[CHANDLERS WISH]

You got to start laughing I reckon and say pftttt....

Do me a fav... He aint going to give you jack shirt, don't touch his dirty doodle whats, cause he aint going to touch your clean lovely whats...

I am not going to go into all that stuff about abuse cause you already know... It's not what you need anymore.

Seems he knows you can't go anywhere as it's all yours..

Just keep saving so you can hit him in they eyes in the near future... keep working on your resume and ask your kids to help you as well.

Give him nothing financially ok...

Give him nothing sexually.

You can hold out for a couple months you know you can you already are..

Now start smiling and saying you'll get yours soon sweetheart and guess what? I will get laid 10 fold with all i want from someone else as soon as i can get out of this h.. hole.

Give nothing....

This is your life you only have one..

Next time don't marry just sit back and be sure, go to his house not him living in yours you will be ok.


Ok

Now for the bad news, I am on leave for 2 weeks, but rest assure i will jump on from timet to time...

Be safe, start smiling for your future is awaiting lady.

CW

[cassie66]

i will not ask hi again.

his back has been a lot better last few days,hs sick note runs out in 20 days so all been well he will be back at work
i want tosee if i have got the money for the ticket i soldon ebay i wantto move accounts andput itin there and try save some child allowance money, but while he is at home i accnnot do it ashe would come with me seemy prob? im nottrying tomake excuses, banks are in town, 2miles a way i would get a bus but he would say why whe i have a car you see where i am going? i need him away so i can get to town alone and change banks. i have an old isaa accont sitting emppty ican use that,but not whilehe is behing me in the queue!

i have a plan now i shall just concentrate on that. iknowhe is after my ticket money to buy him a musical ticket heis not having it.
have a break are you going onn holiday?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Yes my darlin I am... as well as spending time with my man, whom i love....

Well fib,, say I am going to mums,what ever, to get you where you need to go to do what you need to do...

Doubt he would want to go to your mum's sometimes you need to fib... so fib... you take care, I will log on from time to time and see how you are, ok...

CW

[Hopeless Dork]

don't touch his dirty doodle whats, cause he aint going to touch your clean lovely whats...
CW

Too bad this wouldn't fit on a Tshirt.

Best. Quote. Ever.

[Guest]

so its your house,and all your stuff?

THROW HIM OUT FOR THE LOVE OF PETE!!!!!!!!

[cassie66]

cw
my dad lives to far away and my mums dead
i dnt have an excuse to go out ashe d followme
hopefully he be backat work soon
have a nice time

yes its all my stuff
i cant throwhim out cos i couldnt afford the bills/rent alone

[WildChild]

You know Cassie, I did a lot of this. I couldn't leave because.... he's sick, he's depressed, my car needs work don't have money to fix and we lived miles out of town, my kids school, out of the real job market too long, there is always an excuse. The thing we often fail to see is the the flip side of the excuse may be a reason to do it.

How healthy is this situation for your kids, what are they learning from your example? Are they seeing how a good realtionship works? Are they seeing a better relationship than you had with their father? Are they seeing how a woman can own her life? Take charge? Get things done? Be proactive?

You've provided and paid and feel he owes you? Do you throw good money after bad? Despite all you've put in, you are still dependant on him financially? So he may feel he has the upper hand regardless, he can see that at some point you will run through what you have and the child support will end and then Where Are You??! Exactly where you are now but more so - Under His Thumb! You think he is belittling you now and putting you down and restricting you? WHat do you think it will be like when you are truly completely dependant on him?

Is your care enabling him? Letting him stay sick? Letting him get away with not doing his therapy and indulging in ever more restrictive phobias? What happens when the 20 days are up and he claims he is still in too much pain to work and they get the reports from the care providers that he isn't doing what he is supposed to, to recover? What if he ends up unemployed? Or what if at some point he is declared permanently disabled and you will be with him 24/7, dealing with it?

You and I know we have some remarkable parellels in our situations. You have been a mirror to me, to see more clearly what I did. Now will you let me be one to you? I got out and while I still have some very ugly stuff I'm dealing with, with my kids father, I'm moving forward. It isn't easy but it is SO worth it! You can do this, take all that energy you are putting into enabling others - enabling your husband, enabling your kid's laziness, making life on a thread work and all that takes a LOT of energy - I know (cuz I did it) and start using that energy smarter and more positively to your benefit.

Is there anyplace else in the house you could comfortably sleep? Fix up a little space of your own? Do it! Instead of letting him divide the bed like we did sharing a bed with a sister when we were 8, leave the bed. (LOL see the movie - It Happened One Night - you could divide the bed) Let him sleep in it alone or kick him out of it, maybe a few nights on the couch would do him good. Never know, it might help his back. Quit enabling him, quit doing things for him. Talk with your kids, firm but pleasant, there have to be some changes, they are old enough to help out, give them chores and have consequences for not doing them. This is not just about making things easier for you. these are life skills and habits they need.

This man is playing with you, torturing you, he gets a sense of power out of your frustration. Thwarting your sexual desires feeds him, you want it so bad, even if you never get it, you still want it all the time - what a power rush for him! WOW! Look at how much power you are handing him.

Why does he have to know you are going anywhere? Why do you need an excuse? You aren't 10. When he is doing whatever he does, just go. You're a grown up. Walk out the door. 2 miles is a nice stroll, good exersize, good time to think, enjoy the weather whatever it is. Or hop on the bus, it's not a big deal, kids do it, you can. So he pitches a fit, he does that anyway. Who cares? Besides you? When a child has a tantrum there are two good ways to deal with it, one is to walk away- ignore it - don't feed it. The other is to give it a good belly laugh. Start being a true adult, not just grown up. You have to let go of your expectations of what a relationship is supposed to be like, you haven't got it. The movies are all some writer's fantasy - they probably don't have it either. Let go of the marriage expectations and start Living Your Life!

THIS IS IT. YOUR LIFE.
Every moment that is gone cannot be made over, it is and will be what it is, for eternity. You can plan and build for the future, learn from the past but you can only live right now, ever and always. So how's you right now looking? How do you want the rest of your right nows to look? What are you doing to get there? You can do this lady! But it won't just happen and it won't be easy but it can be fun, enriching and rewarding. No more excuses!

[sourpuss]

cw
my dad lives to far away and my mums dead
i dnt have an excuse to go out ashe d followme
hopefully he be backat work soon
have a nice time

yes its all my stuff
i cant throwhim out cos i couldnt afford the bills/rent alone

Can you put an ad in the paper for a roommate?

[Hopeless Dork]

Can you put an ad in the paper for a roommate?

That is probably the best idea yet. Cassie that is what you have right now, a roomate.. a bad roomate. One that fights with your kids about ravioli tins, doesn't do his share around the house and degrades you any chance he gets.

Why not find a roomate to come in and help with the bills? That really is a great idea. The kids won't have to change schools, bills will still get paid and you wont have this jerk controlling your every move and making you feel like all the time.

[WildChild]

What great idea!