[rcoreyus]

I don't think people should have to sacrifice anything significant in a marriage. Certainly there is some adapting to living with another person, but if it feels like a major sacrifice, then you didn't marry the right person.

Why do we have to sacrifice the things that we like to do in order to be in a marriage??

[catwoman]

If you have to sacrifice what you love just BECAUSE you're married means you never really knew each other to begin with, because your interests should have already been apparent before you even got engaged. I knew from the start of my relationship that my husband likes golf, hunting, and occasionally partying with the guys. I shouldn't expect that to change just because we got married.

The same goes for my interests. It's what i liked before we got married, he didn't mind it then, and obviously he's still understanding now.

If you're referring to sacrificing what you love for financial reasons, that's a whole different thing, because sometimes the things we love or love to do are expensive, but that's not sacrificing because the other person doesn't like it.

[CheekyNess]

I was actually referring to post #80 when I asked that question. That was a post made by a gal named Trisha23 who pretty much said that when we get married, we're to give up the things that we like to do.

[KMonte85]

I can't say I agree with Trisha's assessment of compromise in a marriage either, Cheeky. Are there certain liberties we give up? Absolutely.

The issue is when two people are in agreement of what their marriage will entail, and one suddenly changes the rules post-matrimonial service. That is the issue I'm having. My husband and I knew each other for years, lived together for years, etc, etc.. before we ever got married. We knew each other inside and out, knew the pros and cons with being in a relationship with each other. And NOW, at this point in time, I'm having the game changed on me.

Trisha may think that's not the right frame of mind, but I certainly disagree. I won't lose who I am or sacrifice what makes me truly happy and fulfilled in life for the sake of staying married. If my partner and my marriage don't work in conjunction with my happiness, then there is a huge red flag.

[Claret]

I was very lucky, one of the things my husband said to me prior to us getting married was that he didn't want a MRS. XXXX, he wanted a self-aware person to be with him as a partner. I think there are certain niceties that we practice as a married couple. For instance, if he wants to go skiing on a Friday evening with friends, he'd probably call and ask me if we had anything planned for that night because he wanted to go skiing. He's not asking permission and yet he's telling me what it is he wants to do for my edification.

Conversely, if I wanted to go somewhere, I'd ask him if he had something planned or if we had something planned that would prevent me from going.

So do you have to give up the things you like? Not at all, but you may have to work around each others schedules on occasion. I don't agree with Trisha's statement either.

[Stillness]

He shed a tear, said ok, and was silent.

That's something.

I read an article last week about the "10 Surprising Things Divorced Men Have in Common." The number one was shock because they didn't think their wife was serious. He seems to have taken it to heart and to actually care. Maybe he'll come around.

I wonder if you'll be patient with him if he makes some gradual progress or is it an all of nothing thing.

[KMonte85]

I will be patient, but to a point. I'm not entirely cold-hearted.

But I also will not accept stagnancy in this situation either.

[CheekyNess]

I can't say I agree with Trisha's assessment of compromise in a marriage either, Cheeky. Are there certain liberties we give up? Absolutely.

The issue is when two people are in agreement of what their marriage will entail, and one suddenly changes the rules post-matrimonial service. That is the issue I'm having. My husband and I knew each other for years, lived together for years, etc, etc.. before we ever got married. We knew each other inside and out, knew the pros and cons with being in a relationship with each other. And NOW, at this point in time, I'm having the game changed on me.

Trisha may think that's not the right frame of mind, but I certainly disagree. I won't lose who I am or sacrifice what makes me truly happy and fulfilled in life for the sake of staying married. If my partner and my marriage don't work in conjunction with my happiness, then there is a huge red flag.

I agree, there are certain things that end up being a lower priority, and there are compromises that get made, but giving up who one is for the sake of being in a relationship/marriage is just ludicrous. I think it's very important to have interests and lives outside of each other.

By the way, I read through your entire thread yesterday, and have this to say: good for you for taking a stand, and telling him how you feel, no holds barred. It's important that he knows, and I'm sure it's now crystal clear in his head. Whichever way this goes, I wish you guys both a good and happy life! Keep us updated as well.

[jns]

when we get married there are so many things we should sacrifice,one of that is the thing we likes to do. its your choice if you stick to that relationship or maybe your husband is a possessive type.

I was actually referring to post #80 when I asked that question. That was a post made by a gal named Trisha23 who pretty much said that when we get married, we're to give up the things that we like to do.

I can't say I agree with Trisha's assessment of compromise in a marriage either, Cheeky. Are there certain liberties we give up? Absolutely.

The issue is when two people are in agreement of what their marriage will entail, and one suddenly changes the rules post-matrimonial service. That is the issue I'm having. My husband and I knew each other for years, lived together for years, etc, etc.. before we ever got married. We knew each other inside and out, knew the pros and cons with being in a relationship with each other. And NOW, at this point in time, I'm having the game changed on me.

Trisha may think that's not the right frame of mind, but I certainly disagree. I won't lose who I am or sacrifice what makes me truly happy and fulfilled in life for the sake of staying married. If my partner and my marriage don't work in conjunction with my happiness, then there is a huge red flag.

I also do not agree with Tricia. If we have to give up many things we like to do, then we have not chosen very well. Sure, we may give up some things that are best done as singles, but then we gain some other things that are best done as married couples.

[Euphoric]

Marriage doesn't mean we are supposed to lose our individual identities. I'm glad you're standing your ground. You know your self-worth and have no desire to settle for less, and you shouldn't. You're giving 100% to this relationship, and in turn, he is taking advantage of your generous nature. I hope he takes your words to heart and puts forth the effort. You deserve a partner who brings out the best in you, share the ups and downs (<not causing them), and contributes emotionally and financially.