A Guide To Edging And Orgasm Control For More Pleasurable Sex
Orgasms are lovely — just like gifts, they are meant to be enjoyed and savored, whether you’re giving or receiving one.
Stimulation, arousal, and pleasure! What could be better than that?
But the truth is that intentionally delaying the gratification experienced during sexual climax can make for an even sweeter release in the end.
This “delay” is often referred to as orgasm control, surfing, peaking, teasing, or edging and can lead to unbelievable orgasms and more fun in the bedroom by yourself or with a partner.
Edging helped me to learn more about my body and what it enjoys during sex and it’s deepened my knowledge of my own sexual desires, as well.
It’s an awesome way to get to know more about your sexual body — regardless of gender or sexual preference.
If you want to make your sexual pleasure last (and last), or if you’ve ever lamented cumming “too fast,” it might be time to give edging a try.
What Is Edging During Sex Or Masturbation?
Edging, also known as orgasm control, peaking, or surfing, is the sexual process of approaching the point of near orgasm but stopping before reaching climax — only to start things up all over again.
Holding off on cumming in this manner can increase orgasmic pleasure while prolonging masturbation or sex.
One forum user explained that the act of delaying gratification through edging can be a sexual turn-on all by itself — “the erotic thrill of holding out and going at it again” until you finally reach climax only heightens the entire experience.
Edging is a fun and exciting way to get to know your body, providing ample opportunity to experience more sensations during sexual stimulation.
Repeating the edging process over and over can ultimately lead to an extreme release of tension — and a much more fulfilling and explosive orgasm.
Sex therapist Cay Crow explained the mechanics of edging, saying:
“Each person’s arousal trajectory is different. Edging requires that people put on the brakes for longer periods of time. There are many ways to edge but the most common is to get close to orgasm and then slow everything down so you can teeter on the precipice of the waterfall of pleasure.”
Edging is possible during both masturbation and partnered sex, although many people practice and master it on their own first — myself included.
It’s especially helpful to use a natural lube while edging. A good lubricant will keep things slippery and wet so that you won’t have to worry about friction or chafing during an extended sex session.
After all, depending on your willpower, a person can ride the edge for a long, long time before allowing themselves to reach orgasm.
What Is A Controlled Orgasm?
A controlled orgasm, like edging, is the method of getting sexually aroused to the point of almost cumming and then stopping completely before beginning the entire process again.
This practice leads to a stronger and more intense orgasm because of the tension that builds in the body.
For me, the sexual tension that’s created while edging always results in an intensely satisfying orgasm.
You might compare this tension to that of a rubber band. If it’s pulled gently and only slightly before its release, it snaps — but softly.
The release happened, but there was nothing particularly special about it.
If the rubber band is pulled tightly, however — slowly drawn out farther and longer than it’s ever been stretched before — the eventual release is much stronger and explosive.
It might even fly across the room!
What Is The Purpose Of Delaying Or Prolonging An Orgasm By Edging?
In a way, edging is a sexual medicine of sorts because it can help us to know our sexual bodies in new and more deliberate ways, and enjoy masturbation and sex for longer periods of time.
The road to an earth-shattering orgasm is a mysterious one for some, regardless of sexual orientation or gender, and the length of the trek will vary from person to person.
Why Is A Delayed Orgasm Often More intense?
Almost allowing climax but temporarily denying it builds more excitement and tension, which results in a sensational release when you finally do orgasm.
Caitlin V. Neal, a sexologist who works as a sex and relationship coach, told us:
“Because the process of edging allows for stimulation to build up in our nerve endings, and well as in our minds in the form of anticipation, it improves the experience of having an orgasm dramatically. The experience of orgasming is drastically improved from edging no matter what genitals you have, and whether that orgasm is ejaculatory or not.”
As we mentioned earlier, the more you delay your orgasmic release, the sweeter and more enjoyable it will be in the end.
