[Steph33]

Ever notice how every time a porn threads starts written by a female who says it obviously effects her relationship in a bad way, males reply "it's normal" and "no big deal"

Obviously it isn't

People are also individuals, I rather resent anyone saying (on any topic) "all do" or "all want" or similar. Don't assume everyone thinks like you. You're not that "special" and believe it or not, everyone does not wish to be like you.

1) Some men find porn offensive and degrading to women, as well as consider any man jerking off to porn when he has a partner for sex to be cheating. Period. That all men do is BS, the type of comment a small minded person uses as an excuse. To assume all of any group are or do something is a racist comment, a sign of low IQ. Don't assume all men are like you, you're not that great that all men want to be like you, regardless of your overblown view of yourself.

2) Some men also find it offensive and a "slap" at a female if the male "needs" to go to strip clubs. Guess what, not all men do or feel the need.

3) Men who watch porn decide to. The "I have a problem pity me" eventual wild card is a load of in my opinion.

4) Any woman with someone who is offended by, emotionally hurt by, sexually harmed by (lack of sex or worse) porn should remember she has a life, value, and choices. Kick him out, then he can jerk off to his computer after that all day if he wants. Then you can look for a man who isn't mentally 16. If it effects you or hurts you and he continues, regardless of BS excuses or hot air "all guys do" arguments (and similar moronic arguments/comments), you're allowing yourself to be abused. Don't. You are it or porn are the choices. Fear of losing him isn't a factor, he's not much to start with and his kind you can find anytime in a bar (he's alone because nobody who knows him wants the slob). Plenty of men are available who are actually higher on the food chain and walk upright.

If you are wondering if porn a problem, it probably already is or close to it. Life is to short, you don't have to settle for competition from some mental case or junkie with breast implants on a computer screen. You're worth more, but if you choose stay and take that from any man that's a sad life to live by choice. I feel sorry for you but don't pity you, because you chose to let yourself be abused. Trust me, it will be a lot easier for you to find a decent man then it will be for a porn addict to keep the next woman any longer than it takes that person to know him.

[Tango]

I'd just like to clarify that I am female, and don't assume all men watch porn, but I also do not assume that all men that do watch porn are corrupt, sick, addicted, demeaning, aggressive, or any other derogatory name they've been called.

I watch rated r sex scenes, my mother watches rated r sex scenes, my sister watches rated r sex scenes, and so do you probably. We are not bad people. We are still capable of love. We are capable of separating fantasy from real life. I don't think x rated is much different.

Have you ever asked your husband if it's ok if YOU watch porn or look at pics of naked men? If he doesn't mind if you do it, it's because it means nothing to him so he thinks it means nothing to you.

My DH doesn't want me to go clubbing and dance with other guys but looking at pictures and actors doesn't bother him because he knows the real thing will always be better.

[danceintx]

Not all porn is degrading, some porn is created and directed by women, for women, that empower women, embrace their beauty, and highlight the romance of sex.

This is true, but let's face it, most men aren't going to the book store to find romantic, powerful women porn. If my bf was watching this kind of porn just to revel in the beauty that is women, let's face it, I wouldn't have a problem one. But that's usually not the first choice of most men. They are getting the porn where some woman is getting is getting tagged by 2 guys or something demeaning that I don't want to describe. I think that is my biggest problem with porn, I could care less about my partner materbating, or looking at other women, cause let's face it, we all do it.

[Hopeless Dork]

I could care less about my partner materbating, or looking at other women, cause let's face it, we all do it.

I would never disagree that most women enjoy looking at other men and admiring their attributes, if thats all the guys were doing it would be a more level playing field... but they go beyond admiring to hunching over in their computer chair and rubbing one out to said girl they are admiring and lets face it.... how many women do you know do that to pictures of attractive men?

[danceintx]

I would never disagree that most women enjoy looking at other men and admiring their attributes, if thats all the guys were doing it would be a more level playing field... but they go beyond admiring to hunching over in their computer chair and rubbing one out to said girl they are admiring and lets face it.... how many women do you know do that to pictures of attractive men?

Lol, true, I don't sit around getting off to pics of hot strnge guys. But I was only talking about looking and such. And that meaning discreetly looking. I had an ex that used to make a big spectacle of checking out other women in front of me. That I had a big problem with, it's disrespectful. He quit when I did it right back in front of him. He didn't like it apparently either. Now when I do masterbate, I think about my bf. I would like to think he does the same, mabye wishful thinking. I realize to many on here that porn is a sensitive subject. I'm just saying I'm not very insecure, and if I knew of my bf masterbating to other naked women, I might be a little bothered by it yes, but my main problem would be with the fact that I don't feel porn is healthy in general.

