[308dulce17]

the same

even to customer service im the one who calls. he wont talk unless im not an authorized user than he needs to do it. it sucks,

[cassie66]

wieid or what.

i want to tell you about his so called health probs/ilnesses
when i first met him he toldmeabout his 3 hear attacks brain disorder(yet he wasnever hospitialised) said he had had pnemonia, arthristis, said he broke oth his knees as a kids jumping a wall broke hisankle etc whiplash bad shoulder pains due to minorcar accident
yet when wemoved here and registered as new patient at doctors he hadto fill in a formabout health probs he ticked the no box any serious injury! he willl tell anyone who will listenabout his " heart attacks" is he a attention seeker?

also theres the hair brained schemes/daft ideas get rich quick schemes
a coupleofmonths back he decide to make ahome made sump for hisfish tanks he wasted many trips todiy store andacrylic/pipes plumbing bits etc itdidn not work in the end thus wasting my money! its now rotting in the garage!
another idea he has just comeup with is you knowthe amusement arcade, 2p slot machines he sadwhy notbuy a sheet of copperand a press and make our own money! also buy a magnet, hasit attracts copper sohe can put magnetin his pocketand press it up to glass of arcades and then allmoneis will fall out!

iwent up to him earlier and suggested he have a shower since it has been 5 weeks and hs hair is like achip pan anddandruff fallingon his shoulders making himitch he has bad spots/acne on hs back he said idnt want too i notdirty its too coldi may slipand hurt my back worse! excuses!

another irrataing thingis he calls me "dear" grr! put kettle on dear, dinner on dear fetch/get etc dear!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

he ticked the no box any serious injury! he willl tell anyone who will listenabout his " heart attacks" is he a attention seeker?

goodness YESSUM................

But you know that now, just you didn't know that before cause they can prove, false from reality xx

Casssssssiiiieeeee.......

[cassie66]

i l just have to ignore him

[craigrobert]

so your saying i should back off and wait for him to approach me?

Hello there Cassie,just a thought but have you thought that because your loved one says that you only want him for sex it may be because you need to spend more quality time with him doing other things together,ie start a hobby together that you both love,go for walks together,or the theatre perhaps.But most of all stop pushing for sex,if you do this i'm sure he will take notice and then when he asks you about it just tell him that you love him and you'll wait until he's ready hopfully then if you can find common interests outside sex this will bring you closer together in the long term.

[cassie66]

we do spend time togetherhe cant domuch at mo with ad back

[WildChild]

Craig this might be good advice in some cases but go back and read this thread. The guy is a loser and a user. He doesn't care about her, only about what she can do for him.

Cassie, you are enabling him. Every time you reveal more info, it gets clearer. WHAT is keeping you from booting him out? How can you keep loving someone like this? I caught a few mins of the movie Airplane this morning. One stewardess was crying and a man was encouraging her to be strong and she said, I'm only 26 and I've never been married and now I might die." Then another woman came in and said something like, well we might die but at least I have a husband! I thought of you and some of the other women on here and who I've met, who seem to think pretty much the same way. Being married is not the objective in life! Having a good, supportive relationship would be a wonderful and I believe that we get a great deal of personal growth in a relationship. Someday I hope to have a good one. But being on your own is far better than being used and abused, better to never marry or live with someone than that!

Child support is supposed to help support your kids not your next spouse. The kids should never be made to feel that they have to support the household, that is your job as the adult. Getting this guy out of your life would be a short term difficulty which beats the heck out of long term misery. You aren't going to fix him. This is what I call a Dr Seuss mess, so big and so deep and so tall, there is no way out, no way at all. Unlike The Cat in the Hat, you don't have a Thing 1 and Thing 2 to dig you out. You have to do it. I know it's not easy - I've been there. But once you've gotten through the process of getting him out you will feel so much better and so much freer - you won't believe it!

Think about this, how you are living. How many years of this do you want? He's not likely to get better, if anything it will get worse. What happens when he won't go out of the house anymore? Then who will drive you? Get a buddy to start teaching you to drive yourself if that is your dependency issue! Take a bus or get a bike- what did you do before you had this oaf in your life?