“For me, edging dramatically improves my climax, to a game-changing extent. The longer the cycle of tease/denial goes on, the more my body tends to respond,” Catie, an entertainment director from Virginia, told us.
If you’re in search of the most explosive orgasms imaginable, edging is an activity that’s definitely worth exploring yourself.
Does Edging Consistently Lead To Better Orgasms?
In my experience, it absolutely does. My orgasms are always incredibly satisfying during edging because of the sudden release of mounting tension that results when I finally let myself reach climax.
But that took time and practice.
Yes, as silly as it sounds, we can actually practice having orgasms.
Edging helps us to get in tune with our sexual arousal processes, therefore giving us access to areas of ourselves we might not have seen or felt before.
Sexologist Caitlin V. Neal told us:
“Delayed gratification comes with all kinds of benefits, as anyone who has ever saved up for something can attest. Forgoing the instant gratification of an orgasm in exchange for a bigger more explosive, more pleasurable orgasm later can boost our confidence as a lover, increase our grit and ability to withstand discomfort in the most pleasurable way, improve our opinions about sex itself, and boost the feel-good sensations of orgasming.”
Over time, practicing edging can lead to consistently better orgasms because not only do we become more familiar with our body’s response to sexual stimulation, we are that much more confident about it.
And confidence is sexy as hell.
How Can Edging Counteract Premature Ejaculation?
Edging is an excellent technique for people who want to increase their sexual stamina in general, but it’s especially beneficial for those dealing with premature ejaculation.
Premature ejaculation occurs when a man reaches orgasm too quickly — and often without his control. It has nothing to do with a man’s penis size, nor does it matter whether his penis is a grower vs. a shower.
This condition can be caused by a variety of factors that are unique to each person, but using edging to counteract premature ejaculation can mean regaining some of that lost control.
So how quickly do men with premature ejaculation reach orgasm? Generally, within a minute after penetration begins — or before it even has a chance to.
The expectation for how long sex should actually last is another variable in and of itself — and in a survey by sex therapists anywhere from 3 to 13 minutes was considered “normal”.
One study looked at heterosexual couples and discovered that they had vastly different ideas in regard to the duration of foreplay and sex, with men reporting “a significantly longer ideal duration of intercourse” compared to their partners.
But oddly enough, another study found that heterosexual women desired an average of about 16 minutes of intercourse — compared to the 14.5 minutes that male subjects typically performed.
Unfortunately, men tend to orgasm faster during vaginal sex as they age — but edging and skimming may help to increase their sexual stamina, as we’ll talk about later on.
The intentional practice of bringing yourself closer to orgasm — without ejaculating — can help you to last longer during sexual stimulation whether you’re alone or with a partner.
One forum user explained that this is best learned through masturbation alone, because trying to edge with a partner first “will put pressure” on the man because he’s considering his partner’s pleasure (or any lack thereof) as well.
That said, edging can provide you with more time spent listening to your body — and masturbating is a great way to explore ejaculation control on your own.
This practice enables you to concentrate on your body’s response to sexual stimulation.
In turn, edging will help you to become much more aware of every sensation your body experiences whenever you approach “the point of no return” just before orgasm.
With time, you’ll learn to recognize your body’s response as it nears climax — signaling when it’s time to slow down or stop stimulation completely if you’re not ready to orgasm just yet.
How Can Edging Help You Understand Your Own Sexual Responses?
We often learn a lot about ourselves when we slow things down.
The sexual technique of delaying climax offers an extendable period of pleasure for us to play around with — for as long as we want.
As I mentioned earlier, edging gave me the opportunity to really get to know my body in ways that I hadn’t before. The fact that it makes masturbation and sex last longer is just icing on the cake.
Sexuality researcher Sarah Melancon, Ph.D. told us, “Ironically, the more you enjoy sex and the less you focus on orgasm, the more pleasurable it tends to be.”
By not making orgasm the main goal during sex or masturbation, we experience stimulation in a brand new light.
While edging, we’re given more time to feel our bodies as they are being pleasured — and that’s a great way to get to know your O.
