The Best Way To Use A Vibrator With A Partner

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Written By:

Kayla Lords

Medically Reviewed By:

Susan Milstein,
PhD, Human Sexuality

It’s not enough to know you want to use a vibrator with your partner.

Once you figure out that you do (good for you!), you’ve got to decide how to use one together.

It isn’t as hard as you think.

In fact, the hardest part might be figuring out what to do first.

Editor’s Note: This article is part of our How To Use A Vibrator and Everything Vibrators hubs, in-depth and evolving resources that comprehensively explore all aspects of vibrators from the different types and how to use them, to materials and safety — created to help you achieve the sexual pleasure you deserve.

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In this article, we’ll talk about:

Using A Vibrator With A Partner
Is It Okay To Use A Vibrator With A Partner
Best Vibrators For Partnered Play
Conclusion

How To Use A Vibrator With A Partner

The best way to use a vibrator with your partner is…in whatever way you both enjoy.

There are no “rules” on how to do it.

It all comes down to what feels good to both of you.

And if one or both of you are women or anyone with a vulva, there’s a good chance that the best way to orgasm during foreplay or sex will be with a vibrator.

If you’re unsure how to add a vibrator to your relationship or the best way to use one, here’s what you need to know.

Using A Vibrator During Foreplay

Although heteronormative, the term “foreplay” implies the activity as being something that comes before penetrative sex, however, foreplay is really just sex without penetration.

For many women, it’s the warm-up for penetrative sex later.

Foreplay is what gets you hot and bothered, ready for however you define sex, but it is a part of sex.

Vibrators are great for this warm-up.

You can use a vibrator during foreplay with your partner in a few ways:

Use a finger vibrator on your partner’s neck, nipples, or inner thighs, letting the toy become an extension of your hand.
Before penetrative sex, you can also make sure you (or your partner) get off with a wand massager, G-spot vibrator, clit sucker, or another favorite vibrator.
Play with a bit of power and control by using a couple’s vibrator together. One partner applies it to their hot spot while the other plays with the button or app that controls it. Additionally, if you’re into BDSM, vibrator bondage is an exciting way to play with Dominance and submission.
During a night on the town, a wearable vibrator can be worn by one partner discreetly in public for teasing thrills that are controlled remotely by the other.

Vibrators are great for teasing and ensuring plenty of orgasms are enjoyed — long before penetration occurs, if it does.

→ For more, read:

Using A Vibrator During Masturbation

Masturbation doesn’t have to remain a solo act.

It’s a great way to have sex with your partner with a lot less energy required and orgasms are practically guaranteed.

Grab your favorite vibrator and let your partner watch you get off.

This can be a great learning opportunity for them or a big turn-on if they’re a bit of a voyeur.

You might experiment with a couple’s vibrator that uses a remote control, such as a wearable vibrator or an app-controlled toy.

Get yourself started and then let them take over.

Mutual masturbation is also a fun option for using a vibrator with your partner, with two ways to play.

Lay in bed together, side by side, using your favorite toy on yourself while they use their vibrator. You don’t have to talk or even touch but you can have a satisfying experience with masturbation — together.
Play together by using a vibrator on your partner as they use one on you. Warning: You may forget what you’re doing when the orgasms start rolling in.

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Using A Vibrator During Sex

A great way to make sure you and your partner both get off during sex is to add a vibrator to the fun.

Any vibrator that feels good to you and reaches your sensitive spots is the right one to use. Toys work in almost any sex position that’s comfortable for both of you, too.

The right way to use a vibrator during sex with a partner involves making sure that the toy is cleaned between partners and orifices to mitigate the spread of bacteria, particularly when play involves the vagina and anus.

If using a condom over your toy, make sure to change the condom when switching between partners or orifices, as well.

Additionally, you’ll want to make sure to use the right lube during vaginal and anal penetration.

If your lubricant of choice is water-based, the lube’s pH must be suitable for each activity — so you’ll need two separate lubricants.

Silicone and oil-based lubes do not have pH and are generally more compatible with vaginal and anal sex interchangeably.

Safety precautions aside, all that matters is that you talk about it first and do whatever feels good for both of you.

→ For more, read: How To Use A Vibrator During Sex: The Best Positions & Types

Is It Okay To Use A Vibrator With A Partner?

It breaks my heart to know that so many people worry about whether they’re “allowed” to use a vibrator with their partner or if it means something is wrong with them if they use a vibrator in a relationship.

It’s completely okay to use a vibrator with your partner!

Vibrators and other sex toys won’t replace your partner — or you. Instead, they enhance your (mutual) pleasure.

A partner who wants you to feel amazing during sex and experience as much pleasure as possible should be okay with using a vibrator with you.

That doesn’t mean you don’t need to talk about it or that they might have to deal with their own misconceptions about vibrators used with a partner.

Keep the lines of communication open and give them time.

But no matter what, remember that using a vibrator with your partner is valid, normal, and above all, completely okay.

→ For more, read: How To Use A Vibrator In A Relationship From Someone Who Knows

When using a vibrator with your partner, particularly if it is being used between them, is to make sure that you clean the vibrator when switching partners or orifices to mitigate the transfer of any bacteria, viruses, or fungi — including those which can cause UTIs or yeast infections.

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