[Futureboy]

When I masturbate I never think about my girlfriend, I think it is disrespectful. I have discussed this will friend and it is not uncommon.

Porn like gambling or drink it is only enjoyable and acceptable in moderation. Anymore and it will distroy your relationship and your life.

PS I like all three and can Love, Be Loved, Go to work and live and love a normal life.

Is this just a question more of morality if you think it's wrong it's wrong and if you think right it's right

I predict another 10 pages with no conclusion of either side of the debate

[WildChild]

Won't be the first thread on this. Actually this may have been our first thread on it, it isn't the only one, someone dug this one out of the basement, it was started in July of 2007 and hadn't been posted on in two years! It never dies, endlessly interesting....

[mooseknuckler]

This thread is definitely entertaining! However it could also be considered as offensive too. People stating that porn is evil and implying that man that watch porn are doing something wrong or perhaps even bad people that ruin their relationship and what not is just crazy! Of course there is some distasteful and over the top porn out there! But theres also some porn that is very tasteful and geared for couples, theres even porn that is created by woman and focuses on romance more then sex. Mind you I understand those types aren't quite as popular as some of the others, however its there... Theres porn for just about everyone, and every taste imaginable. I do agree that some people can get serious addictions but that can be said about anything really.

Just because a man watches porn it doesn't mean hes not attracted to his partner or that hes some sort of perv, theres lots of woman that love porn just as much as their partner. Ask yourself this: Do you see any threads out there about men complaining about what their women are fantasizing about while they masturbate? Probably not, and if there are theres probably not too many! Woman have all kinda of crazy fantasies they think about when they masturbate, lots of which are things you see in a porn (Threesomes, sex with famous people, sex with teacher, sex with strangers... etc) which is totally fine, its a fantasy! The difference is men are more visual and women are more mental. Just because a guy is masturbating to other people having sex it doesn't necessarily mean hes thinking of having sex with that woman, it could easily mean hes thinking of being in that situation, acting out that scenario with his special someone (which is what I do must of the time)... but yes there are times that you might see a woman in a porn you might find sexy and picture yourself with them, come on we are only human, are you telling me that every time you flick your bean you are thinking of your man? not a celeb or a past lover or a stranger? Fantasy isn't real and its perfectly normal.

You need to be more open minded and stop generalizing, embrace your sexuality, experiment with yourself and your partner. Try to understand why he might enjoy porn and talk to him about it (don't to him about it or he won't open up and be honest)... Porn can be a very healthy part of a relationship if you are open and honest with each other.

Oh and by no means does it have anything to do with being too lazy for sex! Thats the most uneducated thing I've ever heard of! Men just think about sex a lot more than women (in most cases). Just because a man masturbates to porn doesn't mean he won't be willing to have sex too.

[stressed]

Can I just add one more thing.

Once I caught my fiance drooling over an air hostess during a 45 min flight. He was all up and awake (always sleeps during flights otherwise), asked her a few questions, smiled, stared at her whenever she showed up, the whole package. I was sitting right next to him the whole time but didn't say anything until we came home and nicely explained that what he did bothered me; if he has to drool over other women he should do it when I am not next to him because it feels degrading. I know there are hot women out there, but give me a break. He said he was sorry and hadn't realized that he was staring.

My point is, our men can stare at beautiful women when we go out together, there isn't much one can do about that - there are very beautiful people out there -, they see half naked women in the newspaper and on tv every day, they talk about beautiful women at their workplace, they already make us feel not good enough for them from time to time even if they don't intent to. To have this situation as a standard is already enough pressure on female sexuality and ego, but to add porn in our own homes and accept it is just too much in my opinion.

And, okay, if a man/woman wakes up really turned on and the SO is unavailable then porn may be a solution. But to approach it as a habit or hobby when you are in a relationship, no, I don't agree with that. If a man or a woman can't wait till the moment his/her SO goes to work to watch porn, it's not 'healthy' because I assume it shows that this person lacks something sexually related in the relationship.

When it becomes an issue, you know that your SO is hurt by you watching porn and yet you still want to do it, then it is a serious problem and not far from it being an addictive hobby. Because if you still enjoy porn, knowing that your girlfriend/wife knows that you're doing it that very moment and despite of having lost this feeling of 'doing something in secret' then you're just addicted to it. Because no matter what your hobby is, when you know what you do hurts your partner then you're either selfish or addicted. And this is not just about porn, it can apply to other instances as well.

[rcoreyus]

Stressed - would you consider it OK to watch porn when your SO turns you down for sex? (assuming this is frequent, and that you are a considerate lover, etc).