[kaylar]

Tinkerbell, this is not a situation in which someone's husband is
undergoing surgery and we are to pray for her.

This is not a situation in which a man has walked out on his marriage
of thirty years, and the wife has no idea where he is and we are
asked to pray for her.

This is a case in which a woman KNOWING FULL WELL a guy
old enough to be her father, is MARRIED and gets involved with
him ANYWAY.

This is a case in which every single sign that she was a good time
and nothing more was given.

When he left her...A MONTH AGO...
one might have sympathised with her shock and worry and surprise
and questions as to what happened...

But it was clear as day to me, and if you read my very first response,
that what had happened was that the show was over. The husband
went home to his WIFE.

Now a Paternity test is demanded. Well that's a real insult.

Now she's going to have to go to Court to get Maintenance for
their child.

And she still doesn't get it.
She still madly in love with him.

What the tragedy is, if he calls her now and arranges a meeting
at some flop house...she'll go.

[tinkerbell930]

Kaylar, I am not denying "the facts" of this situation...what I am doing is sympathizing with a woman. I don't want to get into arguments with anyone on this site. It should be a place where a woman comes to open her heart and ask for some advice and possibly a shoulder to cry on. Everything going on in this situation is very sad...she has a right to vent and feel love for him...only she will know when to stop those feelings. It isn't like someone can tell a person to quit feeling, just because they have been shown statistics and heard a hundred stories that are similiar. You wouldn't be in business if it were that easy. She just asked for anyone responding to tread lightly. It goes right back to the Golden Rule. If you can't say something nice about someone, don't say anything at all. People in general don't like to be told hurtful things. When a person is hurting, kind words and prayers are appreciated. You have a right to what you need to say, but you made me feel attacked for just trying to sympathize with another person. That doesn't make me feel all that great about this site anymore.

[Drama28]

Insensitive...

Okay, I wasn't going to respond to the last few posts, but I can't help it. Kaylar, are you really that insensitive and heartless or do you just think I am a piece of trash so it doesn't matter how I feel? I know you have had a million different cases and senarios, but it doesn't mean that you can't present the facts in more of a respectful manor! Seriously, at least Carly told it like it is, but was caring about it. Talking to me like I am just a stupid mistress isn't going to help me at all. I don't want to think that you(Kaylar) are the "*****", but I am begining to wonder. Did you have a husband that did this to you and you are just bitter about it and think all mistersses are worthless pieces of trash?? Come on...I need to make it through this **** for my kids' sake and being angry isn't making it any easier. Yes, it was my mistake for falling in love with a married man, but **** happens, have you never had a lack of judgement in your life? Nobody is perfect. I am trying make the best out of a bad situation, yes, I am still in love with him and I'm trying to come to terms with life. Only time will tell what will become of this. I am only trying to get through today and not worry about the millions of bad things/or good that could happen tomorrow at the DNA test. Yes, Tinkerbell, I would love to have your email since you seem to be the one who really cares for me like a friend. And, for that matter Kaylar, my husband hasn't died or anything, but if my friend or anyone that I even knew of for that matter was in a bad situation and was hurting and feeling like **** I would pray for her/him no matter what! If you chose not to pray for me or even think about me, that is fine, but you are the one who chose to respond to my post in the first place. I am not asking for your sympathy or pitty, I only ask that you respect me enough like any other human being and treat me as you would wish to be treated. Time will only tell what the outcome will be......until then I just wait........

[Drama28]

Thank you Tinkerbell!

Tinkerbell, that is exactly what I was trying to say. Thank you so much! I really do appreciate all that you have done for me. Words may not kill, but they certainly do as much damage to the heart as anything else would. Well, that is all I had to say for now. Thank you again Tinkerbell, you are a great person!

[tinkerbell930]

I was glad to hear from you! I am glad to give you my email....it is tfranklin*idfbins.com
I am right there for you! Hope to hear from you soon...don't know how much more I will be posting on this. I even checked what the "rules" were AFTER I wrote my response and it was almost word for word on what I wrote. The world is so full of cynics...it is nice to have a friend that doesn't judge or say, "I knew what would happen..." so many of us just need to have nice things said to get us through tough times. Doesn't make us dillusional or stupid at all....just means we have deep feelings!

[kaylar]

In situations like this, someone has to be the *****.
Someone has to say; Look, he's gone, he's never
coming back, and everything he told you was a lie,
now move on.

Everyone does stupid things in their life, everyone
hangs on to some fantasy until it become ridiculous.

Those who realise the fantasy is a fantasy move on,
those who don't stay in the same position until they do.

I've met women who were divorced twenty years ago
and their main topic of conversation is their ex-husband.

He's moved on, he has a new life, and she is exactly
where she was the day after the divorce. Twenty
years have passed, but she hasn't lived them.

In this case a month has passed. Drama is exactly
where she was the day she posted. If you scroll
to page one, read her post, and come to this page
and read her post, you will see that there has been
no progress.

To look forward to seeing him at a DNA test, which
is a slap in the face, only indicates that the healing
processes have not begun.

