[cassie66]

im sorry if i am keepimg you up and if im a pain i ahve no one to talk to but you sorry if i have said a few wrong word hubbys words not mine
i contacted gas company and said i will be late paying it they said ok. so i shall ignore him from now on
everytime i aSK him to do something for me, he says he is too tired, got back/leg/knee/head ache is he just saying that cos he doesnt want to do anything for me?

he has the nerve to say im selfish no im not! he leaves his dirty washing all over, never does any cleaning when i aSK for his help he says im busy
i feel miserable sorruy if im a nuisance
night

[WildChild]

Looks like a busy time while I was sleeping! Worked until midnight and have to get back at it this morning. I have a dealine.
Cassie we know how hard it is to hear him yell. My kids dad was that way too. I lived with it for 9 years. He was BP/BPD in addition to being a jerk, totally unpredictable, everything was my fault. It's hard, you have been conditioned to respond to this, to placate, to try to make peace. I suspect dispite how strong your mother was you expereinced some degree of this growing up, moved into a more overt form with your first marriage and then found another man who no matter how much you dislike it, is comfortable. It's what you know how to live with!

Think of it this way - no matter what you do, he will find fault and yell. Suppose you pay now? You will head off this yelling and what happens when the gas is due and your money is gone? He "knows" you have 1000 and that it can't last much longer. What then? He's bought steak, wanted to go bowling and such, probably he spent on something and now he wants his mother/wife to pay, it's what women have always done in his life. It only words dear, only words. They can hurt but you can withstand it.

[WildChild]

ok i hear you and i have said to him many times s its my account you ncant make me he just always has an answer for everything like you l do as your told woman
well he cant touch my savings account as ive swapped it to another and im awaiting new details in the post but he doesnt know that
we have to pay the council tax today he said last night he can give me 300 so i l take council tax out of that i have had some tax credits go in today but thats towards the gas bill and mondays child ben will pay food bill so i cannot pay his charges

"Do as you're told, woman" Isn't an answer, it's an order. It doesn't involve reasoning, it doesn't warrent a polite response and certainly doesn't need to be followed! If he is overdrawn how is he going to give you 300 for the council tax? That doesn't add up.

I know this is hard but how much harder will it get as time passes? When all your money from your divorce is used up and child support is no longer coming in? You have to find some sort of employment. What is in walking distance? Forget being driven. Walking is good for you, get rid of those thunder thighs (LOL) then he can worry about other guys checking you out as you head down the street! You are on your way to creating a separate life from him, for a while it may be in the same house but you have to get 'separate' since you aren't able to move yet. You aren't in a posistion to be a full time housewife and mother anymore.

Have you talked with the landlord about getting a roommate after your soon to be ex moves back in with his mum? I bet they won't mind, the biggest expense in the rental business is what we call turn around costs, the cost of cleaning up, repairing, advertising and renting a vacant unit. Believe me (I"m in property management) if we have a decent tenant who pays their rent and takes care of the property, we'd much rather keep them than have to find another.

[WildChild]

You paid an insane amount for your wedding and some other stuff, why not start telling him he 'owes' you for 'his' share of those costs? Fight fire with fire?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Cassie,

Never apologise to me for what you say, or that i answer, i do because i care, and i want to.

I was just tired, that's all and was saying goodnight.

Plus he really is getting to me, not you, him... I so wish I lived there, I would come over and give him a piece of my mind haha.

Have a read what Wildchild wrote to you, good advice and I will see you tonight, (my night), when you get to sign back on.

I am proud of you and I am glad you come here so don't stress, we are here, twas but a long day yesterday that's all.

No need to say sorry, think of it like a telephone, I was simply saying goodnight...

smile.

CW

[cassie66]

wild child

he has an overdraft limit of 2000 pounds, he only got paid 1,108 this month and he needs 800 for his debts
i was right with my sums, he was 38 overdrawn, not my fault, yes he shouted, ranted and raved saying i was wrong, but i wasnt, what it was was his account should have shown he was 882 od like i said. but it said 930od the bank had charged him 28 as a charge for going overr his 2ooo od limit why. cos it wasnt a bill that had gone out, the bank had charged him 10 pound interest for the privilage of having a overdraft facility!
he still blamed me, said i shouldnt haver taken his account that close to the limit, i had to take som eout to pay a bill or we would have cut off, but he didnt seem to listen or care, just said your paying!! i said im not, its not my account, not my fault bank charged you interest i didnt know that would happen, ist the banks fault, so he said right in that case your not having 300 your having 250 and that wil cover my charges and that exactly what he did!

