[cassie66]

because of my kids. there in middle of a levels and gcse s they have just settled, i cannot uproot them agian
and hubby says he loves me when i ask
he may improve in his ways

and at the mo i haveno way of supporting my kids, i have no job or money. also hubby cant pay rent without my help and vice versa
i ask myself if i ever won the lottery would i tell hubby? the answer prob not i think id run

[WildChild]

Good point HD. What keeps you there? What is good? How was it before he was in such pain? And why on earth if doesn't want to participate does he have a problem with you pleasuring yourself?

[cassie66]

sex was always the same. even wen well he would say things like im tired not in mood got headache etc and say im sex mad

he always likes me to pleaseure him and go down on him always he wont do the same for me says its disgusting

im here cos i have 3 kids i cannot mess them about. i moved my kids 70 miles away changed schools and there freinds

[rcoreyus]

Just some thoughts in no particular order:

I'm not sure that staying in a relationship because of children is a good idea. Children do need a father or mother, but they also need to see a loving relationship. Children can be very sensitive to stress between their parents. Forty years later I remember some issues between my parents. They never yelled or fought, but I could tell something was wrong. Of course at that age I had no idea what - just knew things were not right.

An injury is no excuse for not being intimate with your partner. If you have a working hand, mouth, or foot you can at least try to please them. If you are completely paralyzed, you can still encourage them to please themselves, and let them know how eager you are to get better so you can do it for them.

"Tired" is a tired excuse. Someone keeps themselves busy all day ,and then is too tired for sex in the evening? Sex doesn't need to take that much effort.

Even if you aren't particularly interested in sex at a particular time, you should enjoy doing nice things to your partner. If you love them, their pleasure is a reward in itself.

Sex is important, even vital to a relationship. Try to imagine a "romantic" evening with someone of the same sex (unless you are gay, in which case imagine with someone of the other sex).

This discussion group has made me very sad. I had though my problems were very unusual, but it sounds like there are a lot of unhappy couples out there.

[cassie66]

he is not their dad andhe is always reminding me of that too! at the moment he isnt ding anything to get tired just on his pc or playing games all day yet he claimshe is too tired to make love and doesnt feel like touching me cos 1,, it turns him off 2, he is not in te mood 3he has to be in the mood to touch me 4, its immoral 5, i dont want to

[WildChild]

Oh dear. How is it immoral? I'm curious, this is a new twist in this. He does sound depressed. Why some reverse psy? Quit asking or doing anything the least bit sexy/sexual/arousing, completely back off for a few weeks and see what happens?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

You do in-deed keep adding twists there Cassie....

he is not their dad andhe is always reminding me of that too! at the moment he isnt ding anything to get tired just on his pc or playing games all day yet he claimshe is too tired to make love and doesnt feel like touching me cos 1,, it turns him off 2, he is not in te mood 3he has to be in the mood to touch me 4, its immoral 5, i dont want to

What the?

How far has he really bought you down?

How much now do you really not want him to touch you, just the feeling of sex?

Why on earth do you want a baby with this man? He disrespects your children, they are not his?

Why on earth would you want to stay in a house where the children don't feel they have a Daddy?

Why do you want a guy who says, "you don't turn me on?".

Cassie, if you won a lottery and would run, then you must fun away in which you can do so now.

I suspect that he knows 100% that YOUR STUCK, and as such talks down to you at every opportunity.

He is purely "living" in a house, you are just a person there as well and the kids don't matter what so ever.

You are doing more damage to these 3 kids by staying...

I don't know what the options are where you live, pertaining to assistance if single on your own with three children, with finances, or housing, nor do I know what type of job you could get, if you could, nor how old they are.

But, fact:-

They can not feel loved in this house.
You do not feel loved in this house.

And, in those stances, you don't stay in a relationship because your not giving them any hope in the future of what married life really is.

If he states he loves you, he may be stating it, to ensure you don't leave, whilst at each opportunity, putting you down at the same accord so you feel useless, un-attractive, bringing you down ...

CW

[rcoreyus]

In my book, when you marry someone you become the father of their children, and take on all the responsibilities (and benefits) that come with that. I'm sorry, but his overall attitude and behavior seem contemptible.

he is not their dad andhe is always reminding me of that too! at the moment he isnt ding anything to get tired just on his pc or playing games all day yet he claimshe is too tired to make love and doesnt feel like touching me cos 1,, it turns him off 2, he is not in te mood 3he has to be in the mood to touch me 4, its immoral 5, i dont want to

[cassie66]

i love my kids and i ve moved them enough.
he was off agian last night, was ok until we got to the bedroom, them he suddenly got pains!maybe he did i do not no, but he was ok earlier in the day and night. he spent ages on ps3 games and then his pc then said he was tired.

he has his bosses from work coming at 10am this morning, and physio at 12

last night he said he feels like aparrot cos says i repeat myself. i only said your due back at work wed.

he says housework is women s work. if pushed he would hoover up. but i cant recall him loading unloading dishwather or washing a pot yet! he claims he is allewrgic to water
i told him last night he had bo,he said that was an insult it was true , he only showers once a month. he says he doesnt ger dirty

my kidsdnt normally seemuch of him, ashe is usually at work

[WildChild]

Showering once a month would be a deal breaker for me. Even once a week would too seldom. How could you even want to get to this man? Good clean sweat is one thing, that is quite another!