How To Safely Explore Vibrator Bondage With Your Partner
Before you get your kink on with a high-powered vibrator and a restraint kit like those carried by Adam & Eve, you’ve got to talk to your partner about it.
The first and most important step in exploring any BDSM fun is getting consent.
You do that through clear communication.
This means that, together, you talk about what you want to do, what your boundaries are, what’s allowed and what isn’t, how to stop if things go wrong, and any safety considerations.
Pro Tip: If you plan to use rope for restraint, you need some basic rope bondage skills first because there are risks associated with tying rope incorrectly.
Setting a safeword and maintaining plenty of communication before you get kinky is vital to the pleasure and safety of all involved.
A safeword is simply a word or phrase that doesn’t “fit” the moment and it is one that both partners remember will act as a signal to stop an activity.
Some people use the traffic light system: red means stop, yellow means slow down, and green means go.
Others use any random word they can think of, such as pineapple or hippopotamus.
Although restraints may prohibit this to some degree, establishing a safe gesture is also a good idea — a physical signal that acts as a means of communication if speaking is not possible, such as when one partner is gagged.
“You can also have the submissive hold an item that they drop if they want things to stop,” Dr. Susan Milstein, a human sexuality health educator on our medical review board, said.
“This can get tricky depending on the position they’re in, since the item drop would have to be noticeable,” she added, however, it is an option to consider if it might be effective in a particular situation.
Once you’re on the same page with your partner(s), it’s time to plan a scene and to do this, you’ll need to ask yourselves a few questions:
- What kind of BDSM vibrator will you use?
Wand massagers are extremely popular for vibrator bondage but any vibrator that feels good and can reach the right parts is a good choice.
- What kind of bondage will you use?
A restraint kit is often the easiest, especially if you’re just starting out.
You simply need a place to attach the restraints — like on the bed frame, headboard, or footboard — and the ability to buckle the wrist or ankle cuffs.
Many restraint kits are designed to allow easy adjustments to the length of the restraints and the tightness of their fit during use.
- How will you or your partner be bound?
Hands over head, attached to the bed? Legs spreadeagled with easy access for the vibrator?
Think about positioning ahead of time and consider the comfort level that might be associated with the duration of the activity.
For instance, if the restrained partner will be on their knees, handcuffed to the headboard while facing the wall, this may become uncomfortable over an extended period.
- How will you use the vibrator?
Asked another way, what form of orgasm control do you intend to explore?
There are a variety of options and they can all be combined in multiple ways.
- Teasing involves allowing your partner to feel the vibrator sensations but not enough to reach orgasm.
- Edging means you’ll bring your partner to the point of orgasm and then stop the sensation before they climax.
- Forced orgasms involve holding the vibrator in place and/or using high settings to bring on harder, faster orgasms. These can be done whether you are multi-orgasmic or a one-and-done kind of person.
- Post-orgasm torture means continuing the stimulation after the orgasm — when the sensations become painful instead of pleasurable.
What your vibrator bondage scene looks and feels like will depend on the desires you and your partner(s) want to explore together.
It can be a little or a lot, sensual or torturous, or a combination.