i paid council tax and when we go shopping tomorrow all that will be left of that money is £30! and he also said next month you can mange on 100 for that!
i need a min of 500 from him for the month and he knows that, ive been having to pay rest from my kids money

i took 20 pounds from that because my daughter needed some shoes lots of holes in them, anmd a bra he said im starving she can have 15 and bought a pizza!

anyway later than evening he as usual was messing with pcs, i just asked a simple question like what are you doing and he replied isnt it obvious! dnt ask stupid questions
he was getting into a passworded account he said its so easy and i can get into yours if i though u had anything to hide! i said i dnt have anything to hide and he sdaid i know you only go on rubbish websites! phew so he doesnt have a clue i post on here im just scared that he may find these posts one day

anyway morning all cw
hope you slept well.

kids are on there easter break now until the 20th. he is at work until 230, i l contrinue to come on here anytime he is not about
all you are all i have

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hello Sunshine...

Well have you saved this site in favourites? If so delete it and just remember the password and i assume he can't know what that is.. Plus you only post daily so if he looked he wouldn't know what to look for and honestly who gives a rats?

He is getting worse, i think.. He is now controlling the money to the extent ( smiling to himself) that he soon will say you can have NO money.

Why?

Because it's control.. childish behaviour.

He knew you were waiting for him to start work and then the moment he does he cuts the money down for that week, then tells you it will be less next week.

See what he is doing? Within 4 weeks he will have a reason to give you nothing at all, in his mind off course.

So we need to start jumping hurdles instead of only talking.. I think, and sharing, I know you have and are looking into things so you can work things out more.

I know you have opened a private bank account that he doesn't know about " did your pin number come?"

So, who else do you know out there, ie) no Brothers or Sisters no close friends?

Have you looked into housing ( I know about the kids bit) but this is going to get very hard in the next few weeks.

CW

[cassie66]

i have no brother or sisters no freinds either
no my new bank details have not come yet, im hoping they will come with todays post if not i shall have to keep an eye for post man and hope he doesnt see ive no idea how long banks take to send my details.
i just wish my holiday money would come, been waiting over 6 months now

he cannot refuse to give me some money as that is what pays for petrol,bills food etc and he knows this he was just been childish

last night i asked him for a cuddle thats all and he said shh im trying to sleep, here i am flogging my guts off to earm money for this family and all you can think of is sex! i asked for a cuddle not sex! so i turned over and fell asleep
i just wanted to be held and he couldnt even do that!

there are private rentals as well as housing association and council properties i looked at a lot of places up fopr rent yesdterday online, most you need an income or they wont take you on, very few take the unemployed council may as rent much cheaper
i l find out more at law centre monday

i went to eldest parents evening last night and they told me how well she is doing and said the world is her oyster and she could go tpo any university in the world and there pleased she has settled so well since she s had a lot of disruptrion in her life
how can i possibly move them from that school now? she has a levels in may

you have to live within the catchment area bout 2 miles so go to that school so id have to find a house in same area

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Grrr... Well then 1) the love of your children is why you are there BUT, BUT big BUT, you have to remember, he has no where to go and can't leave.

So that means that he does not have FULL control at all over all this, and I am suspecting that is why he is really getting nasty, through fear of you saying get..

You have to stand up for yourself, for instance, you only asked for a cuddle, why can you not turn around and say, get over yourself, i only asked for a cuddle, your not afraid that he will hit you are you?

If not, then all you will do is shock him.. You see the more control you give him the more he breaks you down and the harder it is for us/or anyone to help, does that make sense?

We are young Cassie, your kids are doing well, you have been a great mother, you are a great mother, and so you sacrifice but not to the extent of being abused verbally, remember, I remember... well I don't i pity him actually but I did experience it.

What about abused victims? google that.. You can get free councelling and maybe more advice. What about "shared accomodation?" I know there are three of you, but have you searched what's available?

It sucks that you have no other family/friends, you must have had some friends before you married this man surely?

CW

You have nothing to lose there.

[cassie66]

i did have this site in my favs i deleted it
the pc remembers all my passwords. abuse victims are surely those who get hit/raped etc? no he has never hit me
i know he likes his own way
im trying not to give him power i ndt mean too

if i find a new place he will have no choice but to move in with his mum he cannot afford this place alone
he keeps saysing you cant cope without me etc oh but i can i was alone 14 months before he came into my life
my long time freind i met on a fram when i was 20 i ,lost touch not seen her since my elsest was very young as i moved house a lot with hubby no 1 any freinds i made i lost touch
this house here is right next door to the school there are a group of 5 new houses all rentals next door is empty
i dnt really go out, no money