[jss2000]

True--it might work, might not--it's up to you whether to pursue it. One thing I like about [good] self-help books is they're inexpensive (this one is $12 USD). If they don't quite get you where you want to be, then seeking temporary professional help can be your next resource.

Even if he doesn't want to read it, you can learn more about his struggles (the sex stalemate probably isn't easy for him either) and how to talk with him so that he better understands you. He may come to realize that your relationship can be meaningful again (something he may have given up hope for).

[CHANDLERS WISH]

True--it might work, might not--it's up to you whether to pursue it. One thing I like about [good] self-help books is they're inexpensive (this one is $12 USD). If they don't quite get you where you want to be, then seeking temporary professional help can be your next resource.

Even if he doesn't want to read it, you can learn more about his struggles (the sex stalemate probably isn't easy for him either) and how to talk with him so that he better understands you. He may come to realize that your relationship can be meaningful again (something he may have given up hope for).

I believe the OP has said she will give it ago... pertaining to reading any sexual books from any Author.

I also want to point out, that you should read the entire thread... Her husband is injuried.... as to the reason why he "does not" want sex at this point and time, as for past? Well, one step at a time I feel.

Cassie, I am sorry that you still are pushing and he still doesn't feel up to it, it is good that he felt he could sit down and play a game but he also may be trying to focus (NOT) on his pain at present.

Take it easy, the more you ask the more no's your probably going to get, the keys sometimes is not to ask, rather let it happen... Remembering, that he is in pain at present sweet.

CW

[jss2000]

*oops* new to the forum here--should have read more posts before posting! best wishes anyway

[cassie66]

thanks he had sex issues before he hurt has back
he was pretty horrid t e last night lashing out verbally, i was under te impression we were going to try to maek love last night after we had watched a tv show in bed, but te he suddenly said he doesnt want to be touched and eas really off anddenied ever saying we would try. and suddenly sad his pain was back even though he d been better for 2 days. wheeeverr i mention anything remotely todowith love eetc he suddenly gets a pain.
he hadmein tearsandiddoen nothing and he did his usual rant of threatening to sleep dowstairs, said he was hot and bothered and couldnt sleep and started on me by saying he l e glad whe he sback t0 work ashe s sick to death of me! that hurts i only wanted a hug butno hejuust said he was feeling off and touchy and ve to leave him alone! its hard not to take that personally

i will read some books

[CHANDLERS WISH]

and he did his usual rant of threatening to sleep dowstairs, said he was hot and bothered and couldnt sleep and started on me by saying he l e glad whe he sback t0 work ashe s sick to death of me! that hurts i only wanted a hug butno hejuust said he was feeling off and touchy and ve to leave him alone! its hard not to take that personally

Oh sweet, do you think he realised you just only wanted a hug? No sex? Just love?

Anger can come across with injuries but you know what? YOu don't deserve to be spoken to like you explained irrespective...

I cant help but wonder.


The books aren't going to help, you know your sexuality, your just picking the wrong men and marrying them, I read your other post.

You are sexual they are not.

You are highly sexual they are not.

You have been married twice and dealt with the duce card.

This is the FIRST TIME you have said, he was NON SEXUAL BEFORE HIS INJURY


you need to give us the facts, otherwise we can only go on, well what you state..

So, how are you coping from last night? how are you feeling over this, what do you want, what advise can we offer? Do youm, personally think now that you are 100% open and honest?

CW

[cassie66]

i just need to feel wanted andi seeit as rejection.i did get him to apologise, but im sure he will do the same soon.
he was in a better mood this morning. claimed he had been awake since 4am.
his back seems better this morning.

ive always been honest and open with him. when i first met him i only saw him frid to mon as he lived far away and we did make love, i put him not touching me down to him been tired or shy.
i def remember our first date, he was all over me like a man onheat, octopus hands saying he is very tactile and sponatanous, he hasnt been like that since.

he certainly can be stubborn and grumpy even hismum says i dont know how you put up with him
couldit be because he was brought up without a dad? his dad walked out on him and hs siswhe they was a baby he has never seen him since .his mum did everything for him

i put his behavoiurdownto lack of experience of women etc

im tryiing to change him its not working. ijust want to feel loved and wanted, and forme,makiing love gives me that feeling
i dont know what to do. pesteriing hm for foreplay etc doesnt work neither does ignoring him either. he has gone back upstairs to play games.. while im left with all the house work again! he doesnt help much around the house

[CHANDLERS WISH]

He told you he was very tactile and spontaneous? Verbal words, just what you wnted to hear you put it down then to being tired, cause he "told you" he was tactile and spontaneous just what you need. But ,.....he .... lied....

he certainly can be stubborn and grumpy even hismum says i dont know how you put up with him
couldit be because he was brought up without a dad?

Well you never have to fear that they will think bad of you will you? And, well , if he was bought up by women? And, they were demanding in other ways? Yep you could be coping it.

The more I read as I said, the more I think... sympathy, some emotional black mail, some abuse so you feel ugly , unatttractive and some, well injury woman deal with it, i won't help you around the house, what's wrong with you I'm injured.

See all the while you spoke about SEX, not about this...........

Thanks for bringing more to the table...

This is more to the point I think.....

I can say more, i see simularities but I'll hold for now.

You maybe need to see, you maybe being controlled a bit, so you stay.............

CW

[cassie66]

i moved 70 miles way and movedmy kids to a new school to be with hi. i used my divorce settlement to move we rent cant get a morgage. i gave up my job etc for him
i have no money no job no freinds. our neighbour is the school. everything in the house is mine i paid for it all but i never say mine to him i say ours. but of course the pcs are his 1 mine broke so he gave me and the kids old ones from work he works with computers
he does say a lot do as your told woman etc but i wont.
my first hubby was controlling and ignored me and wasvery little sex it took me 16 years to leave him
before i met current hubby id been on 35 dates all either liars just after sex etc id been on my own 14 months before i met my current hubby we got enagged after 12 weeks wehave been together 16 months and married for 6 he was the only man willing to takeon my kids. he did say if they had been younger, he d had never bothered emailing me.
i dntgo out, i cant drive and have no money. he doesgive me his wages to cover some bills i get csa for kids that pays half the rent butwith h8 been of work we have lost alot of miney

he has also been off work alot and seem to have a lot of sickness injuriees etc

[cassie66]

he also has debt from his youth when he was reckless with a c card so most of his wages go to paying back that and his car loan so very little lefthe has everythingi get forr the kids it pays our food and utillity bills. when he is nice to me i love him, when he is off im not so sure. he can be either joking and acting like a kid, or moody. even my eldest says he acts like a kid and can tell when he is moody my ex hubby has also caused me a lot of stress

[Hopeless Dork]

It sounds like between his injury, lack of sex drive prior to the injury, his unwillingness to provide intimacy of any sort (no oral, against you masturbating) his financial burdens and his moods even so apparent that your kids notice... you have to be wondering what you have gotten yourself into. And how much you want to make it work doesn't matter if he doesnt want to make it work. We can't make anyone do anything. We can hope, but hope can get lonely.

With all the negetive things you have said about him I just have to wonder... what are some of the positives, what are you clinging to, what about him is keeping you there? Aside from the whole marriage thing.. I am not taking that lightly or saying you should leave I am just asking - is there anything he does or behaves that actually makes you happy? It just all sounds miserable to the reader.