Following you around, peering over your shoulder when you are shopping and such is a combination of insecurity and control. This man is immature, spoiled (it doesn't require lots of money to get spoiled) and passive aggressive (with occasional aggression) thrown in. You need to think about this very carefully, consider getting out before you get in any deeper. Seriously - aside from driving you - what good does he do you? He's resentful of your kids, a slob, throws tantrums, isn't proactive for his health, denies you any physical contact.....WHAT ARE YOU GETTING OUT OF THIS? You sound like a nice, caring woman, why are you willing to put up with this?