I can understand being crazy horny - been there, but how could you want a man you describe ,"i went up to him earlier and suggested he have a shower since it has been 5 weeks and his hair is like a chip pan and dandruff falling on his shoulders making him itch he has bad spots/acne on hs back" At least lust after someone worth desiring! You really want any part of him on you or in you? If you saw someone like that walking down the street would you be saying, "Oh that's for me !" I doubt it.

Is there anyplace you can get out and meet people? The community center, school, a church. You need to socialise with some normal people. You seem like a good person, look at how many people on here are concerned and care about you! There are people in your neighborhood who will care too. You may find that your kids do better in school without this mess at home. It does sound like he has misrepresented his history and health, he's doing it to gain sympathy. Going along with it won't help. He needs one of two things, either professional help or a kick in the rear. If you had 10 or 20 or 30 good years with this man and all this started your reluctance to get out would be more understandable. But you haven't. Honestly, how much good time have the two of you had ? Has he ever physically attacked you or one of your kids? How long do you think it will be before that happens?

Every layer you reveal more that is of concern. This man is not a normal person. Not at all. Think about it, how many people do you know who act anything like he does? Who have even half his phobias? You can't fix this. Love can't fix this. Maybe years of therapy....

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Wildchild
Every layer you reveal more that is of concern. This man is not a normal person. Not at all. Think about it, how many people do you know who act anything like he does? Who have even half his phobias? You can't fix this. Love can't fix this. Maybe years of therapy....

What is good though Cassie, is that you are talking... Your bringing it all to the surface and by doing so, you are seeing the "complete" picture, I am kind of hoping there aint much more to share, seriously.

Yes, you have to ignore and get a job and tell him to go back to his mothers.

[cassie66]

thanks all. i do listen and undertsand where you are allcoming form, and imgladi ahve you all to share and help me through this
no he has never hit me or the kids

heis supposed to go back to docs this morning to chat about pain meds, but hubby asked me to cancel appointment

if ichuck him out, who would pay half the rent? bills etc? my child maintenence pays half rent and 2 weeks out of every 4 of the food biil. iknowits not ideal using kids child allowance, but i havee no other money. even the kids have had a moan a few times saying that money is for them hubby has replied ok then you take the money and we ll live on thestreets homelessbutyou l still ahve your money etc sarcastically.
hubby says that money is used on them, it keeps a roof over there head and feeds them
kidsdo keep asking me for clothesbus fair etc, buti dnt have it to give.

before i met him ii didnt have much about £1500 a month, i stll ahd sameblls asnow, but less assmaller house, i gave them what i could, never bee much as i never earnt a fortune, i walked, or got bus.
i did have driving lessons, and falied 3 times. i lost my nerves. at the moment, i cannot afford anymore lessons

i dnt know anyone in this neighbourhood. onlytime we go out is to go supermarket, town to pay bills etc and maybe the dump with the rubbish. he d takemeout ifi asked, but i d be paying.
he gets up, themsits down goes on pc and thats it!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

You know, my tears go out to you... I have never said that in all the time I have been here, I do now.

You had money but you gave it to him, $24k... A wedding and now a funeral only not real, rather one that you need, (closure).

Your need for sex, is the need for "all you gave with nothing in return, just something, make me feel special for all I have done, and you don't have that either".

I want you to talk to your Father and see if you can move in with him and I want you to tell him the truth, including, that your now husband is waiting for him to die to get his house.

Your Father has already stated that he wants you to "own a house" and so therefore, will leave you this....

Your Father, is your lifeline, as much as you don't believe me, I'm going with gut feeling here.

There will be no room... You will all have to share... this is also my feeling but I want you to tell him "Dad, I really need you", "I made a huge mistake and it's cost me and I can't cope anymore, nor can my children".

From there, you need to find that job I don't care if your cleaning, nor should you, start saving, get your money back from that holiday.

You need to get out of there, now.

You are hoping for all these outcomes that will never eventuate, never....

He cancelled appointments, as I said, his Mother really does know exactly who he is she lived with him like you are, and she offers no support to you because she doesn't want to live with this again... She did, she doesn't want to again.

YOUR CHILDREN really need you to be strong right now.... They are suffering, you are suffering....

CW