Is It Possible To Edge Or Delay Orgasm Too Often?
Rest assured that it is not possible to edge “too much” and make it harder to orgasm quickly if you wanted to.
If you’re a woman who is concerned about developing anorgasmia, or the inability to reach orgasm, fear not!
Edging does not mean holding back your orgasm entirely — it’s more about saving it up for a big finish at the end.
Anorgasmia can occur in men, as well, and although it may not provide you with any comfort to know this, erectile dysfunction (ED) can happen to most penises at some point in a man’s lifetime for many different reasons both psychological as well as physical.
But ED won’t be a result of delaying climax too often.
Likewise, retrograde ejaculation, which means that semen goes into the bladder instead of out through the penis, is not more likely to happen when edging, either.
What Are The Benefits Of Edging During Sex
There are many benefits to edging. These include:
- More pleasurable orgasms
- Longer lasting sex
- A better body-mind connection
There are many psychological and physical benefits to edging because better orgasms are a boost for your mental and physical health.
As we mentioned earlier, edging can also help those who suffer from premature ejaculation.
Controlled orgasms enable us to become more in tune with our body’s response to sexual stimulation, which can help to increase sexual stamina and overall pleasure — whether practiced alone or with a partner.
What Are The Benefits Of Edging During Partnered Sex?
Edging is a great way to feel closer to your partner. Sex educator Danis Graveris explained the reasons why, telling us:
“By prolonging the duration of sexual activity, partners put less emphasis on reaching orgasms but more on finding other ways to stimulate and touch each other. These activities enable partners to learn more about each other and communicate their sexual needs and preferences better.
Power play is another psychological benefit of edging. Some people gain pleasure by relinquishing control of their bodies to their partners or vice versa. Just make sure to get each other’s consent before and during these activities.”
He’s absolutely right about that. No matter how long you’ve been with your partner, it’s always good to have open communication while edging — or anything else.
There are countless ways to spice up your sex life. Trying new things is almost always exciting and edging can be practiced in conjunction with lots of other sexy things.
From nipple banding to role play or even sensual body massage, edging can be incorporated into whatever turn-ons you and your sex partner might experience.
Delaying climax is all about discovering what sensations you like, and making them last — together.
One Women’s Health Interactive forum user said, “Delaying orgasm or edging makes for an intense orgasm when it finally happens. It’s fun to tease and drive a man wild wanting that release.”
In that way, delaying orgasm during sex is really enjoyable for both partners!
What Are The Benefits Of Edging During Masturbation?
There are many benefits to delaying climax during masturbation — which is a great way to become more familiar with your body’s sexual response in general.
When we give ourselves more time to pleasure ourselves, we can focus intently on sexual stimulation and our body’s response to it.
After all, the sensation of your orgasm is personal to you, and getting to know it more intimately can help you to discover what is pleasurable — and what isn’t.
Edging can also help to counteract anorgasmia in women — difficulty reaching orgasm — because it provides them with more space to explore their orgasm, without time constraints or the stress of not cumming “fast enough.”
Not only that, but mindfulness has an impact on a woman’s ability to reach orgasm.
What this means is that being in the moment — and keeping yourself there for as long as possible — can offer greater opportunities for orgasm when edging during masturbation.
Women’s Health Interactive’s Editor-In-Chief, Alison Huff, can relate to the importance of keeping your head in the game during sexual pleasure. She said:
“If I don’t stay in the moment and keep my mind from wandering elsewhere (emails I need to answer, work I’ve got to do tomorrow, worries about whatever other thing is going on), it’s like dumping a bucket of ice water all over myself. Arousal is funny that way, but if I’m not ‘in’ it 100%, an orgasm won’t happen.”
For men, solo sex is perfect for mastering the technique of orgasm control to build greater sexual stamina or to counteract premature ejaculation, as we mentioned earlier — and both things can benefit partnered sex.
How Can Edging Improve Your Pelvic Floor Muscles?
