[calibri~]

I have spent the last hour and a half uncontrollably crying. He just walked in, got a drink, glanced at me and went straight back to the bedroom without a word. What am I supposed to do?

[atskitty2]

Update: he cooked and is now eating dinner without me because 'we only think about ourselves now' and says he will continue to treat me this way until I realise that I have done something wrong. I just have this shaking in the core of my body.

Well, this is childish at best. Manipulation and abusive at worst.
Shaking as in nervous? Fear? Anxiety?

If "we only think of ourselves now" then so be it. Think of yourself. Do what's best for you.

[Something_Awesome]

What am I supposed to do?

Find a real man? You're a great person, you know it, and maybe you think that by leaving him you are hurting your stock as a great person?

[calibri~]

Ugh. Woken up with eyes like a hayfeverish frog. Thanks guys. I really don't think I'm such a great person though.
Atskitty the shaking was extreme anxiety.
I gave him a hug and told him how sorry I was for abusing his trust and belittling his feelings ( I said he was overreacting)...today he is at least speaking to me.
Now if anyone can help me work out how to bring up couples counselling again in a nonconfrontational way, then I'd be grateful.we need to sort out such things amicably and currently do not have the right dynamics for that unaided.....

[calibri~]

Nice analyses effy. In retrospect it is clear that I didn't feel deserving of my long ago former partners love. I was still quite sick then.

[calibri~]

To clarify by sick I mean psychiatric outpatient and heavily medicated.

[Stillness]

I've just read through most of the posts. I have to admit that I don't completely understand the Facebook environment as don't use it.

My cousin had a similar issue with his girlfriend last year. She was contacting men on facebook. Hers was more severe as she was texting them too, I think. He confronted her about it. She said she would stop. She didn't. He was heartbroken and left her. There was never any evidence that there was any physical contact. He didn't really believe there was. She deleted her facebook account and swore it would never happen again.

For a while I thought that she was going to get him back, because she was chasing him hard for months and pouring her heart out about her feelings and making promises of what things would be like. Plus I thought he was overreacting or trying to teach her a lesson because he was in love with her and there was nothing else wrong. It was really too much of a violation for him, though. He made me understand that it wasn't the contact, but the violation of trust. That's what I think it is with you two. It's not about whether or not it's OK to be in contact with an ex, but whether you should be in contact after you've agreed that you won't.

As you try to reconcile, I think you should be clear on what the issue is. It seems like your focus is on whether or not it's a big deal to have him as a facebook friend and to have infrequent contact. But you went behind his back and reneged on an agreement. That's violating things that are at the heart of a relationship - trust and exclusivity.

[calibri~]

OK stillness. I think I finally understand. That doesn't make me feel any less upset, but I guess that's how it is.
I'll just have to wait and see the verdict.

[Something_Awesome]

I don't know what it's going to take for you to leave... Your therapists/counselors will probably not recommend leaving your SO. They want your relationship to be a wreck because that is how they get paid. They do not want to resolve people's issues right away; they want to drag it out. The longer your treatment is, the more the therapists get paid, and that is all they care about. Stop wasting your time and money. Just leave your SO and stop being an income stream for your therapists.

[calibri~]

No, something awesome, neither do I....I thought I was ready to wave the couples therapy card as a last ditch effort but now I've upset SO, I'm scared of losing him. My old therapist told me to leave him, the new one is paid by my employer..so maybe she isn't as honest as the former? What a mess..