[Hopeless Dork]

Does he ever make you happy inside Cassie? Does your heart still pitter patter around him in any way?
Try thinking up and listing your favorite hubby moments, times when he put a smile on your face or in your heart.

What is the last nice thing he said to you? When is the last time he complimented you on anything? When is the last time he made a sacrafice for you, small or big, where he put himself last and you first?

When is the last time he reached for your hand, and held it?

When is the last time he asked you how you were feeling or how your day was, and genuinly wanted to hear the answer?


I ask because I hope there are answers to put there, from all of your statements I see no positives that hes brought to your life, but we only know what you are telling us, so is there a good side to him? A light shining somewhere in there, anywhere?

[cassie66]

i dnt getgoose bumps if thats what you mean
our wedding day was happy although we didnt make love for 3 nights he was tired
he holdsmy hand when wegoout
i cannot remember the last time he asked how i was etc
im sure he genuinlyl oves me

its normally me who cooks cleans etc

he is so lad back it drivesme nuts lol
if ajob need doingi do it straigt away where he would say doit later that d rives me nuts

[WildChild]

Quit picking up the slack for him. If there is something He needs to do, leave it alone. If it doesn't get done, let it be his problem. I made this mistake with my recent ex, he was a slob, I cleaned up, he didn't make calls, I took care of things. This is a toughie because you have to balance when to draw the line. When the bills didn't get paid and we started getting demand notices, I did take care of it - he got POd. Tough.

I cleaned up the skid marks, over and over - he never saw them.Then I got tired of it and replaced the darker wood toilet seat with a white one, so it was more noticable. He did better after that and everyone else had been using the other bathroom anyway because of it. Just leave what you can alone, let his dirt pile up a bit, he's not appreciating it so leave it go, see what happens. You two sound almost like Onslow and Daisy, she's always cozying up and he's never interested!

[cassie66]

he is quite a slob always leaving dirty washing on floor evertything inside out etc never cleans uponly me cleans bathroom

[jss2000]

Lol...I like WC's idea here. If you want to create some appreciation for something you do for him...take it away!
Think even further than just cooking and cleaning--what else do you do that makes his life comfortable? Making sure the Cable TV bill gets paid each month? Buying foods that he likes? Anything else that might motivate him to shoulder a little more of the household burden?

[cassie66]

i shall list all his good and bad points seeif any of you can identitfy with any of these

good points

great at diy
caring
loyal
9in penis (when it actually works lol)
doesnt smoke/drink/do drugs etc
woud never cheat or look at other women
a wor kaholic (when he is at work)

badpoints

goes weeks without washing/showering/shaving/wash hair/teeth
wears same underpants/socks 4 days in a row
is completely oblivious to any mess on floor/worktops etc says what mess?i didnt see any

doesnt notice overflowing bins/rubbsih
bad memory has had several late payment charges on bills he forgets to pay so i deal withall monies now
hasmood swings
tantrums/sulks like a child
stubborn
never does gardening
says ironing is women s work
thinks oral sex/french kissing is immoral
says womens smell down below is disgusting
leaves dirty washing in big piles on floor
never notices mess
never cleans out his chincillas/food/water(they would have starved if i dont do it
says he is allergic tohot water
never washes up

[cassie66]

he had a childish tantrumlast night alllover a tin of ravioli
he wanted a tin for teaso did my daughter isaid wehave 2 tinsso no prob you would ahe thought

diff brands of ravioli both wanted heinz

daughter won
hubby stormed upstairs in a sulk said i will starve
i tried to talk to him he saidhe was staying upstrairin principle says i wanted that tin i sawit first!
i said i d buy another he said no i lstarve stayed up there ages

he can have up 23of these tantrums a week
how childish
usedto upset me thought it wasme

[rcoreyus]

Casie: The good points you list -
diy (sorry what does that mean)

caring - not from what you have said. He doesn' seem to care about you at all. Not your physical needs, Says hurtful things.

Loyal - (in what way). When has he supported you to his own disadvantage?

9in penis - since he doesn't want to use it, who cares.

Doesn't smoke / drugs, etc. That isn't a good point that is a lack of those particular bad points.

Won't cheat - no surprise, he doesn't like sex.

workaholic (when at work???). But does he have a good job? Often it sounds like you are paying for things.

And, in you next post - did he really argue with your daughter over which can of ravoil? How old is your daughter?

Cassie - YOU are the loyal caring one, not him.

[cassie66]

es he did she is 17

[Ashlee T.]

Rcoreyus hit the nail on the head...again.

He cares for you? Please elaborate..what is it that he does that makes you feel cared for?

I don't know what DIY means other than (do it yourself) and I'm pretty sure that's not what you meant.

I too would like to know in what way you consider him loyal? Is it because you said he'd never cheat or look at other women? Perhaps that could be because he seems to have no sexual desire whatsoever.....but wait, didn't you say he likes to please himself and likes for you to please him (without sex)?? So, I think you'd be surprised.......when a man has sexual desires, but wants nothing to do with his own wife....I certainly wouldn't say "He'd never cheat or look at other women."

You're seeking answers from others, but the truth is, you haven't quite had enough of this yet. You're not happy, you're not feeling loved, desired, cared for....you're not experiencing the things a married couple should get to experience together. But you're not ready to admit that yet....you're not ready to admit that you think your husband doesn't love you. What you have is another child to take care of that brings in a paycheck now and then. I'm sure you're a great mother so this role comes naturally to you, but he's your HUSBAND and you're expecting nothing more than you'd expect from a 3 year old child. Keep doing it, he'll keep living the life.

I think you need to rethink the good/bad points. The good points you list don't even seem valid, more like superficial labels with no warrant. Think about it....be honest with yourself and try the whole pro/con thing again.