[cassie66]

he was complainng of hisprivates hurting as well now says the nerves are all connected. i know hes fed up. he tried the painkillers made him worse.the physioon thurs is his last hope

i just want our sex life to return to normal. with ahouse fulll of kids.half term,its hard to have time to use my toy. imgoingup the wall at themo and there is nothing i can do

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Keep your chin up Cassie....

My ex got himself better after a year or so, once he got passed the depression, the pain wasn't as bad after all...

You can do it.

CW

[cassie66]

i hope he s not like this for a year

[Hopeless Dork]

Try to make some time for yourself Cassie. Enlist the help of your able-bodied for some of the chores/ housework and get yourself a good book! If you can, take up a class on something that interests you - anything to get your mind off things and get you relaxed. There is so much more to life and your relationship than his ability to perform sexually. Its too bad he wasn't more open to alternative methods of pleasing you, but he is who he is.

Gotta squeeze in that time for your self-pleasuring too, keep yourself from climbing those walls. Giving him this time to recouperate, helping him through it and being there for him are all part of the package you sign when you marry. I know you didn't hope for this and surely neither did he. At least hes got a condition that he will recover from so its just a little bump in the road, you'll be over it soon.

[Hopeless Dork]

*able bodied family/friends

[sobie]

well cassie ! m in an exactly same situation for last 5 years with my husband... we have been married since 5 years and had sex countable times. same isssues he never wants to be touched, kissed or hugged instead he will push me away if i try.

and lemme tell one thing i tried to give him space...alot of space so that he turns back to me. so I tried to totally ignore sex topic from life n trying to look good, wear sexy n appealing clothes but guess what... he never turned to me in months but me being human would certainly breakup cuz i have my own desires which m pressing n not showing to make him feel fine... yes he feels fine, we have dinners, go out for long drives, watch movies, have party times BUT NO SEX, NO KISS, NO HUG...if i try he will say "cmon dont ruin the evening"

He says its my problem tht i need sex not his and so i got to resolve it. If i cry he says "is sex important to you or me" now cmon how can i compare btwn sex n him... I love him and so ready to do all compromises but at timez I really go outa ma mind...i go mad bcuz of ths crazy drive n i feel if i could just kill ths feeling frm my inside....

So ppl i know nthngs gonna work with ma hubby, but i would really really appreciate if someone can HELP ME KILL MY URGE TO HAVE SEX... many timez our relation have been on stake...i dont want that anymore so plz help me.

[Hopeless Dork]

Sobie,
Would you really want to do something to take away your natural human drive to desire and enjoy sex for a man that wont even give you a hug? Come on now, really? A kiss will ruin his evening? He agreed to be your partner, he sounds like a great roomate (long drives, movies, parties) but if thats all it is, always, not just a dip in the road but the way it is.

That is not a marriage. If kissing him makes your night but ruins his and he wont even compromise do it half the time to make you happy (not even talking sex here, just basic intimacy on any level) it has to be his way ( which is NO way) always.. then you really need to think about counseling.

I don't know how old you are, but it makes no difference how old if you want to resign yourself to spending every day of your life receiving zero affection from the man you love is one thing, to look for a cure to deaden your insides in order to tolerate spending this time is a big clue that you need to exam your own priorties, not just his. Marriage counseling an option for you guys?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Cassie, and Sobie,


Hopeless Dork, says it well.. (why she thinks she is a dork and hopeless?) pftt.. anyways... jk.

You get to a point whereby you stop all this.

You can't be bothered anymore, trying to get him to kiss you , hold you, cuddle you even if no sex is involved, these are called "intimate moments", ones that make you feel loved, do you both not see the importance in this for success?

Kill your sex drive? Why because one man has said it your fault?

Climb the walls? Cassie, I know you feel if you walked, you have failed, which is NOT true. And, I know it's just not the sex as in penetration, you have stated on other threads all he will not do.

Girls, sometimes we choice the "wrong partner" in life.

Think carefully, you love them? Then rattle off all the ways they make you feel loved, (before an injury) as well, you have to understand pain, regardless, do you feel loved? Did you feel loved before?

Holding back on kissing / cuddles / hugs / is control.. I don't have to so bad luck lady.....deal with it....

But, they then make you feel that it's your fault, don't they come home to you? What else do you want?

And, so you feel it's your fault.

We chose the wrong partners, simple and then we settle, and then we can't get out of it because they "control" your thoughts in the matter, make you feel bad...

If this makes sense to either of you, then I hope you don't spend the rest of your lives with the same person, because change takes two people, not one and if one is not willing to change, (compromise) be it the better word, then seriously, it aint going to happen.

1 year Cassie? Actually, it was 7 without being kissed....

It was never, pertaining to intimacy, it was sex and that was rare because I don't need sex, like most women, we want to be loved.

If your not feeling the love..... scare the out of them... walk.... and see if they come around, if not.... time to move on....

I did................

CW

[sobie]

thanx gals for ur concerns...

m 27 years old with a 2 year old boy. Honestly speaking many times i almost decided to just end it up... but i dont want my kid to suffer, usually parents do get settled even after separation but all these things make a very bad effect on kids personality n i dont want that for my baby....

yea i do wish i had taken some step before having him but i always thought and hoped that things would change...he would understand me at some point... but as the times passing he is becoming more rigid in his actions and totally not flexible. M doing a good job and can easily support my child without any financila issue but thts not the only thing.... a child needs a father too... n what would i say i left his father bcuz he could not do sex or he never kissed me...???

Its not so easy...ive been through ths topic so many timezz... trust me its so so hurting, depressing and stressful to stay wid a person whom u love, u care, but get no affection in response.... but he is so caring .... i mean beside LOVE making, he has everythng a woman can ask for... thats another problem which doeant let me get separate... i dont wana let him down infront of our families cuz i dont have any other issue beside his this rejecting nature.

AND HONESTLY FOR HIM I AM READY TO KILL MY FEELING OF SEX DRIVE...instead of ruining my, his and kid's life its better to kill the desire... God has left me wid NO choices... the BIG question here is HOW TO DO IT....MAN... its so painful i swear...!!!

[missyann]

I started a post very similar to this a while back and I am still dealing with this problem (for about 6 months now). Chandler's Wish, your post has helped me because I have been struggling with the idea of breaking up with my bf for a long time. I tell myself that breaking up with someone because he won't have sex with me is selfish, but I guess we all have to be selfish at times. I'm tired of pestering, begging, and doing whatever I can to turn him on. I've straight out asked him to please me instead, but he has refused. CW's suggestion of holding sex as a mean of control hits home to me. I believe that as long as I keep pointing out our lack of intimacy, he will continue to withhold it. He promised me intimacy on valentines day, and when the day came, he told me he didn't want to have sex because we had previously talked about it. The hardest part about it is knowing that I use to give him bj's and sex even when I wasn't in the mood. There were days when I absolutely hated sex, but I still gave in without complaint. Why can't we all ask the same from them?