[caterpillar79]

It was a fibroid the size of a golf ball.
Ironically, the increased sex we were having helped discover it. She bled sometimes after sex, and refused to go to the doctor. It got bad enough, and after me hounding her about it, she finally went.

Glad your tactics worked well. and that she's OK.

[sourpuss]

You are still judging her.
And she knows it at some level.

My thoughts exactly! I was going to quote those same sentences!

[Hopeless Dork]

I think the best thing you could do to create an environment where she is more likely to become sexual with you is to make her feel sexy.

She's in my opinion been made to feel unnappealing and unworthy - neither would make me personlly interested in sex.

And yes when you shut down sexually, affection can go out the window too.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I wanted to let you know that reading about your frustrations was actually one of the reasons I joined this forum and posted today. Over the past week I read some of your posts about your past difficulties, and your work on them, and it inspired me.

Frustration is the exact word I would use to describe my feelings quite often. You also talked about not feeling desired or wanted, and it truly hurts a guy's self image to feel that rejection from his wife. I personally see sex as just below food, shelter, and love, in terms of a man's wants in life. Sex may not be the most important, but it sure does matter. I honestly think the lack of passion and desire from my wife partially brought me to my anxiety/depression state last year. It just left me vulnerable to losing my sense of identity as a sexually desired man and husband to my wife. As my name here states, I want to be wanted, loved, desired in every way by my wife.

I definitely made a big mistake early on, saying some of the judgmental things I said, but I have owned up to it, and apologized. It still changed nothing. I realized now I need to be truly active working on this with her, as it's not going to change with subtle suggestions. I brought this up last weekend, and ended up staying at my brother's house night because I was upset with her. She cried about it in the morning, and said she wanted to make things better, but she didn't say a word about this all week long. That was it.

I don't believe StillLearnin read this, Wanting ToBeWanted, rather was answering the other posters to their questions.

I'm sorry you suffered from depression over this, obviously though you are seeking answers, solutions to fix the problem that's a very big step and a good one.

If she cried that you couldn't cope and walked out that night, then she still has feelings as well.

I think with help and healing you both can get through this...

I'm glad you spoke up as you just did, gives a different perspective on it all.

We are all allowed to make mistakes in life, it's whether we realise them that's the key..

CW

[Texasred]

I fully acknowledge I may have played a part in this...

"May have played a part???"
I think before you make any progress, you'll have to be honest with yourself first.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

"May have played a part???"
I think before you make any progress, you'll have to be honest with yourself first.

WantingToBeWanted

I definitely made a big mistake early on, saying some of the judgmental things I said, but I have owned up to it, and apologized. It still changed nothing. I realized now I need to be truly active working on this with her, as it's not going to change with subtle suggestions.

Think he is being honest now with himself Texasred.. Sometimes you need to hear before you can see.

[Texasred]

...she was happy, so she thought we both were happy. And, the limited boring sex we had was satisfying to her, so she didn't want to need to do anything else.

Wow, does THAT sound familiar!

[Texasred]

Think he is being honest now with himself Texasred.. Sometimes you need to hear before you can see.

Reading through to the end, I see that; his early posts didn't suggest he'd gain that insight anytime soon, though.

[caterpillar79]

Reading through to the end, I see that; his early posts didn't suggest he'd gain that insight anytime soon, though.

Seems like he's on the right track. We're making progress here.

[neophyte]

Dear Wanting to be Wanted,

First of all, everyone experiments in college. So, your wife had a lot of sex partners, so what? Get over it! You should be thankful she was open to exploring her sexual self. And that she would commit herself to someone like you for LIFE, who seems the exact opposite in regards to sex.

From the way you described your reaction to her past sexual history, she is now someone she thinks that you would prefer. So, you killed that sex kitten with your disdain of her past.

You can't look down on her past sexual relationships and then want the same for yourself. That is a very mixed message. Basically, you want a "pure" wife who is a ho with you.

All you can do now is try to make her see that you were so wrong to judge her and be more open to exploring sex YOURSELF, including oral! If she sees that you are willing to try something like that even thought you hate it, she will know you are putting an effort and trying to be more creative and adventuresome. Heck, you might really enjoy it, once you get her off!