[WildChild]

Good idea, you need to really start looking out for yourself.

[Guest]

hi all i hear if i thought for one minute him was erious when i acts silly around my kids i would have done something about it. yeah he says stupid sexual remarks and sticks his tongue out at them but its all done in such a childish manner you d never think him serious
i will talk to girls. he s only ever done it in front of me just to wind us up
another thing everytime my eldest goes out or stays over at mates him says she is shagging and has said that to her. she just says go away you pervert but its all said in a jokingly way never serious

.

Cassie please hear me!An adult man does not make these kinds of remarks to little girls unless he is serious.He does this in front of you to build an alibye so when he does do something and the girls come to you.He can say "Hay it was a joke,nothing happened!"He is trying to set your kids up to look like liars when he makes his move,and your buying it!

I know this from personal experience,I have two sisters that tried to tell mom what happened.Many years later mom still kicks herself for not seeing the early signs!

[cassie66]

he might be a selfish mean controling man but no way is he after my kids id know

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hey sweet.

Well when it touches someone elses soul, and thoughts, it's a hard call not to express.

Your kids are all teenagers right?

Have you had a chance to speak with them yet to see if they handle what he says and don't take notice?

CW

[Guest]

he might be a selfish mean controling man but no way is he after my kids id know

That's just exactly what my mother said.

Good luck to you.

[cassie66]

my kida have gone out
him has been pressursing me to pay off rest of his credit cards with my child tax credits money help!i dont want to he said but you agreed to i might have said something months back to shut him up but i said half hour ago to him but your not going to use some of your shares money for a day out for us are you? he said i cant its all spoken for but yet he expects me to gives him mine. my eldest has holes in her shoes!
i dnt want to give him the money i can put him off for afew weeks saying bills/ kids need clothes etc but then what? do i say they have stopped the money? thats mine i dont see why i should pay off rest off his debts

[WildChild]

Just say no. You don't have to justify. Just say NO. So what if you said something months ago, that was at that time, it wasn't now and forever. Anyway haven't you said again and again that he has a rotten memory? He's yanking your chain dear.

Cassie, he doesn't own you! You can say no. That money comes to you for your kids and he isn't one of them! You MUST do what you have to do for yourself and your kids. Every part of our lives has lessons to be learned and part of what you need to be learning right now is how to stand up for yourself and for you and your kids needs. Buy your daughter her shoes. Pay some living expenses but don't pay off his debt! That is his. I still don't understand how a single man living off his mother ran up so much debt but it's his not yours.

No explainations, no justifications, just NO!

[cassie66]

im scared what his reaction would be if i stand my ground and say no he does have a bad memory but the the reason i agreed months ago is we were having an argument over his glasses and i said that to shut him up.
i have no debts he does he told me when he was 19 he went crazy with a credit card and he is paying the price now
i dont want to pay him another penny! its the kids money and i wont get it forever.
im feeling quite upset at this minute no one is in and i just feel like crying ive had enough!

[WildChild]

What are you scared of him doing? Has he ever gotten physically abusive? You are already dealing with him ugle words and behavior. What do you think might happen that is worse?

If it's a fear of more of the same. I know you like it but you're already living with it. So what if he does some more?

Cassie please think about where this fear is coming from.
You are fearful of approaching your father because of what you assume his rejection will be.
Were you fearful of your kid's dad?
Were you abused as a child or in any other relationship?
Did your mother instill a fear of men's responses regardless of your father's actual behavior?
Where does this fear of male reaction come from?

If you can answer that I think you will find it easier to over come. Once you name something it loses much of it's power.

I had a strong example of this in my life. I'd had a mental block with math all through school. When I got to college I had to take a self paced math course. I got an A on the first of 10 tests and then got stuck, just couldn't get it. I would sit in the math lab trying to study with tears running down my face. I started having dreams and one morning I remembered the dream. I was in second grade and Mrs. Emmons, the teach from , had just explained how to do problems carrying 10s. I can see the chalkboard in my mind. She had explained using 2 digit numbers, then she wrote some problems on the board using big 3 digit numbers. She called Katie up to the board to solve one. Katie was a frail little thing with skinny legs, she had reddish hair, fair skin and freckles. This was in the 60s, girls always wore dresses to school and little white ankle socks and usually some sort of 'oxford' shoes.

Katie couldn't do the problem and Mrs. Emmons picked up a metal tipped yard stick started whipping her legs with it. The metal end cut her skin and I can still see the blood trickling down Katie's pale leg onto the top of her white sock.

I went back at that math and every time I felt myself start to choke, start to tense up, that fear welling up, I would tell myself, Mrs. Emmons isn't here. I'm not 7 anymore, she can't hurt me. I got through the last 9 tests in 2 days, just ahead of deadline and got an A. Then I went on to take a major that involved engineering level math. I struggled. But I got through not only statistics but calculus, statics, physics, strengths of materials, engineering economy and other math based courses.

If you can name your Stuff (the site won't allow that other s word) you can overcome it and leave it behind. Where did this fear of yours come from?

It doesn't matter what this man (I use the term loosely) thinks or wants. You have to stick to your plan, stay on course. Hold strong. When he makes these demands can you treat them as jokes? Haha, oh you're so funny!!?

[WildChild]

Opps a few typos in there. I know you din't like this situation, didn't mean to say you did,