Edging can help to strengthen the pelvic floor, a series of muscles that support the organs located within your pelvis.
Dr. Laura Meinhofer is a physical therapist who specializes in the pelvic floor. She told us:
“Edging is all about a circle of stimulation. Bringing yourself very close to climax and then stopping and coming back down from this.
Your pelvic floor is a super-strong sheet of muscles that with arousal have increased circulation and blood flow. This, with the muscle tension of the pelvic floor, helps hold all of this engorgement in your genitals and allows for excitation.”
In the video below, Dr. Meinhofer explains how edging affects the muscles in the pelvis:
Stronger pelvic floor muscles can lead to more control while edging and can help to increase sexual stamina.
To perform a Kegel exercise, contract the muscles in your pelvic floor by squeezing and then releasing them.
Not sure how to find them? The next time you pee, stop the stream — those are the same muscles you’ll contract while doing Kegels.
Tips For Edging To Delay Or Prolong Orgasms
The most important thing to remember is that all bodies experience sexual sensations differently.
Even so, everyone progresses through the same stages of sexual response and arousal.
What Are The Four Stages Of The Sexual Response Cycle?
The body experiences many different sensations as it becomes sexually stimulated. Like the growth of a flower, the four stages of sexual response allow time to create something (an orgasm) that is truly special.
The four stages of sexual response are desire, arousal, orgasm, and resolution. Let’s take a closer look at each one.
The desire stage begins as the body becomes aroused. During this first stage, blood pressure and heart rates rise, increasing muscle tension.
Oftentimes, this is when the vagina starts to lubricate itself and the penis becomes erect. Nipples get hard and genitals swell due to the increase in blood flow. The penis may begin to secrete lubrication, as well.
In the arousal stage, things become even more intense.
More blood flows to the genitals, causing the vaginal walls to swell as the clitoris reaches its greatest sensitivity. The testicles draw up into the scrotum.
During the arousal stage, the body is on the brink of climax. While edging, this is the place to stop before starting up again.
The orgasm stage is when the body releases all of the tension created during the stages of desire and arousal.
The climax has arrived and contractions in the genitals are followed by the sudden release of sexual tension.
The penis ejaculates semen and the pelvic floor muscles contract. There is a higher intake of oxygen in the body.
This divulgence of sexual energy is powerful and enjoyable.
The resolution stage comes after the climax.
Swelling in the vagina reduces and the penis is no longer erect. Blood pressure and heart rate regulate as the body is satiated in its post-orgasmic bliss.
When Should You Stop Stimulation While Edging?
You should stop stimulation when you or your partner is close to orgasm but not fully there yet.
Some people prefer to stop sexual stimulation completely, while others enjoy a reduced amount of sensation.
Dr. Brandye Wilson-Manigat, an OB-GYN based in California told us:
“It is important that you are able to identify when you are close to the point of no return. If you go past that point, the sexual tension will be released and your orgasm may be less pleasurable.”
She added that edging can be a great way to improve your orgasms because the practice builds “higher and higher levels of sexual tension.”
“Being effective with this practice will require you to really be in tune with your body,” she explained.
As we talked about earlier, delaying orgasm — especially during masturbation — can help you to become more familiar with your body’s response and that includes the sensations it experiences just before climax arrives.
The key, then, is to be able to recognize when that moment is arriving so you can stop stimulation completely, or at least reduce it enough to avoid reaching orgasm — alone or with a partner.
Why Is Timing Important When Edging Or Delaying Climax?
Given what we now know about the four stages of arousal, the sexual practice of edging is all about timing.
Bringing the body almost to the point of climax during the arousal stage is vital to controlling your orgasm successfully.
After all, even one slippery stroke can take you over the edge when you’re close to orgasm, whether you were ready for it or not.
How Can You Practice Edging During Masturbation?
There are many ways to practice edging during masturbation.
That said, masturbating looks and feels different for everyone.
The best way to delay climax while masturbating is by listening to your body and doing what feels good for you.
