How To Introduce A Vibrator Into Your Relationship
The only way to add something new to your sex life, like a vibrator, is to talk about it.
If you can’t openly communicate with your partner about your needs, the entire relationship becomes much more difficult.
You don’t have to bombard your partner with a lot of information all at once, especially if you don’t know how they’ll react.
“It’s important to keep in mind that this kind of conversation can make your partner uncomfortable. If they are, then it may be best to stop the conversation, and revisit it another time,” Dr. Susan Milstein, a human sexuality health educator and member of our medical review board, said.
“I think it’s important to keep in mind that it may take an attempt or two for the partner to be open to the conversation,” she advised.
Here are a few ways to ease into it when you and your partner are ready.
- Mention sex toy use casually:
It may involve sharing an article you read (like this one!) or mentioning something you see in a movie but the question can be as simple as, “What do you think about that?”
The way your partner responds will help you figure out just how open they are to the idea.
If they don’t shut you down immediately, you can go deeper into the conversation.
- Get specific about what you want:
If your partner seems open to the idea and doesn’t freak out at the mere mention of a vibrator, start talking about what you want.
You might be curious about exploring vibrator bondage, or maybe you just want to start with something a lot tamer.
Whatever it is you desire, talk about it openly.
“I’d love to try a toy with you. It could make us both feel even better during sex.”
This doesn’t have to be an indictment of all the sex you’ve had before.
And if your partner seems sensitive to implied criticism, focus on the benefits to both of you.
- Suggest using a couples sex toy at first:
Your partner might be enthusiastic right away and encourage you to bring your favorite toy to bed.
But if there’s still hesitation or concern, try a toy designed for both of you to enjoy.
For heterosexual couples, the first thing to try is often a vibrating cock ring, like those carried by Adam & Eve.
Some are designed for both partners to feel the vibrations, which can be even more exciting.
Plus, they’re inexpensive — which is ideal when you’re first experimenting with toys you’re not sure you’ll even like.
You can also try a vibrator with a remote control or a wearable vibrator that lets your partner control the settings and sensations (within your limits) at home or even in public.
When they see how much pleasure you get from it, they may be willing to try more toys in the future.
- Shop for a vibrator together:
No matter what kind of vibrator you settle on, shopping together makes it a toy for both of you.
You can discuss the features, how they might feel, and where you most need stimulation.
That kind of openness not only helps you buy a vibrator that will work best but can lead to other, more intimate conversations later.