And if he smiles or waves at her at the testing,
she will be further mired in this fantasy.

Yes, I feel bad that Drama was deceived, that she
was used, and discarded. But until she sees that
she was used and discarded, there can be no
synthesis.

Right now, she should be in a lawyer's office making
sure that he hasn't transferred property to others
so as to cut down on the maintenance he will pay
her child.

During this month I am willing to bet that most of
his property has either been put in his older children's
name, 'sold' to a company he and his wife own, and
that every possible ruse is taking place so as to insure
that his 'salary' when he reaches court will be no more
than a 5th of what it was the day he left.

[kaylar]

Protecting Yourself


A woman enters the office and gives a statement almost
identical to that given by Drama. The difference is that
it is one year later.

Investigations are commenced into this man's financial
status, because the amount of money the court has
ordered for this child's monthly support is what he usually
spends on his lunch.

The Husband is a millionaire.
Or Was.

Using the time frame from the date Drama made her first post
until this one...
the Husband sold every piece of property he owned to his
children of the marriage.
The Matrimonial Home which was held in both the husband
and wife's name is 'sold' to one of the children, and they
rent a townhouse.

Every car, boat, dog, this man owned the day Drama posted
is gone. His company is held by his wife and children and he
gets a small salary.

Before the DNA test was done, this man went from millionaire
to working class.

According to Court Records, the first day that the matter was
to come before a judge, the Husband had gone for medical
tests abroad as the prognosis didn't look good, (this explains
why he gave away all his property).

The next court date, the husband's lawyer said he was in
a hospital, and presented a certificate of the same.

The DNA evidence, however, was presented at this time
and the fact the husband was the father of the woman's
child was accepted.

The Husband's lawyer stated that the husband had no
money, showed all the documents to prove the situation
and use the fact that he might be gravely ill.

The Court ordered that he pay 1/3rd of the small salary
he was still getting to the woman and her child and sent
out a Social Worker to confirm what had been averred in
Court.

Yes, the husband had given away everything.
And was only getting a small salary from the business.

Subsequently, the Husband returns, (which is why the
client had brought the matter to my attention.)

There was absolutely nothing wrong with the husband
and I am certain that this 'death bed' thing was a ruse
to explain why he had given away his property before
the matter was even scheduled for Court.

One could not aver that this was a fraud as the matter
never reached the Court calendar until after the DNA
test. The giving away of the property was successfully
argued that it was done in contemplation of death, the
woman and her child never taken into consideration as
the husband was not 'sure' it was his until the DNA testing.

This is why the woman in my office, who waited a year
gets nothing.

Yes, what I post might sound hurtful but there is a reason
why I have, after all these years, reached the level I have.

I am again, willing to bet, that whatever Don owned the last
time you saw him won't be in his name the next time you
see him.

[tinkerbell930]

Just checking on you

I hate posting on here anymore, but wanted to see how you are doing...hopefully you got my email address!
Take care, hope to hear from you!!!!

[BlueMoon82]

Hang in there girl!

Hi Drama, I have posted a thread here a few days ago and I might have never been in your situation but as a future lawyer (in a few months) and a woman..I feel for you deeply and i'm concerned for you. I can possibly imagine a portion of what you're feeling...like being on hold, where it's someone else that has the answers to solve all this. That "he" is maybe in a way making you hang there on you're own...I know the feeling...

I'm in a situation right now that I didn't see coming and here I am ..just put on hold, no knowing what good or bad will come out of this..I sometime feel like this person, the man I still care so much for, is hanging a sort of Democles's sword over my head... I don't know yet how things will turn out...Just remember this my dear, there's people out there and In your life I'm sure, that cares about you, that empathize with your current situation...Like I do, even if I don't personaly know you...This too shall pass, like many thing in life, suffering is never permanent Until then I'm sure we're all there for you.

If you need someone to talk to, feel free to let me know I would like to help you if I can. I know how it is to feel bad a the present time and need good /caring people to surround you and comfort you. Take good care of yourself and your little girl

[BlueMoon82]

to Kaylar

I'm sorry to use this thread for this but after reading 8 pages of posts I just couldn't let this slid...Kaylar you're a lawyer??? I'm doing my things to get ready for the bar exams (in Canada) and all, I'm gonna be a laywer in 8 months...As a laywer and as an individual you need to use so "tact" when TALKING to human beings with REAL FEELINGS! Surely, I can understand where you're coming from Kaylar, law school kinda desensetize us and help us in a way keep things at a distance or with perspective...But please couldn't you do more good as a lawyer and a person by giving people some EMPATHY in times of personal crisis?? That's just my thoughts on things..and It's not an attack...I just hope that being a lawyer won't make me turn out cold, distant and "harsh"...I sorry for saying all this but I had to.

On the other side Kaylar, a lot of what you say it's true and very intelligent, maybe it's only in the way you decide to "put it or / phrase it" that makes the message unfortunately to "harsh" to really reach your point !! I know you care about this sort of things, because if you didn't you wouldn't post here and I'm sure people are happy you did. I know I am for you take the time on my thread. No hard feelings and Keep helping!