Take yourself close to the edge — but not beyond it. Lather, rinse, and repeat until you’re ready to enjoy a long-awaited and explosive orgasm.
It’s up to you if you want to incorporate sex toys. Vibrators come in all shapes and sizes but if you’re not sure what to look for, you can read our complete guide to vibrators or take our helpful vibrator quiz to find one.
One forum user offered some great advice specifically for men who want to bring themselves close to orgasm repeatedly before going over the edge, suggesting a man should stop masturbating “just before the point of inevitability.”
In that moment, he should “put pressure with 2 fingers and a thumb around the tip [of the penis] to prevent cumming. Wait a few seconds like this and [then] keep going. Do this a couple of times before finally letting go to orgasm.”
Practicing this type of delayed orgasm alone is a great way to learn how to incorporate edging during partnered sex, which we’ll talk about next.
How Can You Practice Edging During Partnered Sex?
It’s always better to go into partnered sex with an open understanding of what you and your partner would like from each other — and that includes edging if you want to delay your climax.
Alison Huff, Editor-In-Chief of Women’s Health Interactive, agrees on the importance of communication when you’re edging with a partner. She said:
“I’m a huge fan of edging, even if I’m by myself, but especially during partnered sex without time limits…sometimes I just want to make sure it lasts as long as possible.
That said, the same holds true for my husband. I know how to recognize the gestures that indicate when he wants to slow down for the same reason. In that way, communication about edging is vital during partnered sex. We both get what we want because we listen and follow each other’s cues.”
Incidentally, these same steps can also be a great way to sync your orgasms with your partner’s so you cum together!
Foreplay is especially important while edging because it builds sexual pleasure slowly. This can be enhanced by a sexy playlist that creates an arousing ambiance in the background.
As things progress, the squeeze technique helps to build sexual stamina in men while also holding off orgasm.
When the penis is erect and almost to the point of climax, apply a small amount of pressure at the head of the penis to decrease arousal levels.
If you’re a woman who is trying to delay orgasm during partnered sex, being on top during sex can give you more control over the movement — enabling you to stop it completely for a minute or two if you so choose.
Alison said that being on top is the easiest way to edge during partnered sex.
“It drives my husband batty sometimes and I admit I probably get off on the control alone, at least a little bit — but being on top allows me to slow down or stop everything completely if I want to,” she explained.
For men, particularly those who are battling premature ejaculation, being in a position that allows for greater control will make edging easier, too.
What Are The Best Sex Toys To Use For Edging?
Like anything else when it comes to sex, it’s important to discover what your body likes.
Everyone experiences sexual stimulation differently. The sensations we feel are unique to our own bodies.
So really, any sex toy can be used for edging if it’s one you enjoy using — whether it’s a bullet vibe, a rabbit, a wand, a finger vibe, or even a wearable vibrator. If you want to find out more about these toys, you can check out our vibrator guide.
Folks who enjoy clitoral stimulation have probably heard of Women’s Health Interactive author Wednesday Lee Friday, as she has written many reviews on different clitoral stimulators, including the budget-friendly Better Love Tap Dancer, and clit sucking vibrators.
Both provide sensations akin to real-life cunnilingus so if that hits your sweet spot, they’re definitely worth checking out!
If you enjoy using a vibrator but you’re concerned about the noise factor if you don’t live alone, there are several quiet vibrators that get the job done while putting your mind at ease.
Incidentally, if you’re a fan of data, there are even vibrators that provide you with biofeedback and insight regarding your own arousal and climax — sent to your smartphone so you can analyze it later!
The wonders of modern technology truly never cease to exist.
Edging can make for better and more intense orgasms because it enables your body to experience sexual stimulation over an extended period of time.
Delaying climax is a great option for those who want to have longer-lasting sex, too, as it can build sexual stamina over time.
The bonus is that it’s a safe, fun, and exciting sexual technique that everyone can practice however they want — alone or with a partner!